How to Ask for a Girl's Phone Number

Co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW

Last Updated: July 28, 2022 References

Building Courage

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Asking

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Contacting Her

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Video

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Expert Q&A

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Tips

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Warnings

Asking for a girl's phone number can be an incredibly intimidating first step to starting a relationship. It is difficult to predict how she will react and the fear of rejection can cause you to avoid it altogether. However, if you really like the girl and want to get closer to her, asking for her number is an important first step.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Building Courage

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Understand that she could say "no."^{[1]
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Research source} The girl is not obligated to give you her number just because you ask for it. There may be many reasons why she does not want to give you a way to contact her.
- This can also give you confidence, though. Her saying "no" is the worst thing that can happen when you ask for her number. It is easy to build up all the things that could go wrong, but in reality, her saying "no" is the worst it could be.
- Be prepared for rejection. Rejection is difficult, but once you accept it, the whole ordeal will feel much less intimidating and scary.
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Try to psych yourself up to ask her. In addition to being an attractive trait, confidence will make you feel more comfortable while asking her. Read our article on how to be confident for some ideas.^{[2]
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- A good way to be confident in this situation is to keep everything in perspective. Asking for her number may seem like a big deal at the time, but you will likely forget how afraid you were in a year's time.
- Remember that rejection can be overcome, but don't assume it will necessarily be the outcome.^{[3]
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- While it may sound silly, try standing in a Superman pose for a few minutes before you ask her. Some experts do believe it really can help increase your confidence.
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Try sending a friend to talk to her and gauge her interest. If you are feeling very doubtful that the girl even thinks of you, ask a friend to talk to her about you. Unless she adamantly says that she is completely not attracted to you, do not let her answer influence your decision too much. She may not think of you too much because you have never been confident enough to talk to her.
- Be sure that it is a friend you can trust. You do not want your friend to ruin your chances with the girl by making you sound creepy or invasive. The friend should be able to subtly bring you up in a conversation in order to gauge her opinion of you.
- The girl may respect this less than you simply asking for her number. It can help you gain confidence, but it also adds unnecessary stress to this fairly small situation.
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Understand that asking for her number is not a marriage proposal. Just because you have a girl's number, it does not mean that you are going out with the girl. Asking for her number is merely a way to stay in closer contact with her to hopefully build a relationship in the future.
- This should also help give you confidence and decrease the intimidation factor of asking for a girl's number. While the implication is that you are interested, it does not need to mean anything more than that right away.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Asking

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Go up to her and start a conversation. Do not simply run up and ask for her number. Try to weave it into a conversation.^{[4]
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Research source} Try talking to her about a movie or show you have both recently seen. Ask her how her day was. The conversation can be about anything, but try to keep it light.
- Having a conversation will also help you gauge her interest. If all her responses are short, she may not be interested in you. If she gives long answers and asks you questions in return, she likely is interested.
- If she laughs at many of your jokes (even ones you know aren't funny), she is definitely interested and likely wants you to ask for her number.^{[5]
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2
Bring up the idea of contacting her outside of school, work, etc. Bring up something which would require outside contact. If you go to school together, mention how you sometimes struggle with homework and would like to work together. If you work together, mention how you would like to grab dinner or coffee sometime.^{[6]
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- Again, pay attention to how she responds to seeing you outside of the normal environment. Pay attention to things like a smile, a light in her eye, or her brushing her hair. These are all signs that she is flattered.
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Ask for her number. Do not dance around the topic for too long or you will appear unsure. It really is as simple as asking "can I get your number?" People tend to build it up because of the implication of a possible relationship, but it can be simple if you are straightforward.^{[7]
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- Much of the stress behind asking for a number can be avoided by simply diving in and asking outright. It is better to ask her outright rather than trying any tricks like getting it from a friend or from a group project.
- Speak clearly when you ask for her number. As this question is the point of the entire conversation, be confident and articulate when asking. Don't make her have to ask you to repeat the question.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Contacting Her

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Send a text. Texting is more accepted nowadays then calling out of the blue. It is also much less intimidating. Text her about the conversation you had earlier or start a new conversation.^{[8]
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- Do not just text "hey." Be engaging and offer a line which can be made into a conversation. The responsibility is on you to start the conversation.
- Try to be funny, keep things light, and be yourself when you first start texting her. You don't want to get into a place where you have to keep on pretending to be someone else.
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You don't need to ask her to go on a date right away. Remember that just because the girl gave you her number, it does not mean that she is necessarily romantically interested. She may have just not wanted to reject you or she may see you more as a friend.
- Text with her for a while to try to gauge her opinion of you. In addition to continuing conversation with her at school or work, try to continue frequent conversations over text or on a phone call.
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Avoid talking about anything too controversial or heavy right away. Until you get to know her better, try to keep the conversation fairly neutral. Some good things to talk about include:^{[9]
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- TV Shows
- Movies
- Family
- Future dreams
- Funny stories
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When the time feels right, and if you want to, ask her to go on a date. You likely asked her for her number because you are romantically interested in her. Do not wait too long before asking her to go on a date.^{[10]
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Research source} It could be the first step in a relationship.

Expert Q&A

Question

What should I text a girl after getting her number?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

You can say: "I enjoyed our talk at..." Or, you can send a quick message or link about a topic you talked about in person. Keep the first few short.
Question

How do I ask a girl her name?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

This one is pretty straight forward. Offer your name first, like "Hi, I'm Brian." Sometimes the name will come right back at you without even asking for it!
Question

How can I get someone's phone number?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

If someone in your circle has it, you can text the person and ask if it would be okay to text sometime. Otherwise, just ask if it would be ok to stay in touch and give your number, or ask for theirs.

Warnings

If you never get a reply when you text her, it could be a fake number or she may not be interested.

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Reread texts before you send them to make sure it says what you want it to. If it could be taken the wrong way, edit what you’ve written.

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