How to Ask Out Your Crush

Co-authored by Collette Gee

Last Updated: May 11, 2022 References

If you’re nervous about asking out your crush, you’re definitely not alone. We’ve all been there before. Asking out your crush (or even just talking to them) can be scary, but we’re here to help make it easier! We’ll walk you through how to get to know your crush better, set the stage for success, and finally ask them out. Plus we’ve got advice for overcoming your nerves and not being so afraid of rejection.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Getting to Know Your Crush

1
Talk to your crush. It will be much easier to ask them out if you know each other, and they will be much more likely to say "yes." Start by striking up a simple conversation.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.} Just casually say "hey," and introduce yourself.
- If you're in class together, ask about the homework assignment or ask your crush for help understanding the material. If you are in a club together, strike up a conversation about the theme of the club.
- Ask your crush about themselves. Ask how their day is going. Ask if they're excited about anything this weekend. It's easy!
2
Befriend your crush. You don't need to be best friends, and you don't need to tell each other everything. However, friendship involves a certain amount of trust, and it will make you more of a known quantity in your crush's eyes. Try walking to class with your crush, or hanging out in a group setting. If you are a good fit for each other, they might even develop a crush on you!^{[2]
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Research source}

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3
Be honest and authentic! Don't try to make your crush think that you are someone you're not. Misleading this person is neither the best nor the most sustainable way to get them to go out with you. If you lie, it will come out eventually. If you try to act "cool" or imitate someone that you think is "cool," you might just make your crush uncomfortable. Don't bother with illusions.
- If you are being true to yourself and doing the things that you really want to do, you will put more passion into those things. Many people find passion attractive.
4
Be as direct as possible.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.} If you want your crush's number, ask for their number – don't look it up elsewhere or ask someone else. If you want to know what your crush did this weekend, don't stalk them on Facebook – just ask. Following your crush around or putting them on a pedestal is no way to start a healthy relationship.^{[4]
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Research source}

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Setting the Scene

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Do it in person. If absolutely necessary, ask out your crush over the phone, or over a video call – but try not to pop the question over text. It can be much easier to communicate with people over text or instant messaging, especially people you like, but you may find that asking out a crush face-to-face is much more romantic. If casual and noncommittal is what you're looking for, then feel free to go the text route – but don't expect your crush to be impressed.^{[5]
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2
Try to make it natural. Find a time when neither you nor your crush has anywhere else to be. They shouldn't be stressed or in a rush. If possible, pick a place where you're both comfortable, and where you would normally hang out or run into each other. Try to create as smooth and easy a moment as possible.
3
Get your crush alone. This conversation will probably be much easier for both of you if you don't ask them out in front of a bunch of people. Many people have trouble talking about their feelings one-on-one, let alone when the spotlight is on them. If you don't normally find yourself alone with your crush, you'll need to create that space. It is much easier to get someone alone if you're friends, or at least on casual speaking terms.^{[6]
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- Ask them to take a walk with you: home from school, or between classes, or around the block. Ask your crush to step outside with you for a second. You can say "Can I talk to you alone for a minute?" or "Want to walk to class with me?"
- Especially don't ask someone out in front of their friends! Your crush might be embarrassed, or they might not want to talk about this in front of a bunch of people. You might be rejected just because your crush feels uncomfortable.
4
Try making small talk first. Better yet, ask your crush out while you're already hanging out one-on-one. You don't have to jump straight into the big question. It might help you set the mood if you ask your crush about their day, crack some jokes, and listen to what they have to say. You should both feel comfortable and at ease.
5
Wait for the right moment. Even the best-laid plans run into obstacles. Perhaps you tried to walk your crush home after school, but another couple of mutual friends decided to tag along. Be patient. You can always ask your crush out tomorrow, but it can be hard to take back an awkward moment that happened when you rushed things. Look for a time when everything seems right.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Asking Out Your Crush

1
Be bold! It can be really hard to admit your feelings to someone that you like a lot. You might be nervously sweating, shaking, terrified – but you will probably feel much better once you get it over with. Ask yourself whether you will regret it if you never ask this person out. If you'll regret it, do it.
- Think of it like jumping into cold water. You can spend all day staring at the water, feeling it with your toes, and thinking about how cold it will be. On the other hand, you can push your mind aside and jump in – at which point all you have to worry about is swimming, adjusting, or getting out.
- If you can't bring yourself to do it, set yourself an incentive. Say, "I need to ask [my crush] out before Friday, or else I can't go to the party on Friday night." Give yourself a reason to cut through your hesitation and get it over with.
2
Be direct and honest. Try to cut through the games and just tell your crush how you feel. This might be scary, but you also may find that this makes your task a lot simpler. Say, "Hey, I want to be clear. I like you a lot, and I want to spend more time with you. What do you think?"
3
Ask your crush to do something specific.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.} Don't ask them vaguely "out." Don't ask them to be your boyfriend or girlfriend if you haven't even been on a date. Suggest something fun and cheap that you'll both enjoy: a movie, a hike, a show, or a school event. If you ask this person to go somewhere with you alone, they will probably assume that it's a date – but you don't need to try to ask them to be your partner yet.
- If there is a school dance coming up, ask your crush to go as your date. This can be a great opportunity to show someone how you feel. Keep in mind that unless you explicitly agree upon it, one date to date a dance does not necessarily mean that the two of you are "going out."
4
Take it slow. Ask your crush out on one date, and let that date be exactly what it is. If you have already been going on dates with this person, and you want to ask them to date you exclusively, then you're looking at a different conversation. If the person is just a crush, you may want to keep the pressure off and take it slow.
5
Respect the "no." If you ask out your crush, and they turn you down, you need to let that answer stand. It is one thing to be persistent because you really like someone; it is another thing to stalk someone, to pester them, and to make them uncomfortable. There are other fish in the sea. Be a considerate human being! You have to be direct and bold. Just get your courage hype yourself up to ask them.When you finally feel you can do it just go for it.