How to Text when Dating

Co-authored by Suzanna Mathews and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: September 18, 2022 References

When you start dating someone new, we know how excited you are to keep chatting with them. Even though there aren't any real "rules" for sending a text, having good etiquette can help you communicate even better without sounding too over-eager. Keep reading for a bunch of helpful texting tips and example messages you can try out no matter how long you've been together!

1

Check in at least once a day.

Try messaging in the morning or catching up at night. If you’re in a new relationship, it’s okay if you aren’t always texting each other back and forth. Wish your partner a good day right as they wake up or chime in later to ask how they’re doing. That way, your partner knows that you’re thinking about them and that you care about what’s going on in their life.^{[1]
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- For example, you could say something like, “Morning hon ❤️ I hope you slept well and have a great start to your day 🥰”
- As another example, you could say, “Hey you, how has your day been? Mine has been so busy!”

2

Respond to each message you receive.

Even a quick reply lets your partner know you’ve seen their message. When you leave someone on read, it might feel like you’re trying to play games with their head. Rather than leave the message hanging, shoot them a quick text to continue the conversation or let them know that you got their message.^{[2]
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- If the message doesn’t require a thought-out response, you can always react to it. For example, if your partner messages you that they’ll be a few minutes late, you can just send a thumbs up.

3

Match your partner’s response time.

If your partner takes a few hours to reply, wait that long to reply. Texting back and forth pretty frequently at the start of your relationship is normal, but it may slow down as you get more comfortable. When your partner responds after a long time, replying right away could make it seem like you were waiting around for them by your phone. Give yourself a little time to reply so you can sound less clingy.
- If your partner messages you a time-sensitive question, try to reply as soon as you can.

4

Wait for a reply before texting again.

Sending too many texts in a row could seem overwhelming to read. If your partner doesn’t message you back right away, don’t text them in a panic since they might be busy or not have their phone. Rather than stressing or double-texting, try finding a way to distract yourself while you wait so you don’t check your phone.
- If your partner got caught up, there’s a chance they missed your message. After about 4 hours, you can try sending a gentle reminder or ping them again.
- For example, you might say, “Hey 🙂 hope you’re having a good afternoon! Did you get a chance to read my last message?”

5

Take turns messaging first.

Take the pressure off of one person to always start a conversation. You may have heard the “rule” that the guy should always message first, but it’s okay to text if you’re excited to talk to the other person. If you normally wait around for a message, take the initiative and reach out first. Try to equally balance who sends the first text, or else it might feel like one person is putting in more effort than the other.

6

Send messages longer than 1 word.

You’ll have deeper conversations when you open up more. Just saying “hey” or “hi” doesn’t give your partner a lot to reply to.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Suzanna Mathews
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.} Try asking your partner questions to get them to send a longer response. Try to match the length of your partner’s responses so you can keep chatting without any lulls in the conversation.^{[4]
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- For example, you might say, “Hi! 🥰 How’s your day going so far?”
- One-word texts might also sound passive-aggressive, so try to use an emoji or say a little something afterward. For example, if your partner says they can’t come over, you could message, “Okay! Maybe we can get together this weekend instead?”
- If possible, start by sharing things that will give the other person a little bit of an in depth look into who you are. Sharing those little glimpses into your psyche is so much more interesting than simply sending something like "Hey, how's your day?"^{[5]
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  Expert Source
  
  Suzanna Mathews
  Dating & Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.}

7

Keep a light and casual tone.

Try to avoid any taboo topics so texting stays fun. Texting your partner should feel exciting and make you smile, so stay away from talking about anything serious. Instead, try asking some fun open-ended questions or using conversation starters to help you learn more about your partner. That way, you can grow closer and avoid any drama.
- For example, you might ask something like, “What’s your favorite memory from growing up?” or “How did you get so interested in making music?”
- Try playing texting games, like Would You Rather or Two Truths and a Lie for fun ways to spice up your conversation.

8

Use emojis.

Emojis clue your partner into how you’re feeling. It can be pretty hard to read emotions from a text message, so it’s really important to make it clear. Look for an emoji that matches the tone of your message so your partner doesn’t get confused by what you’re trying to say.
- For example, if you’re happy, you may use 🙂, 😄, or 😊.
- If you want to be romantic, try adding in 💖, ❤️, or 💘.
- Add emojis in addition to your message rather than using them to replace full words. Otherwise, your text might be a little confusing to read.

9

Use good spelling and grammar.

Too many abbreviations could be confusing to read. Try to avoid cutting out random letters or replacing words with numbers or emojis. Take your time to type out the full words so your message is clear. Read through your text one more time before you send it to make sure you didn’t misspell anything.
- For example, rather than saying something like, “cn i come ovr plz, i wanna c u,” you might instead text, “Could I come over? I really want to see you!”

10

Make plans to meet up.

You can build a stronger connection by spending time in person. Even though texting is a good way to stay in touch, you’ll feel a deeper bond when you’re with your partner. Ask when they’re available to get together or go on a date so you can keep feeling out your relationship. If you aren’t able to get together in person, at least try to make time for a phone call or video chat so you can hear each other's voices.
- For example, you could say something like, “Are you free Friday night to grab dinner?” or “My friends are throwing a huge party this Saturday night! Do you want to be my date? 😘”

11

Talk to your partner about how often you want to text.

Let your partner know what you need to feel fulfilled. Some people like to text less frequently than other people, and they might get overwhelmed if they need to carry a conversation. Talk with your partner about your expectations for messaging and replying. Try to come to a compromise that works well for both of you.^{[6]
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- For example, you may agree to check in twice a day in the morning and evening.
- Expectations might change over time as your relationship grows. For example, you may text less and less to save conversation topics for when you see each other later that day.

12

Think twice before sending any sexy pics.

Only sext if it’s consensual and you trust your partner. Avoid sending any unsolicited pictures since it could make your partner feel really uncomfortable. Remember that after you send a picture, it’s possible for someone to save and share it even if you only meant for one person to see it. If you don’t feel comfortable sending a pic, then you shouldn’t feel pressured to send one.^{[7]
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- If you want to check if your partner wants a pic, you could say something like, “I’ve got something sexy to show you if you want it 😉” or “Are you in the mood to exchange pics right now? 😏😘”
- If you’re not comfortable sending pics and your partner asks you, you could try something like, “I’m not really in the mood for that, but I’d love to keep chatting,” or “I don’t feel comfortable doing that yet, sorry.”

13

Have serious conversations in person.

Your emotions are a lot clearer when you chat face-to-face. You can easily misunderstand or misread what your partner is saying over text, so talk about any big issues when you’re together. If your partner brings up a serious topic over text, ask them when they’re free to talk in person or, at the very least, hop on a phone call.
- For example, you could say, “This sounds important and I don’t want to misunderstand what you’re saying. Can we get together and talk about this?”

14

Move on if you don’t hear back after 3 days.

You deserve someone who wants to keep up your conversation. While people should speak up if they don’t want a relationship, some others might cut off contact and ghost you. Rather than waiting around for someone to text you back, cut them off and focus your energy on your other relationships. We know that it can be tough if you don’t hear back from someone you were into, but there’s someone else out there that’s worth your time.

Expert Q&A

Question

What do you say to someone in a text?

Suzanna Mathews
Dating & Relationship Coach
Suzanna Mathews is a Dating and Relationship Coach and the Founder of The Date Maven. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in creating mindset tools, social strategies, and digital strategies that help her clients elevate dating and deepen connections. Suzanna holds a BA in Communications from Bethel College, North Newton, and an MA in Theater and Dramatic Arts from Wichita State University.

Suzanna Mathews

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Since text conversations can kind of dry up and hit the ground pretty quickly, try just sending some random thought to the other person. You pretty much have permission to bring up anything from the migration patterns of Wales to whatever you want to talk about! Don't stress it!

Warnings

At first, avoid giving out overly personal information, such as your dating history. As you get to know the person and build a connection, then you can start opening up more.

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