How to Tell if Two People Are Secretly Dating

Co-authored by Michelle Jacoby and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: February 17, 2022

Have you ever wondered why your friends seem so close lately? Or maybe you’re watching two co-workers become something that seems a little more than friendly. There are a lot of reasons why two people might not want to broadcast their relationship to the world, but if you're curious as to what's going on, check out these signs so you can tell if two people are secretly dating.

1

They make a lot of eye contact.

Attraction makes it difficult to keep your eyes off of someone. If you suspect that two people are secretly dating, pay attention to how often they look at each other. They’ll probably catch each others’ eye or glance at each other across the room when they’re near one another.^{[1]
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- You might also notice that they hold their gaze and smile when they notice the other person looking at them.

2

They smile around each other.

Smiling is a way to show someone that you’re interested in them. If the two people you suspect are all of the sudden very smiley or laugh a lot, they might be dating each other.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Michelle Jacoby
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.} This is especially true if they weren’t very smiley people in the first place, and you notice that their behavior changes.^{[3]
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3

They get fidgety.

When they see each other, they might wring their hands or tap their feet. This is probably because they’re feeling a little bit excited or even anxious to see each other. Try watching one of them when the other person comes into the room —they might start moving a lot, even when they were perfectly still earlier.
- They might also just be nervous because they’re dating in secret. It can be nerve-wracking to keep a secret from everyone you know, even if it’s a fun one like this.

4

They fix their appearances around each other.

People like to look good for their dates! If you notice that your friend quickly combs their hair or fixes their makeup when the other person comes into the room, they might be secretly dating (or at least attracted to them). They might also smooth down their clothing or sit up a little straighter to fix their posture.

5

They go out of their way to touch each other.

They might lightly touch each other on the hand or the arm. Even when it’s not super convenient, if your friends are dating, they might find ways to get closer to each other for a slight amount of physical contact. Breaking the touch barrier means they’re comfortable with each other, so it could mean that they’re dating in secret.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Michelle Jacoby
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.}
- On the flip side, some people will get nervous that touches give them away, so they’ll make an extra effort not to touch the other person.

6

They mirror each other’s body language.

They might stand or sit the exact same way. When you mirror someone’s body language, you’re doing it subconsciously because you like that person. Take a look at your friends and how they interact—if you see them crossing their legs the same way or leaning on a wall in the same direction, they might be copying each other.^{[5]
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- People tend to do this without realizing it. If you point it out, your friends will probably have no idea what you’re talking about.

7

They lean in close to each other.

When people like each other, they invade the other person’s personal space. Pay attention to how close your friends stand next to each other when they talk, or how close they lean in next to each other when they sit.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Michelle Jacoby
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.} If it’s a little closer than you’d get to a friend, then they might be dating in secret.^{[7]
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- This is another one that your friends probably do without realizing it.

8

They flirt with each other.

Have your friends been teasing each other more lately? Or maybe they’ve been complimenting each other in a not very “friendly” way. If your two friends are flirting non-stop, it could be a sign that they like each other, or even that they’re already dating.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Michelle Jacoby
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.}
- If your friends are naturally flirty people, however, they might be trying to hide their relationship status by staying quiet or acting shy. If their behavior changes, it’s a sign there might be something going on.

9

They gravitate toward each other in groups.

You might notice that they always end up near each other at parties. Or, maybe they always happen to find open seats next to each other in the classroom or in meetings. Whatever the case is, you’ll spot your friends next to each other constantly, even if it’s inconvenient.^{[9]
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- On the flip side, if they’re working hard to keep their relationship secret, they might avoid each other more than usual. If they make an extra effort to stay away from each other now, they might just be dating.

10

Their voices change pitch when they talk to each other.

They might talk a little higher or a little lower if they’re attracted to each other. When we like someone, our voices actually change pitch—you might notice that your friends actually sound different when they’re talking to each other versus when they’re talking to you. That’s because they’re attracted to each other, and they might be dating.^{[10]
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- Listen in when they greet each other, since that’s the time you’ll hear a change the most.

11

They hang out one-on-one way more.

Maybe they always used to hang out in groups, but now they hang alone. This is probably a sign that they’re going out on dates together without anyone else. You can subtly inquire by asking something like, “So, what did you two get up to this weekend?”
- If they want to keep their secret, they might just say they were doing something innocent, like grabbing food or seeing a movie.

12

They hug each other goodbye.

Their hands might linger around each other when it’s time to go. If you notice that your friends seem a little too eager to hold each other when you’re all saying goodbye, it’s a sign that they might be dating secretly. And, if the hug goes on a little longer than a normal friend hug would, they might just have something more going on.