We’ve all felt insecure at one point or another, but some of us are simply insecure about everything. If you’re in a relationship with an insecure girl or you have a loved one who is super insecure, it can be tough to figure out what to say in the moment. Thankfully, there are a few tried and true ways that you can assist someone with their insecurities while reminding them how much you love and care for them.

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Encourage her to express her emotions.

  1. Talk about what she’s feeling when she’s insecure. Maybe she’s scared that you’re going to leave the relationship, or perhaps she’s worried she won’t be good enough for you. If she’s insecure about her looks, she might be nervous that she doesn’t live up to societal beauty standards.[2]
    • You can encourage her to talk about her feelings by saying something like, “I want to know what’s going on in your head. Can you talk to me about what you’ve been going through?”[3]
3

Sympathize with what she’s feeling.

  1. Let her know that her feelings are valid. Even if you can’t quite relate to them or you don’t understand where she’s coming from, you can still tell her that it’s okay to have emotions. The more validated she feels, the more she’ll open up to you in the future.[4]
    • You could say something like, “I understand you’re having a lot of negative thoughts. That must be super hard to deal with.”
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4

Don’t join in negative self-talk.

  1. Insecure people often look for validation in others. If you hear her talking about how ugly her body is or how no one will ever love her, try not to engage. Don’t push her to talk about her feelings, but don’t tell her that she’s right, either.[5]
    • If you encounter her saying something negative about herself, you could say, “Interesting. Why do you feel that way?” to open up a conversation.
    • If you’d like to, you can gently disagree with anything negative she says about herself. However, be prepared for some push back, as she might insist that she’s right and you’re wrong.
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Model security in your own self-talk.

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Encourage her to talk to a mental health professional.

  1. Insecurity can take a toll on relationships. If you’re in a relationship with someone who’s insecure or you have a loved one dealing with self-esteem issues, a therapist can help them work through those feelings. Tell them that it’s okay to feel insecure, but they’ll probably feel a whole lot better if they learn how to cope with those feelings in a healthy way.[11]
    • Some people are nervous about talking to a mental health professional, and that’s okay. If you’ve ever been to one yourself, tell your loved one about the experience and how much it helped you.

About This Article

Connell Barrett
Co-authored by:
Dating Coach
This article was co-authored by Connell Barrett and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach." This article has been viewed 82,716 times.
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Co-authors: 5
Updated: August 25, 2021
Views: 82,716
Categories: Emotional Insecurity
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