How to Tell a Guy You're Pregnant over Text

Co-authored by Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS and Megaera Lorenz, PhD

Last Updated: March 8, 2023

No matter how you feel about getting pregnant, letting the father know can be nerve-wracking—especially if it’s unplanned, or you don’t know how he’ll respond. While it's usually best to have a face-to-face conversation, texting is a good option if you can't physically meet, if you don't feel safe, or if you don't want the father involved. No matter the reason, we're here to help guide you through crafting your message. In this article, we’ll talk you through the best ways to share the big news over text.

1

Lead into the conversation with a brief opener.

Let him know you have something important to say. It’s hard to jump right into a conversation about something really serious, like a pregnancy.^{[1]
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Research source} It can be especially difficult if the pregnancy was unexpected or if you don’t know the father very well. If you don’t feel comfortable being super blunt about it, start by saying something like, “I have some big news,” or “I’m really nervous about telling you this, but it’s important for me to let you know.”^{[2]
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- This will also give the guy a chance to prepare himself a bit for what you have to tell him.
- Before you text him anything, take a little time to plan. It might help to write down exactly what you want to say ahead of time.

2

Keep it simple and direct if you’re not sure how he’ll react.

When you share important news, it’s best to get right to the point. Tell him that you’re pregnant in a clear and simple way. This can feel really awkward or scary, but you’ll likely feel better once you get it off your chest.^{[3]
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Research source} For instance, say something like:
- “I just found out I’m pregnant. I already took a test and confirmed it with my doctor.”
- “I’m going to have a baby, and I really need your support right now.”
- “I’m pregnant with your baby, and I’m scared. We need to talk about what to do.”
- “Guess what—you’re going to be a dad! I’m pregnant!”

3

Tell him how you’re feeling about the pregnancy.

Sharing your feelings can make them less overwhelming. It’s natural to have a lot of mixed emotions when you find out you’re pregnant—especially if you weren’t expecting it. Whether you’re excited, happy, scared, sad, or in shock, it might help to open up to the dad about how you’re feeling. If you want, invite him to share his feelings, too.^{[4]
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Research source} For instance, you could say:
- “I’m freaking out right now. This is so overwhelming.”
- “I’m so excited, I can’t wait to be a mommy!”
- “This is really weird for me, I’m not even sure how to feel about it.”
- “This was unexpected, but I think I’m feeling really good about it! How about you?”

4

Bring up the next steps.

If you’ve decided what you want to do next, let him know. Or, ask for his input if you’re still not sure. Let him know that you’d like to call him or meet in person if you want to have a discussion about your options.^{[5]
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Research source} For example, you could say something like:
- “I’ve decided to have the baby, but I need to know if you’re going to be involved. Can we sit down soon and talk about this?”
- “I’m not in a good place to raise a child right now, so I’m planning to end the pregnancy. This isn’t up for discussion, but I think you have the right to know.”
- “I don’t know what I want to do. I’m thinking about adoption, but I thought maybe you could help me decide.”

5

Ask for support if you need it.

Let him know what you want or need from him. Take some time to think about this before you text him. Depending on what kind of relationship you have with the guy, you might have different kinds of expectations. For example, you might want to ask him for help with financial, emotional, or practical support.^{[6]
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Research source} Try texting him something like:
- “This is really scary for me. It would help me a lot if you can just be there to talk to me while I figure things out.”
- “I’m going to need help covering the costs of my medical bills. Are you able to do that?”
- “I want to keep the baby, but I can’t do it alone. Are you willing to be a part of their life?”

6

Try a cute announcement if it’s a planned pregnancy.

If the pregnancy is happy news, it’s okay to get creative. For instance, you could text him a picture of the positive pregnancy test. Or, write “Guess what? :)” followed by a picture of a bun in an oven.^{[7]
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Research source} Other options include:
- Sending him a link to a pregnancy book, along with a message like, “Hey, could you get this for me? I’m going to need it.”
- Texting him a picture of a pair of baby shoes.
- Texting him a riddle to solve. For example, “Hey, what does U + me equal?” When he asks for the answer, say, “3!”

7

Give him time to respond.

He may need a while to process the news. If you tell a guy you’re pregnant over text, he may not answer right away. If this happens, try to be patient. It’s possible he’s just trying to think of the best way to respond.^{[8]
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- It’s also possible that he just hasn’t gotten the text yet if he’s busy or away from his phone.
- If a day goes by and he doesn’t respond, try texting again or giving him a call.
- You could even say something like, “I know this is a lot, so I understand if you need time to think. Just please call or text me back as soon as you’re ready to talk.”

8

Continue the conversation in person if possible.

It’s usually best to have big discussions face-to-face. No matter how you’re feeling about the pregnancy, you and the dad will probably have a lot to talk about. Once you’ve let him know, try to get together so you can have a serious talk with less chance of misunderstandings. Alternatively, you can wait on telling him and just use text to let him know you have important news and want to talk. When you get together:^{[9]
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- Pick a time when you won’t be interrupted or feel rushed.
- Find a place where you feel safe and will have plenty of privacy.
- Be prepared for him to react in a way that might be different from what you want or expect. Remember, this is an emotional time for both of you!

9

Avoid telling him if you don’t feel safe.

If you’re worried about an abusive reaction, talk to someone you trust. Some guys might get upset or even angry when they find out they’ve gotten someone pregnant. While it’s totally normal for someone to feel upset about an unexpected pregnancy, it’s not okay for them to lash out at you or react violently. If you’re scared of how he’ll react, you don’t have to tell him. Instead, reach out to someone else you know will be supportive and let them know what you’re going through.^{[10]
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- For example, you might talk to a family member, a close friend, or a doctor or counselor.
- If you don’t know who to turn to, you can also reach out to an organization that offers support for pregnant people. For instance, if you live in the U.S. or Canada, you can call All-Options at 1-888-493-0092 for support and advice.