How to Arrange a Funeral

Arranging a funeral can seem like a daunting responsibility during a trying time, but it's an essential part of expressing grief. Contact a funeral director for guidance on setting up the funeral, completing legal documentation, and reserving space at a cemetery or crematorium. Personalize the service with music and decorations and you'll create a memorial service everyone will love.

Part 1
Part 1 of 4:

Reacting Immediately

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    Notify the authorities of the death if they don’t know yet. Alert the deceased’s medical provider or the emergency response service in your area. They’ll legally declare that the deceased has passed, which is needed when obtaining the death certificate.[1]
    • If this happened in a hospital or another facility, the staff will take care of this for you.
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    Call or visit a funeral director to begin planning. It’s normal to not feel ready for this step, but it’s recommended that you call right away. The director can take care of a lot of the hassle, including setting up the funeral, transportation, and legal paperwork.
    • Spend some time comparing different funeral homes in your area. In addition to the services they offer, also consider which funeral director makes you feel the most comfortable—caring for the mourners is an important part of their duties.[2]
    • It’s possible in some areas of the country to arrange the funeral without a director. You may need to wash the deceased, transport them, and arrange for their burial or cremation yourself. Check the laws in your area to see if this is possible.[3]
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    Arrange to have the deceased transported to a holding facility. Hospitals and other facilities require the remains to be removed within hours. The funeral director will arrange this during your first conversation with them. Pick a funeral home or mortuary in the area where the deceased lived.
    • The funeral home takes care of washing and dressing the deceased and can help you arrange further transportation in case you need to have the funeral somewhere else.
    • If you need to have the funeral farther away, make use of one of these facilities while you arrange the extra transportation.
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Part 2
Part 2 of 4:

Hiring a Funeral Director

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    Discuss the funeral plans and costs with the director. After the transportation happens, talk to the director again to plan the funeral. You may do this over the phone, but it helps to visit them in person to go over all your options. There are a lot of choices to make in what may be a difficult time, so you may want a friend or family to come along for support.[4]
    • Ask the director for a written printout of the costs so you can set up a budget and make changes to the arrangements as necessary.
    • If you don’t feel capable of leaving home, ask the funeral director if they’ll visit you. Some directors may not be willing to do this, so you’ll need to talk to them over the phone.
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    Agree to a payment plan for the funeral director’s services. Discuss the payment options before signing the contract. Most funeral directors and facilities will allow you to pay in installments over time. They may ask for a deposit up front before proceeding to discuss the arrangements.
    • Some people who pass away don’t have enough money in their bank account to pay for a funeral. Be aware that you’ll get stuck with the charges, so you may need to simplify the funeral or ask for help.
    • If you plan on using the deceased’s bank account to pay, remember that the funds will be frozen once the bank is notified of the death. You’ll need to wait for the probate court to release the assets.
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    Sign the funeral director’s service contract. Once you’ve agreed to accept the funeral director's help, they will draw up a contract. Read it carefully and ask any questions you have. Signing the contract means you agree and will be liable for any services the director provides.
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    Choose the type of funeral service you want. The funeral director will also ask you to choose between a burial or cremation. Have the director explain the benefits in each option. No matter what, you will need to arrange for a burial or cremation spot.[5]
    • You’ll have an opportunity to consider when the funeral should take place. For an immediate service, a direct burial with a graveside service may be the best option.
    • For religious services, notify the funeral director and the deceased’s place of worship. Both will help make the arrangements according to the tenets of the faith.
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    Reserve a burial plot or crematorium service. The deceased may have a burial plot reserved. Check with the probate court or family members to find out. When they don’t have a spot, you’ll need to contact the cemetery or crematorium to purchase their services.
    • The funeral director may include these fees in the bill. If not, you’ll need to pay the fees directly to the cemetery or crematorium owners after contacting them.
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    Register the death certificate if you aren’t working with a director. After the passing has been legally documented by a medical professional, you can retrieve an official death certificate needed for burial or cremation. Normally, the funeral director handles the paperwork. When doing it yourself, contact your the registrar or vital statistic office in the area where the deceased lived.[6]
    • The certificate should be obtained within 5 to 10 days of the passing, but before the funeral takes place.
    • This certificate is used to report to relevant financial institutions, insurance agencies, and government programs, which you should do as soon as possible.
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Part 3
Part 3 of 4:

Planning the Funeral Service

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    Pick a casket that fits the funeral budget. Coffins come in various sizes and are mostly made from a variety of woods. Besides for appearances, there’s little difference between the options. The funeral director will ask you right away to select the coffin, but you may also order one online.
    • In many areas, a shroud is the minimum required to cover the body.
    • Be aware of religious customs. In a Muslim funeral, for example, the deceased is often wrapped in a shroud.
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    Use the deceased’s wishes to plan the funeral. Visit the probate court clerk's office where the deceased lived to see if they made a will. They may have left instructions in it that you can use to make arranging the funeral easier. Also consider who the deceased was and use your memories to give them a funeral they’d be proud of.[7]
    • You aren’t required to follow the wishes written in the will, but honoring those requests can make for a positive memorialization.
    • Think of what the deceased said to you in the past. They might have mentioned what they wanted in a funeral.
    • For example, if you knew they disliked traditional funerals, you might want something outdoors with happy music.
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    Decide where the funeral will take place. Many funerals take place in a funeral home. This is the simplest option, but you may also choose to hold it at the gravesite or in a house of worship. You’ll need to contact the location to set up a day and time, then communicate with the funeral director to transport the deceased’s body there.[8]
    • Research how different faiths handle funeral rites when selecting a religious site. The leaders of the church, synagogue, or mosque can answer any questions you have.
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    Set up wakes or other events scheduled around the funeral. Sometimes special events such as wakes, church services, or family dinners are part of the funeral process. Choose events that honor the deceased and also help guests grieve and support one another.
    • Culture and religion play a large part in this. For example, some rites may include prayers or a church service before the funeral and dinner after the funeral.
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    Schedule a viewing time if desired. Separate hours may be set aside for friends and loved ones to visit the deceased. Viewings and wakes happen before the funeral service. You’ll need to reserve this time with the funeral home or place of worship where the funeral is meant to be held.
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    Print press releases detailing the funeral plans. Contact local newspapers and websites to announce the plans in the obituary. Also contact the deceased’s place of worship, if they had one, to get the funeral details announced or printed in the bulletin there.[9]
    • The important part is to make sure everyone knows about the passing and funeral. Make sure you spread the word to anyone you want at the funeral. Call, write letters, or send messages on social media as necessary.
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    Arrange transportation to the burial ground. Funeral homes and mortuary services provide a hearse to carry the body to cemetery or crematorium for a fee. You may also book cars to transport guests in a funeral procession. The costs for this add up, so decide whether or not you’d rather have everyone make their own way to the burial ground.[10]
    • In addition to being costly, sitting in a strange, dark car may be a very strange and upsetting experience for grieving guests.
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Part 4
Part 4 of 4:

Finalizing Funeral Details

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    Select the clothing that the deceased will be dressed in. Select clothing from their personal wardrobe. Think of what makes them look presentable or displays their personality. Many people choose formal wear, although you may opt for favorite clothing like a special t-shirt or uniform. Bring the clothing to the funeral director.
    • The funeral home will wash the body if you hired a funeral director. They may also be able to provide clothing.
    • Religious customs also dictate what kind of clothing should be worn.
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    Customize the funeral with music and decorations. Many homes will select flowers or music for you if you don’t do it yourself. Gather any pictures you wish to share, music you’d like to play during the service, and other decorations you’d like to display. You’re under no obligation to do this, but it’s a great way to honor a life.[11]
    • For example, pick their favorite type of flower or bring in flowers they grew themselves.
    • If they liked classic rock, you can play their favorite songs instead of a church service with organ music.
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    Plan out the eulogies for the service. Consult with the other guests to figure out who wants to talk during the service. Don't force anyone to make a speech if they're not comfortable doing so. Also, if you'd rather not speak, it's okay if you politely decline. Even if you assign speaking duties, it’s good to open up the floor at the end of the service to anyone who wants to share their thoughts.
    • During a religious service, the spiritual leader covers most of the speaking duties.
    • Since you’re arranging the event, you’ll probably be expected to talk. Rather than dread the occasion, embrace the opportunity to talk about the person's life, the relationship you had together, and how they affected your life.[12]
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    Select pallbearers for the casket. Once the service is over, pallbearers take the coffin to the hearse and then to the burial site. Choose at least 4 people, usually close friends and family, that are willing and have the strength to carry some of the weight.[13]
    • If there aren't enough pallbearers, the funeral home's staff can help.
    • After a cremation, someone will need to take home the ashes. This is either a close family member or friend who has the option to keep the ashes or scatter them.
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    Provide comfort food for after the funeral. Food is a comforting distraction, so plan on bringing snacks or having a meal when the service is done. This can be done by calling a catering company, preparing food alone or with other guests, or by reserving a spot at a restaurant after the service.[14]
    • If you choose to provide food, it doesn’t have to be complicated. Items like small sandwiches, cake, and hot coffee go a long way.
    • Many people won’t feel like cooking, so providing food and company for other guests can be a positive gesture.
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    Purchase a guest book if you’d like to record the funeral. If you’d like, get a guest book from an office supply store. Set it out at the funeral so everyone signs their name. It’s a great gift to take home or give to someone else to remind them of the support available during this trying time.
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Expert Q&A

  • Question
    What documents do I need to arrange a funeral?
    David I. Jacobson
    David I. Jacobson
    Funeral Home Director
    David I. Jacobson is the founder of Chicago Jewish Funerals, an independent Jewish owned funeral provider that evolved into two funeral homes in the Chicagoland area. With over 30 years of experience serving families, David is a leading expert on Kavod Hamet, the Jewish traditions of honoring and respecting the dead. David is an active funeral director that serves people planning and in need of funerals, lecturing to congregations, community groups, and schools extensively about the values of the Jewish funeral as well as the dying process and the value of one’s legacy. 
    David I. Jacobson
    David I. Jacobson
    Funeral Home Director
    Expert Answer
    You’ll need to provide basic information, such as the deceased’s name and address, their social security number, and where they’re currently resting.
  • Question
    How much does it cost to set up a funeral?
    David I. Jacobson
    David I. Jacobson
    Funeral Home Director
    David I. Jacobson is the founder of Chicago Jewish Funerals, an independent Jewish owned funeral provider that evolved into two funeral homes in the Chicagoland area. With over 30 years of experience serving families, David is a leading expert on Kavod Hamet, the Jewish traditions of honoring and respecting the dead. David is an active funeral director that serves people planning and in need of funerals, lecturing to congregations, community groups, and schools extensively about the values of the Jewish funeral as well as the dying process and the value of one’s legacy. 
    David I. Jacobson
    David I. Jacobson
    Funeral Home Director
    Expert Answer
    Funerals are expensive, but you'll feel like you got a good value if you prioritize the things that are really important to you.
  • Question
    How long does a funeral take to arrange?
    David I. Jacobson
    David I. Jacobson
    Funeral Home Director
    David I. Jacobson is the founder of Chicago Jewish Funerals, an independent Jewish owned funeral provider that evolved into two funeral homes in the Chicagoland area. With over 30 years of experience serving families, David is a leading expert on Kavod Hamet, the Jewish traditions of honoring and respecting the dead. David is an active funeral director that serves people planning and in need of funerals, lecturing to congregations, community groups, and schools extensively about the values of the Jewish funeral as well as the dying process and the value of one’s legacy. 
    David I. Jacobson
    David I. Jacobson
    Funeral Home Director
    Expert Answer
    The best thing is to plan the funeral long before you need it. If you're in your 40s or 50s, you should have a healtcare power of attorney, trusts, and wills, and you should think about how you want to be taken care of. For instance, decide where you want to be buried and whether there are any religious traditions that are important to you.
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References

  1. ↑ https://www.consumerreports.org/cro/magazine/2012/10/what-to-do-when-a-loved-one-dies/index.htm
  2. ↑ David I. Jacobson. Funeral Home Director. Expert Interview. 14 July 2020.
  3. ↑ https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/arranging-a-funeral-yourself
  4. ↑ https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/death-and-wills/funeral-services/arranging-a-funeral/
  5. ↑ https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0302-types-funerals
  6. ↑ https://www.consumerreports.org/cro/magazine/2012/10/what-to-do-when-a-loved-one-dies/index.htm
  7. ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/money/2013/sep/21/death-in-the-family
  8. ↑ http://www.mcb.wa.gov.au/planning-ahead/faqs
  9. ↑ http://www.legacy.com/news/advice-and-support/article/guide-to-writing-an-obituary
  1. ↑ https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/arranging-a-funeral-yourself
  2. ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/jan/04/emma-freud-guide-how-to-do-funeral
  3. ↑ David I. Jacobson. Funeral Home Director. Expert Interview. 14 July 2020.
  4. ↑ https://www.loveliveson.com/why-are-pallbearers-called-that-and-other-facts-you-need-to-know/
  5. ↑ http://www.neatorama.com/neatolicious/2013/10/26/Death-Warmed-Over-Funeral-Food-Rituals-and-Customs-From-Around-the-World/

About This Article

David I. Jacobson
Co-authored by:
David I. Jacobson
Funeral Home Director
This article was co-authored by David I. Jacobson. David I. Jacobson is the founder of Chicago Jewish Funerals, an independent Jewish owned funeral provider that evolved into two funeral homes in the Chicagoland area. With over 30 years of experience serving families, David is a leading expert on Kavod Hamet, the Jewish traditions of honoring and respecting the dead. David is an active funeral director that serves people planning and in need of funerals, lecturing to congregations, community groups, and schools extensively about the values of the Jewish funeral as well as the dying process and the value of one’s legacy.  This article has been viewed 20,437 times.
11 votes - 76%
Co-authors: 7
Updated: March 6, 2023
Views: 20,437
Categories: Funerals
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