How to Act at a Party When Your Crush Is There: 12 Dos and Don'ts

Co-authored by Cher Gopman and Eric McClure

Last Updated: July 27, 2021 References

You’ve figured out what to wear, you’ve checked your hair three times in the mirror, and you’re slated to arrive casually late just the way you always do. But what happens once you walk in if that special someone is going to be there? What do you do? In most cases, the best thing you can do is simply enjoy yourself and try to connect with your crush. This is also a great opportunity to figure out how your crush feels about you if you aren’t quite sure yet. Keep in mind, if you don’t end up going home with them tonight, don’t worry about it—these things can take time!

1

Get the lay of the land.

Once you walk into the party, get a sense for the overall vibe. Spend a few minutes walking around and saying hello to everyone. This will give you a sense for where most of the action is, and it should put you a little at ease. If you’re in uncharted territory, grab a friend or two and post up in an unoccupied area where you can see the rest of the party for a while.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- If you know the host, ask them to introduce you to folks you don’t know when you walk in if possible. It’s a lot easier to start the night off if you have someone to break the ice for you.
- If you know you’re going to a party where you’re only going to know a few people, get there a little casually late. This way, you’ll avoid being the first person there but you’ll get in there before the party is really going and the social vibe is already established.

2

Enjoy the party on your own for a bit.

Forget about your crush (for now), and focus on having fun. Chat it up with your friends, grab some snacks, and pour yourself a drink if you’re old enough. Just focus on having some fun for a little. If your crush approaches you or you organically end up talking to them, great! But if not, don’t worry about seeking them out right away. If they see you having fun, they’ll be more attracted to you anyway!^{[2]
X
Research source}
- There are a few other benefits here. For one, you’ll build up your conversational rhythm so you’re in a super smooth and social headspace when you do approach them later. Additionally, you’re going to naturally relax if you just take some time to enjoy the party without putting a ton of pressure on yourself to go talk to your crush.
- This is not to say you should ignore your crush. If you start talking to them and things are going well, stick with it. The point here isn’t to pretend they don’t exist, but to emphasize the part where you’re having fun at a party!^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}

3

Have a few drinks, but don’t overdo it.

It’s okay to have fun, but getting sloppy could ruin things fast. If you’re old enough to drink, feel free to have a drink or two. Just make sure that you eat something before the party, and have a glass of water or a soft drink in between alcoholic beverages.^{[4]
X
Research source} You don’t want to overdo it. Nobody looks cute when they’re stumbling around, and you aren’t nearly as smooth as you think you are when you’ve got a buzz going.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- If you’ve had enough to drink or you don’t drink at all, don’t let anyone pressure you. Fill a plastic cup with water if you’d like, and just hold on to it like a prop. Nobody will be the wiser.
- If you aren’t 21, you probably don’t need to worry about this. In the event that you are under 21 and you do need to worry about this, remember that underage drinking doesn’t make you cool. It’s not worth putting yourself in a dangerous or illegal situation just to impress some crush.

4

Smile and make eye contact.

Throughout the night, try to connect with your crush via body language. You shouldn’t be following them around all night, but you can still connect when they aren’t around! If they’re laughing it up with a bunch of their friends, see if you can lock eyes from across the room. If you pass them in the hall on the way to the bathroom, give them a big smile. The more subtle hints you can drop, the more likely they are to reciprocate or pick up what you’re putting down.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- You want to generally be nice to everyone, but the more you can go away out of you way to smile, hug, or open up to your crush, the more special they’ll feel.
- If it feels like your little body language signals aren’t being reciprocated, don’t read too much into it. Some people just aren’t observant when it comes to subtle cues.

5

Approach them and start chatting if they’re alone.

If they ever end up alone, take the opportunity to go talk to them. If their friends go to the bathroom or something and they’re standing there by themselves, seize the moment and go over to them. Excuse yourself from whatever you’re doing, and put a smile on your face as you walk up.^{[7]
X
Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} Not only will they appreciate someone coming to rescue them from being that person standing awkwardly all by themselves, but it’ll give you the opportunity to connect with them on a deeper level.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- You could start old school with something like, “So, are you enjoying the party?” or, “So, how do you know the host?” There’s also nothing wrong with just casually walking over and saying, “Hi!”
- If you don’t know them super well yet, say, “Hey, I’m (name)! I don’t think we’ve ever really got a chance to talk, how are you?”
- If you already know them fairly well, just talk to them the same way you normally would outside of the party. The goal here is to connect and keep working your way up towards a relationship (if that’s what you want).

6

Invite them to join you into your group.

If you don’t want to talk alone, encourage them to join your crew! Your crush may be a little intimidated to walk over and join your group, and maybe you’re a bit nervous about approaching them alone. In that case, call them over to talk to you and your friends. This is a great low-risk way to hang out with them and get to know them better.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- You can even let your friends do the majority of the talking for you if you’re a little flustered around your crush.

7

Look for openings to join the group they’re with.

There’s nothing wrong with working your way into a group conversation. If you see your crush hanging out with 2-3 other people and laughing it up, try to work your way over their way. If you overhear a good joke or there’s something you can comment on, insert yourself! You can even just butt in a bit with a simple, “Hey ya’ll! What’s going on?” It may be a lot easier to connect with your crush if other people are around at the same time.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- Ask a mutual friend to drag you into the conversation if you don’t know everyone who’s talking at the moment.
- If it looks like your crush is having a deeper conversation or they’re chatting it up with people you don’t know and the timing doesn’t seem right, just wait. Your opening will come.

8

Offer them a drink and give them a compliment.

Break the ice by saying something nice. Once you’ve got your feet under you, ask them if you can get them anything to drink. If you’re hanging out with a group, ask anyone else if they need anything after you’ve asked your crush. Then, slip them a positive compliment and say you’re happy to see them. This is a great way to push the conversation forward on a positive note.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- Keep it simple with the compliment, and try to keep it PG. Say something like, “I’m really happy to see you. I love your outfit.” or, “It’s wonderful to run into you tonight. I thought this might be dull and then you showed up!”
- Even if you aren’t old enough to drink any alcohol, you can still offer to get them a soda!

9

Try flirting with them.

If the vibe is right and things are going well, try flirting with them. Make eye contact and smile.^{[12]
X
Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} If they tell a joke, laugh at it (even if it isn’t super funny). Get a little playful banter going and give them a fun shoulder push if it’s appropriate. You can also try brushing against their shoulder or giving them a little half-hug. Be confident, reciprocate their signals, and try to match their energy.^{[13]
X
Research source}
- If it’s a dance party, invite them to join you on the dance floor! Even if you aren’t a particularly good dancer, the two of you can just have fun with it.

10

Invite them to join you for a party game.

Finding a game to play with your crush is a phenomenal way to connect. Whether there’s a beer pong tournament taking place in the kitchen or a casual Mario Kart game taking place in the basement, playing a game with your crush is a great way to spend time with them. Even if they aren’t necessarily interested in the game, they’ll at least take note that you invited them!^{[14]
X
Research source}
- Jenga, circle of death, Quiplash, Cards Against Humanity, or spades are all fun party games you could recommend.
- If you end up on opposing teams or competing, a little flirtatious trash talk is a fun way to signal you’re into them without giving the entire plot away. Say something like, “Oh, you must not know. I’m a beer pong master and you are going down” with a smile on your face. They’ll be into it!^{[15]
  X
  Research source}

11

Be yourself.

If you act like something you’re not, your crush will see through it.^{[16]
X
Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.} Beyond that, if things work out, you want your crush to like you for who you are, not some fictitious version of yourself! No matter what happens, be your genuine self. Even if you do something “uncool” on accident, people generally respond much better to authenticity than they do any kind of performance.^{[17]
X
Research source}
- The more fixated on how you come off to other people, the less fun you’re going to have as well! Don’t put pressure on yourself to do anything other than enjoy the party.

12

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

It’s easy to put a ton of importance on this, but just relax. A party should be fun. Hanging out with your crush should be fun. If you put a ton of energy into making this a super important experience, you may end up letting yourself down. Just try to enjoy yourself and don’t put too much energy into being impressive or showing off.^{[18]
X
Research source}
- If you aren’t making progress or your crush seems super preoccupied with their friends or something, just let it go and have fun with your friends.^{[19]
  X
  Research source}