Positive Signs That an Emotionally Unavailable Man Is in Love with You

Co-authored by Eddy Baller and Glenn Carreau

Last Updated: October 25, 2022 References

Can emotionally unavailable men fall in love—and if so, how can you spot it? We have good news: they absolutely can, and many surefire signs can tell you when he's in love and trying to change his distant ways! Read on to learn about each clue that an emotionally unavailable guy is head over heels for you, from behavioral cues to how he talks to you and the changes he makes for the sake of the relationship.

Things You Should Know

Notice how often he opens up to you. If he is willing to push through his fear of opening up, it's likely he cares for and feels safe with you.
Be aware of how often he is there for you. If he is a consistently supportive presence in your life, he is expressing his love.
Look out for signs that he likes being physically close for you. This is especially of note when it moves beyond simply being interested in sex.

1

He opens up and lets you in.

Vulnerability is tough for emotionally unavailable guys. Study his words and actions during conversations. If he makes a conscious effort to let you know what he's thinking and share more about his personal life, likes, dislikes, and hobbies—especially if he hasn't done that before—it means that he truly cares for you and is trying to be more open.^{[1]
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- When a guy is emotionally unavailable, it means he has difficulty maintaining emotional bonds in his relationships. Emotionally unavailable guys tend to come off as distant and may seem like they’re not invested in the relationship.
- Therefore, if he opens up to you, he's likely fighting a lot of instincts telling him that vulnerability is risky or scary. Tell him that you appreciate his efforts and let him make progress in his own time, without pushing for more.

2

He talks about his past.

If a guy is emotionally unavailable, it's usually because of past trauma. Humans naturally crave connection, so being emotionally unavailable means that something happened to make them wary or afraid of connections instead—like a bad breakup or a difficult childhood.^{[2]
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Research source} He will try to open up about his past and help you understand those challenges when he loves you.
- Help him feel more at ease by reassuring him and reciprocating when he tells you more about his past. Appreciation and a steady give-and-take will make him more comfortable with the relationship.^{[3]
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3

He values your input.

He'll ask for (and listen to) your opinion when he starts trusting you. Emotionally unavailable guys normally only rely on themselves and could be extremely unwilling to trust others.^{[4]
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Research source} When he falls in love, he'll start seeing you as an irreplaceable part of his life—and thus, he'll want to know your thoughts and include you in important decisions.
- Build his trust in you so he’ll rely more on your input. Be a faithful partner, follow through on your promises, always be honest, and trust him in return.

4

He shows more emotion.

The more comfortable he feels around you, the more emotion he'll show. An emotionally unavailable man tends to believe that showing emotion makes him less "manly" and hides his emotions to compensate.^{[5]
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Research source} This can easily strain relationships, which is why a guy in love will make a real effort to be more expressive when he feels happy, sad, or any emotion in between.
- We all have emotions and deserve to express them without fear of judgment or rejection. Be gentle and patient so that he feels safe around you, and you'll notice him show more emotion over time.
- He might not initially be consistent with his emotions, which is okay. It'll take time for him to get used to being expressive, and he might stumble a few times before doing it regularly.

5

He remembers little details about you.

Guys recall many details when they can't stop thinking about you. An emotionally unavailable man usually can't be bothered to remember the little things since they're not invested in the relationship. But once he falls in love, it'll be impossible for him to forget you—the color of your eyes, your favorite things, the way you take your coffee, and more.^{[6]
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- Think back on recent conversations. Were there any details you were surprised he remembered? He might ask you how a specific work project is going or mention your favorite book series. It's likely a sign of his love.
- Does he bring you a cup of tea exactly as you like or take you to your favorite restaurant on date night? He's remembering everything he has learned about you and using them to impress you.
- To build your bond, leave him little things to remember you by. “Forget” a sweater at his place or get him a small, inexpensive gift such as a shirt you think he might like. Reassure him that he’s not obligated to do the same!

6

He's a stable presence in your life.

Falling in love causes him to be more reliable and attached to you. When a guy is emotionally unavailable, he's more likely to pull away when things get serious or blow hot and cold, calling and texting often before going silent for a while. After falling in love, he'll realize that he wants more and do his best to be around you consistently.
- Don't try and force commitment by playing mind games with him. Just live your life and give him the space to reach out; by giving him free reign, you can get him to chase you.

7

He wants to be physically close.

Physical touch is a huge indicator of love and attraction! He might not be touchy-feely; emotionally unavailable men aren't big fans of PDA, and that probably won't change right away when he falls in love. Still, he’ll initiate physical closeness to show you that he has feelings for you. He won't be able to resist looking at you and standing close by for comfort and security when you're together.
- Reassure him with physical touch. Let him stand close, brush your arms together, or put a hand on his shoulder to make him more comfortable.
- When an emotionally unavailable man falls in love, he'll realize how much he loves being around you. It might not fit your typical definition of "lovey-dovey," but let him take it slow and show affection in his own way.

8

He says "we" instead of "I."

Using “we” means he sees you as an important part of his life. When a guy is emotionally unavailable, he still sees himself as a solo agent—even when he's dating.^{[7]
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Research source} However, he won't want to think that way when in love. He'll start thinking seriously about you as a package deal and refer to you as a couple in conversation.
- For example, he might say, "We should check out that drive-in theater soon. They're showing some cool movies this month," or "Can we try the Thai place down the street?"
- He might still alternate between "we" and "I" at first, but give him time. He's adjusting to the change as much as you are! Be patient; if he's serious, "we" will become a permanent part of his vocabulary.

9

He’s protective of you.

He'll care about your safety and well-being when he's in love. Partners are rarely top-priority for emotionally unavailable guys, but that changes when love is involved.^{[8]
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Research source} Then, he'll want to be the person responsible for your happiness and security, and take an active role in looking out for you both emotionally and physically.
- Does he walk you to the door after a date or offer you a ride home? Does he leap to your defense in social situations (or physically) if need be? These are signs that he has fallen in love.
- Let him know that you recognize and appreciate his efforts. If he gets overbearing, however, you can also set boundaries to make sure his protectiveness doesn’t stifle you.

10

He invites you to work and social events.

Introducing you to friends and colleagues means he wants you to stay. Emotionally unavailable guys don't bother introducing a casual date to the other people in their life.^{[9]
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Research source} The only reason he’d start inviting you to events is that he doesn't see you as a casual date anymore. When he's in love, he'll realize that he wants you to be truly part of his life.
- To get him started, you might have to be the instigator! Ask him to attend a casual group hang or work event with you, and reassure him that there’s no pressure to go either way. Once you get the ball rolling, he’ll follow suit.
- He might not go all out right away, but little by little, he'll invite you to work parties, casual gatherings with friends, and even bigger events like birthdays and weddings.

11

He introduces you to his family.

If he’s close to his family, he'll want them to meet the person he loves. Once he introduces you to his friends, the natural next step is asking you to meet his family. Guys who don't view their relationship as permanent won't get their families involved. If he wants you to meet his family, he's likely in love and wants to show you that you're an important part of his life.^{[10]
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- Be patient and let him ask you to meet his family in his own time. This might be his first time doing so since a bad breakup (or at all), and he needs

12

He's more interested in you than sex.

He'll start initiating more conversation and less physical intimacy. Emotionally unavailable guys put more stock in the thrill of seduction than the joy of a meaningful relationship.^{[11]
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Research source} Falling in love doesn't mean he'll back off of sex entirely if it's part of your relationship—it just means he'll put more effort into your emotional connection than before.
- Look to see if he's been spending more time talking and getting to know you lately. If thoughtful conversations are now more frequent than physical intimacy, he's likely falling in love.
- Even if he’s more interested in sex, you don’t have to be. Give him some space and live your life, giving him a chance to miss you. He might just give you more attention when you set those boundaries.
- Once he’s more focused on building your emotional connection, go ahead and do the same. Ask him to hang out, let him get to know you better, and get to know him in return—but avoid labeling the relationship before he’s ready.

13

He's willing to change his ways.

Love will motivate him to acknowledge and work on his flaws. When an emotionally unavailable man is dating casually, he's not interested in working on himself or compromising. But when he's in love, he'll understand that change is necessary for the relationship to work.^{[12]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
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Go to source} He can't transform overnight, but he'll listen to your needs and earnestly try to meet you halfway.
- It's essential that you don't force him to change. Express your needs if something is bothering you but don't make demands or issue ultimatums. Help him understand what you want and let him decide to change on his own.

14

He talks about the future with you.

Making future plans means that he feels committed to you long-term. It shows that he's thinking about a future with you and wants to make that future a reality. He probably won't bring up marriage, kids, or other big topics immediately. Even something like a weekend getaway the next month or grabbing tickets to a spring concert in the fall is a huge step forward!^{[13]
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- Be careful not to rush him. It's easy to get eager, but don't push him to do something he's not ready for. Let him set the pace as you navigate a long-term relationship together.