How to Apologize to a Girl for Being Rude

Co-authored by Courtney Quinlan and Madeleine Criglow

Last Updated: January 9, 2022 References

Everyone makes mistakes. It may sound like a cliche, but it's true. If you've recently hurt a girl's feelings, you may be feeling pretty bad about it. Apologizing to her can help you express your remorse and even make the girl feel better. Before you say that you're sorry, here are some tips for giving a meaningful and sincere apology.

1

Apologize in person.

Meeting with someone face-to-face makes your apology more genuine. It takes courage to say sorry in person. Being that open and honest with someone shows that you're really making an effort to communicate your remorse. Pick a quiet place away from other people and apologize in person.^{[1]
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- If you're at school, try a spot on campus away from others, like in the courtyard or at an empty lunch table. When you're out of school, try a bench at a neighborhood park.

2

Write a note of apology.

You might not be able to meet in person. It's also possible that you're nervous and worried you may say the wrong thing. If that's the case, write a letter instead. If you go this route, make sure you really think about your words. You want the girl to know that you spent a lot of time thinking about your apology. Try writing out a few drafts if you're not sure what to say.^{[2]
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- Avoid texting an apology if you can. This may not seem as sincere, as it doesn't take much effort to type out a text.

3

Acknowledge what you did in your apology.

An apology that doesn't address your actions won't be as sincere. Be specific and refer back to exactly what rude things you said or did. This shows her that you understand the mistake that you made and that you've really thought about how your behavior affected her.^{[3]
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- Say something like, "I'm so sorry for making fun of your outfit yesterday. That was so rude and inconsiderate, and I should never have said that."
- Avoid generalized apologies like, "I'm sorry I'm such a bad person." This doesn't address what you did to hurt her specifically. It's much more meaningful to show her that you understand exactly what you did wrong.

4

Accept responsibility for your actions.

Don't blame the girl or other people for what you said. It's super hard to admit when you've messed up, but blaming your actions on others is like taking the easy way out. Do the right thing and hold yourself accountable. As difficult as it may be, tell her that what you did was a mistake that you alone made.^{[4]
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- You could say, "There are no excuses for what I did. I was just being flat-out rude and I couldn't be more sorry for hurting you."
- Avoid providing justifications for what you did. Don't say anything like, "I know I hurt your feelings, but you were being really annoying."

5

Empathize with how you made her feel.

Show her that you've thought about her point of view. Maybe you laughed at a girl for dropping all of her books in the hallway. That probably made her feel pretty insecure and embarrassed. When you're apologizing, let her know that you've considered how your actions made her feel.^{[5]
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- To express empathy, say, "I can only imagine how you must have felt when I laughed at you like that. I'm so sorry if I made you feel embarrassed."

6

Make a promise to change and mean it.

Follow your apology with meaningful actions. Before apologizing, take a moment to think about what you can do differently going forward. Maybe you want to think more before you speak or treat girls with more respect. Once you come up with positive changes you can make, include those in your apology. If your friends with this girl and want to keep spending time with her, make sure you avoid making the mistake again. Make a promise to yourself and her so that you can repair your friendship. This will help you both move forward!^{[6]
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- Even if you're not good friends, you can tell the girl that you intend to treat people better in the future.
- You can say something like, "I realize now that my words can hurt people. I promise I won't be so careless about your feelings next time."

7

Listen to her perspective.

A good apology involves a conversation, not a monologue. When apologizing to a girl, give her a chance to respond. Pause every now and then to let her speak. If she asks you questions, try your best to answer them. She may need to express in person how hurt she was by your behavior. Avoid getting defensive, and listen.^{[7]
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- It may be really hard to hear how hurt she was by your behavior. Try your best to be open to hearing her perspective and reiterate how apologetic you are.

8

Respect her response.

She may not be able to forgive you just yet. Although a sincere apology can repair a friendship or make someone feel better, it doesn't always fix everything. Depending on what you did or how hurt she is, she may need some time before forgiving you. In some cases, she may not be able to forgive. Regardless, respect how she feels and don't pressure her for forgiveness.^{[8]
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- It's important to say you're sorry regardless of how she responds. Apologizing just so she will forgive you or make you feel better isn't coming from a genuine place.

9

Give her space if she needs it.

She may need some time before deciding how she feels. Though some people may accept your apology and move on quickly, others need some extra time to process how they feel.^{[9]
X
Research source} After apologizing, let her know that you understand if she needs space and that you will respect that.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Courtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.}
- After apologizing, say something like, "I completely understand if you need some time to think about what I said. Just know that I'm here for you if you ever want to talk about it."
- Understand her personality and know what is important to her.^{[11]
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  Expert Source
  
  Courtney Quinlan
  Matchmaker & Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.}
- Some women may expect you to bow down and do whatever it takes to get them back.^{[12]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Courtney Quinlan
  Matchmaker & Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.}

10

Forgive yourself.

Sometimes you have to learn life lessons through making mistakes. Beating yourself up about your mistake won't help you improve. After making a sincere apology, accept that what you did was wrong and look at how you can change your life in the future. This will help ensure that it doesn't happen again.^{[13]
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- Know that saying you're sorry takes a lot of courage! What you did was a great first step in changing yourself for the better. Pat yourself on the back for your hard work!^{[14]
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Expert Q&A

Question

How can I apologize to a woman?

Courtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Courtney Quinlan is a Matchmaker and Dating Coach and the Owner of Midwest Matchmaking. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in finding individuals a compatible partner, providing guidance throughout the dating process, and crafting events for singles in the Midwest. Courtney holds a BS in Broadcast Journalism from The University of Nebraska at Omaha.

Courtney Quinlan

Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

It depends on the woman with whom you are talking. Some women may want more space. But some women like the other person to bow down and do whatever it takes to get them back.
Question

What should I keep in mind while trying to mend a relationship?

Courtney Quinlan
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Courtney Quinlan is a Matchmaker and Dating Coach and the Owner of Midwest Matchmaking. With over 15 years of experience, she specializes in finding individuals a compatible partner, providing guidance throughout the dating process, and crafting events for singles in the Midwest. Courtney holds a BS in Broadcast Journalism from The University of Nebraska at Omaha.

Courtney Quinlan

Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

You should understand the type of woman you are dealing with and know what matters to her. Use that knowledge to apologize and mend the relationship.