12 Alternatives to Sending Flowers When Someone Dies

Practical, thoughtful, and helpful gifts you can send in lieu of flowers

Sending flowers is a timeless gesture that expresses sympathy to someone grieving a lost loved one. However, if the family explicitly asked for other forms of condolences, or if you’re searching for something else that offers your respects and support, it can be hard to know what to send instead. To help you during this difficult time, we’ve compiled a list of practical, helpful, and thoughtful items you can send someone instead of flowers.

Things You Should Know

  • Make a handwritten sympathy card or photo album for a thoughtful gift that the family can look back on.
  • Create a self-care basket or take care of meals and household chores for a practical gift that supports the family as they’re grieving.
  • Send the family a memorial tree, candle, or necklace for a sentimental gift that allows them to remember their loved one.
1

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    Support a cause close to the deceased heart, especially if requested. Many people ask that you donate to a charity that their loved one supported, or to an organization that researches a disease they might have had, in lieu of flowers. This can give them peace and comfort to know that others are fighting for the causes their loved one championed.[1]
    • If they don’t name a specific charity to support in the obituary, choose an organization or cause that was important to the deceased. For example, if they were an animal lover, you might donate to the ASPCA. Or, if they were an involved member at their church, make a donation there.
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2

Give them a self-care basket.

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    A care package can bring relaxation and comfort to someone grieving. People dealing with grief often don’t have time to take care of themselves, but need support too. Fill a basket with a soothing lotion, calming candle, body scrub, pajamas, or whatever will help them relax and unwind.[2]
3

Put together a photo album.

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    Photos of the recently departed will be appreciated for years to come. Start by gathering any photos you have of the deceased and their family. You can even ask other family members, friends, and acquaintances if they have any photos to share. Put the photos in a physical photo album, or scan the photos to a Cloud service or onto a hard drive to easily share them.[3]
    • Any and all photos will be loved and cherished. If you can find photos of the deceased that they haven’t seen before, that can be extra meaningful.
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4

Send a handwritten sympathy card.

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    A heartfelt letter can express your condolences as well as any gift. A simple note shows that you care deeply, and can help someone not feel so alone in their grief. When you write your condolences, express your sympathy and offer your thoughts, prayers, or support to help them through this time.[4]
    • If you knew the deceased well, write about a memory you shared with them.
5

Make them meals.

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    Cooking for someone will keep them cared for as they grieve. When you deal with a loved one’s loss, you’re often too preoccupied with handling finances and dealing with funeral preparations to shop or cook for yourself. You can make a hearty casserole to be eaten when you send it, or meal prep freezable dishes that they can heat up in the weeks after the funeral.[5]
    • If you’re not much of a cook, send them certificates for a meal preparation service like HelloFresh, or send them gift cards to a food delivery service like DoorDash or UberEats.
    • You can also coordinate meal deliveries with others using a service like MealTrain.
    • It’s a great idea to send your meal after the funeral. Most people are inundated with dishes when others hear of the loved one’s passing, but those meals usually stop coming once the funeral is over.
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6

Gift them with a weighted blanket.

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    A cozy, warm blanket can give comfort to someone grieving. The heaviness of a weighted blanket can actually relieve stress, anxiety, and help people sleep better. This makes it a perfect gift for someone grieving, who needs all the comfort and relaxation that they can get.[6]
    • An unweighted, soft and cozy blanket is a great gift idea too.
    • For an extra thoughtful touch, you can personalize your blanket with an inscription about the deceased or a warm message about remembering them.[7]
7

Offer to help them with chores.

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    Offering to take over someone’s daily tasks is a thoughtful, practical gift. Chores like mowing the lawn, checking the mail, and watering plants often fall to the wayside when someone is dealing with grief and managing their loved one’s arrangements. Instead of giving someone a physical gift, you can offer to:[8]
    • Clean their house. Depending on what they are comfortable with, you can hire a housecleaning service, or take care of the cleaning duties yourself.
    • Grocery shop. You can ask to take over their regular shopping for a few weeks, whether you run to the store yourself or have the groceries delivered to their house.
    • Transport family members around. If they have kids, they might want help taking them to school or extracurriculars while they deal with arrangements.
    • House sit. They might need to travel for the funeral or take time away to deal with financial matters. You can offer to watch their pets, water their plants, or watch out for mail and deliveries.
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8

Gift them with a plant or tree.

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    A long lasting plant or tree is a beautiful memorial gift in lieu of flowers. Many people receive too many flowers than they know what to do with, and find it sad and upsetting when they begin to wilt and die. A shrub or tree is a sentimental gift that allows them to plant a permanent memorial to their loved one that they can take care of and watch grow.[9]
9

Buy them books.

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    A good book can be a great distraction for someone grieving. After spending weeks preparing for the funeral, they might want to turn their brain off and cozy up in a world they don’t know. You can write a message inside the book to offer your sympathy and that you hope the book offers them some comfort and joy.[10]
    • A book about dealing with loss and grief is a great option that can help bring them comfort.
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10

Send them a toy or trinket.

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    Toys can bring a much needed smile to someone’s face. Gifts like an adult coloring book or a fun puzzle can keep them busy and spark some joy back into their lives. A silly mug or knick knack that makes you think of them is also a great gift idea.[11]
    • Toys are also great gifts for kids who are dealing with the complicated emotions of grief. Legos, slime, an art kit, or a card game are all great options that will help kids feel thought of and supported too.
11

Give them a memorial candle.

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    A candle can be a source of comfort during the grieving process. Many people use candles to remember and celebrate the life of a lost loved one. They might light the candle daily as part of a meditation, or only light it on special occasions like their loved one’s birthday.
    • You can add an inscription to the candle, or choose a soothing scent that will bring calm and healing.
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12

Send them a personalized necklace.

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    An engraved necklace is a thoughtful and sentimental gift. You can choose to engrave the necklace with the loved one’s name or a message in their handwriting. A gift like this is a beautiful way to honor their loved one’s life, that can bring them comfort as they carry their memory with them.[12]
    • If they don’t typically wear a necklace, you can choose to engrave a bracelet or ring.

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References

  1. ↑ https://www.molesfarewelltributes.com/blog/what-to-send-after-someone-dies-instead-of-flowers/
  2. ↑ https://www.cruse.org.uk/about/blog/send-instead-flowers-someone-dies/
  3. ↑ https://www.molesfarewelltributes.com/blog/what-to-send-after-someone-dies-instead-of-flowers/
  4. ↑ https://beyondthedash.com/blog/etiquette-and-advice/how-to-express-sympathy-in-lieu-of-flowers-request/7444
  5. ↑ https://www.funeralguide.co.uk/blog/5-alternatives-to-sympathy-flowers
  6. ↑ https://www.willed.com.au/guides/unique-sympathy-gifts/
  7. ↑ https://www.suggest.com/unique-and-thoughtful-sympathy-gifts-that-arent-flowers/2551949/
  8. ↑ https://www.cruse.org.uk/about/blog/send-instead-flowers-someone-dies/
  9. ↑ https://beyondthedash.com/blog/etiquette-and-advice/how-to-express-sympathy-in-lieu-of-flowers-request/7444
  1. ↑ https://www.cruse.org.uk/about/blog/send-instead-flowers-someone-dies/
  2. ↑ https://www.willed.com.au/guides/unique-sympathy-gifts/
  3. ↑ https://www.suggest.com/unique-and-thoughtful-sympathy-gifts-that-arent-flowers/2551949/

About This Article

Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT
Co-authored by:
Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT
Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Yoga Therapist
This article was co-authored by Ken Breniman, LCSW, C-IAYT and by wikiHow staff writer, Devin McSween. Ken Breniman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Yoga Therapist and Thanatologist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Ken has over 15 years experience of providing clinical support and community workshops utilizing a dynamic combination of traditional psychotherapy and yoga therapy. He specializes in eclectic non-denominational yoga guidance, grief therapy, complex trauma recovery and mindful mortal skills development. He has a MSW from Washington University in St. Louis and an MA Certification in Thanatology from Marian University of Fond du Lac. He became certified with the International Association of Yoga Therapists after completing his 500 training hours at Yoga Tree in San Francisco and Ananda Seva Mission in Santa Rosa, CA. This article has been viewed 2,171 times.
1 votes - 100%
Co-authors: 2
Updated: November 10, 2022
Views: 2,171
Categories: Sympathy
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