How to Slow Dance at a Formal or Semi Formal Dance

Co-authored by Andrey Stanev

Last Updated: January 14, 2021 References

Slow dancing is something that has given people anxiety for ages. Being so close to someone you like can leave you at a loss for what to do. Where do you put your hands? What kind of step should you use? If you have ever wanted to dance with that special someone, a slow dance is just the thing to get your romance started on the right foot.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Requesting a Dance

1
Choose your moment. A slow song will be easiest for you to sync your movements when dancing. Consider something romantically themed or significant to your partner, like a favorite song.
- Some DJs accept requests. Requesting a song and asking when that song will be played will help you time your approach.
2
Request a dance. Make full eye contact with you dance partner. Ask her if she would like to dance, but try to make your request in a way that is true to yourself. This will let her know that this is a special moment you want to share with her. You might ask:
- May I have the pleasure of this dance?
- I would be honored if you would do me the pleasure of having this dance.
- There's no one else I'd rather dance with. Shall we?
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3
Wait for her response. It's important that you respect her decision, no matter the outcome. Just as it was difficult for you to ask, it will likely be difficult for her to refuse and hurt your feelings. If you notice hesitation, try to be graceful, and never force yourself on your partner.
- It can alleviate a lot of stress if you come up with a backup plan before making your request. Approach a friend you are comfortable with and explain your situation.^{[1]
  X
  Research source} If your friend is willing to be your backup, even if you get shot down, you can still have a blast on the dance floor.
  - Be careful not to lead on your friend romantically. Some may have hidden feelings with you, and if this is the case, they may interpret your request as insensitive.
4
Take the floor. Hold out your hand to escort her to the dance floor. Wait until she takes your hand, walking slightly ahead of her to lead her to your spot on the floor.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Dancing a Classic Sway-step

1
Place your hands. When you arrive at your dance spot, turn to her and place your hands on her hips. She should put her hands either on your shoulders or interlace her hands together behind your neck.
- Another option for hand placement: take her hand with your left hand and hold it off to the side, while your free hand can be placed below her shoulder blade on her back. Her right hand will be in yours, and her left hand should be on your waist, shoulder, or below the shoulder blade on your back.^{[2]
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  Expert Source
  
  Andrey Stanev
  Professional Dance Instructor
  Expert Interview. 20 May 2020.}
2
Lead or follow the leading partner.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Andrey Stanev
Professional Dance Instructor
Expert Interview. 20 May 2020.} This will give your dancing a more coordinated look, and is simple to perform. Keeping your feet largely stationary, shift your weight back and forth to sway with your partner.
- Leading, in dance, is mostly about connection and commitment. Maintain your sway to the beat of the music, think about your motions, and if moving your feet, direct your partner by applying slight pressure with your hands.
- Following, in dance, requires you to read your partner and follow through steps initiated by the lead. If he holds his hand up for a twirl, try to follow the motion into a single controlled spin that ends back in default position.
3
Make eye contact. Sharing such closeness can be a vulnerable and exciting experience. Show her she has your undivided attention by looking deeply into her eyes, or leaning forward and telling her something sweet. Consider telling her:
- Your dress is absolutely beautiful.
- I've been looking forward to sharing this dance with you for a while.
- I can't believe I get to dance with the prettiest girl in the room.
4
Use tact. Though a slow dance is a nice step toward a more romantic relationship, it's easy for you to get carried away in the moment and come on too strong.^{[4]
X
Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source} Try to avoid uncomfortable topics or any sexual suggestions, even if you feel the urge to. You don't want to give the wrong impression, or ruin your chances with someone you might have been a good match with.
5
Do not force her movements. Leading on the dance floor does not translate to strong-arming. It's perfectly alright if she misses some steps; at this point, you're both still learning each others' style. If she voluntarily puts her head on your shoulder, this is generally an indication she's comfortable with more cuddly contact.
- The closer you and your partner's bodies become, the more you will need to wrap around her waist, and she around your neck. If you are dancing cheek-to-cheek, your arms will almost completely wrap her waist, and hers should do the same around the back of your neck.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Dancing a Simple Box-step

1
Place your hands. For this step you should use the closed position, where the lead will put his right hand below his partner's shoulder blade on her back, with his left hand raised off to the side so his partner can put her hand in it.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Andrey Stanev
Professional Dance Instructor
Expert Interview. 20 May 2020.}
- Holding a partner in the closed position can limit confusion while executing this step, as you can apply slight pressure with your fingertips to indicate direction of movement.
- Classic technique requires you to keep your thumbs pointed, not curled to grip your partner. This will help you maintain proper posture.
2
Practice beforehand. Familiarizing yourself with the step and becoming comfortable with it will allow you to lead with confidence, which usually translates on the dance floor as graceful dancing. Your feet and those of your partner will trace a box patter on the floor, each step occupying one of the four corners of the box, beginning with the lower left hand corner of the box. Lead and follow steps are:
- Lead:
  - Left foot forward to second corner
  - Right foot to the right to third corner
  - Left foot joins right at third corner
  - Right foot back to fourth corner
  - Left foot to the left, returning to starting corner
  - Right foot joins left
- Follow:
  - Right foot back to second corner
  - Left foot to the left to the third corner
  - Right foot joins left at third corner
  - Left foot forward to fourth corner
  - Right foot to the right, returning to starting corner
  - Left foot joins right.^{[6]
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    Research source}
3
Perform the step in time with the music. Make sure you have enough room. This step, unlike the simple sway-step slow dance, requires space for you and your partner to perform the steps. Choose your dancing spot wisely, and impress your friends with your new moves.^{[7]
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Research source}
- This step, sometimes called a box-waltz, is suited for music written to a three beat time signature. Count in your head one-two-three, and if your count fits that of the music evenly, the music is likely in a time signature you can box-step to.^{[8]
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4
Be respectful. New dancers can get caught up in the moment and lose track of others on the dance floor. This can cause accidental injury to yourself, your partner, or others. Try to remain aware of those around you, and always treat your partner with courtesy.

Expert Q&A

Question

Where do I put my hands when slow dancing?

Andrey Stanev
Professional Dance Instructor
Andrey Stanev is a Professional Dance Instructor specializing in ballroom, Latin and wedding dance. With over 25 years of instruction and dancing experience, Andrey is also the Owner of Ballroom Dance in NYC, a studio based in Manhattan, New York and in Hawthorne, New York. He was born and raised in Bulgaria and won the Bulgarian National Championship for Ballroom and Latin Dance in 2000-2001. He has also worked at the Fred Astaire Dance Studio where he received the Award for Outstanding Performance in the advanced department of teaching.

Andrey Stanev

Professional Dance Instructor

Expert Answer

If you want to use the classic position for ballroom dancing and you're leading, put your right hand on your partner's shoulder blade on their back, with your left hand raised off to the side clasping your partner's opposite hand.
Question

What should I do if a guy asks me to dance and then tries to kiss me and I don't want to kiss him?

Community Answer

Just tell him no. If he continues to try, get away from him and talk to a chaperone or teacher.
Question

Do you put all of your arm weight on a guy's shoulder while slow dancing?

Community Answer

Yes. If you are trying to somehow hover, you will look very stiff and uncomfortable. Just try to relax. Your arm weight is not going to over-burden your dance partner.