How to Stop Falling for Guys You Hardly Know

Co-authored by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD

Last Updated: January 17, 2023 References

Do you have a tendency to fall in love quickly? Even after a brief date or encounter, you may find yourself harboring elaborate fantasies about you and your new love interest. If you frequently have spiraling thoughts about guys you don't know, it's a good idea to work on addressing this habit. Falling in love too fast can cause you to lose track of your sense of self and your own longterm goals. In the early stages of a romance, take things slow and allow them to happen at their own pace. Examine yourself and your expectations for romance. Consider how your tendency to fall in love fast may be driven by past experiences. Work on breaking out of the pattern. Surround yourself with supporting, loving friends and, if necessary, talk out your issues with a therapist.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Taking Things Slow

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Avoid losing yourself in the high of meeting someone new. It's okay to feel a sense of elation or a high when meeting a new love interest. Whether you had a promising first date or a flirtatious encounter, it's normal to feel a sense of excitement. However, if you have a tendency to fall too fast, you may let that elation take over. Try to make sure you allow yourself to focus on day-to-day tasks instead of getting wrapped up in love fantasies.^{[1]
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- Try to occupy your mind with other things if you find yourself thinking about the guy too much. You can try reading a book or watching a movie.
- Ask your friends for help. Ask them to be honest and tell you when you're talking too much about your new love interest. Tell them you're trying to avoid losing yourself in a new relationships again, and request they let you know when you're going overboard.
2
Maintain your own schedule. If you have a habit of falling in love too fast, you may start neglecting your schedule. Instead of making plans with friends, you may wait for the new guy to call. Instead of keeping up with hobbies, you may spend time daydreaming about this new man. If you want to avoid falling too fast, you have to work on maintaining your sense of self. Many people who fall too fast have a habit of losing themselves in a romance early on. Make sure to stick to your schedule and do the things you need and want to do.^{[2]
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Do not rush to label the relationship. The early parts of a relationship are often poorly defined and confusing. Try to accept this. If you're the type to fall too fast for guys, you may push for a label after only a few dates. This can lead to premature feelings of love and attachment.^{[3]
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- You may be anxious about the relationship progressing to love or a serious romance. This may mean you want to push to seal the relationship by making this official. Resist this temptation. Instead, try to enjoy the early moments of getting to know someone.
- Wait until the topic arises naturally to try and seal the romance. For example, you may invite the guy to an event with your friends after a few weeks of dating. You can ask something like, "Should I call you my boyfriend?"
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Distract yourself. If you're falling for someone fast, find ways to distract yourself as this can prevent the feeling from becoming overwhelming. Some studies indicate you feel more creative when in love, so working on a creative project like writing can help distract yourself. If you're not the creative type, take up a hobby. You could start running, for example, or join a cooking class.^{[4]
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Do not compromise your sense of self. Remember you are your own person. Many people who fall in love fast also have a hobby of losing themselves in a relationship.^{[5]
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- You may sacrifice your own needs and wants to always be readily available for a guy you barely know. For example, you may skip a friend's birthday in hopes the guy will call. You may neglect to finish a book you were invested in because you've spent too much time pouring over his Facebook page.
- Avoid doing things like this. Keep up with your obligations, interest, and hobbies. See where the relationship goes if you're interested, but do not neglect yourself to do so.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Examining Yourself

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Think about your own expectations for romance. If you tend to fall in love fast, your expectations may be skewed. You may want premature intimacy and commitment, which can result in you losing yourself in relationships with virtual strangers.^{[6]
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- Do you think you would be happy for the rest of your life if you found true love? Do you obsess over movies, music, and TV shows that deal with romance? Do you hold your own personal experiences to ideals you get from television?
- What do you expect from a romantic partner? Do you expect another person to make you feel happy, fulfilled, and lovable? Do you think you cannot find happiness unless you're in a romantic relationship?
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Consider if you have symptoms of love addiction. Love, like other things, can be addicting. People who are love addicts tend to fall in love fast. They try to fill a sense of emptiness in themselves with various romantic relationships. Review the symptoms of love addiction and see if any ring true for you and your experiences.^{[7]
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- Do you tend to go from one relationship to another? Do you have trouble staying single for long? Do you take time to heal when a relationship ends, or simply move on to the next thing?
- Have you ever had to talk yourself into falling for someone? Have you ever dated because you wanted to feel loved?
- Have you ever changed many aspects of yourself for a relationship? Do you find your style, tastes, and opinions change from one person to the next?
3
Examine your childhood. Many people who fall in love fast do so due to childhood issues. Oftentimes, people fall in love fast because they like the comfort of commitment. Was your child tumultuous? Were your parents not particularly present? Did one parent abandon or leave you? If so, this may make you prone to falling in love too fast.^{[8]
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Analyze past relationships. People who fall in love too fast tend to have the same types of relationships over time. You may continually find yourself playing a certain role. For example, you may always be the follower. You may have a tendency to fall for people with big personalities and defer to their decisions. Do your relationships tend to follow similar dysfunctional patterns? If this is the case, you may have a love addiction. You may not be falling for people genuinely. You may be falling for people because you need to feel in love.^{[9]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Breaking Bad Patterns

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Be conscious of the problem. If you feel that your tendency to fall to fast is a problem, the first step is awareness. Try to remind yourself that you have certain issues that make you fall for people fast.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Expert Interview. 14 April 2021.} Remind yourself that is not necessarily love, and that you need to adjust expectations.
- Keep your history in mind when falling for someone new. Draw similarities between your current love interest and past romances. You likely felt some of the same early excitement, and yet those relationships did not work out. Try to take it slow this time around.
- Remind yourself that love and intimacy take time. You cannot force love prematurely, and you'll have a healthier and happier relationship if you let love happen on its own.
2
Talk to a therapist. If you believe you have a love addiction, talk to a therapist. A qualified therapist can help you sort out your issues with love addiction. He or she can help you figure out proactive ways to cope with falling in love too fast or too often.
- You can find a therapist by asking your regular doctor for a referral. You can also ask your insurance for a list of in network providers.
- If you're a college student, you may be entitled to free counseling from your university.
3
Take a dating break. If you feel like you have a love addiction, a dating break may help. You can try to stop dating and seeking romance for about 6 months. Refrain from set ups, online dating sites, or going out to bars or parties looking for guys. If you're seeing a therapist, ask your therapist for advice on how to go about taking a dating break.^{[11]
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Surround yourself with supportive friends. Oftentimes, people crave romance to cope with anxiety over being abandoned or forgotten. It can help to surround yourself with supportive friends. Some of the intimacy you're seeking through love can easily be found in friendship. Instead of looking for a new boyfriend, strengthen your existing bonds.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I stop catching feelings for a guy?

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Liana Georgoulis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with over 10 years of experience, and is now the Clinical Director at Coast Psychological Services in Los Angeles, California. She received her Doctor of Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2009. Her practice provides cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples.

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

Try your best not to fantasize or have obsessive thoughts about the person so you don't rely on them emotionally.