How to Self Reflect

Co-authored by Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC and Janice Tieperman

Last Updated: December 25, 2022 References

During the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it’s all-too-easy to lose sight of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. That’s where self-reflection comes in. This practice encourages you to press the “pause” button on your daily life, so you can better understand yourself. The benefits of self-reflection even include reduced stress, a better understanding of your values and dreams, and more connected relationships. Not sure how to get started? We’re here to help walk you through the process, so you can get more in tune with your thoughts and feelings.^{[1]
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1

Ask yourself deep questions.

Reflective questions help you better understand yourself. Thought-provoking questions like “What have I been avoiding?” “How have I been achieving my goals?” or “How am I holding myself back?” may lead to some helpful insights, and help you better understand yourself and your needs. Don’t be afraid to ask yourself some difficult questions—identifying and reflecting on your weak points can help you improve in the future.^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
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- “What are you most proud of?” “What stressed you out the most?” “What opportunities did I miss out on?” “What did I start to do but never finish?” are all great questions for self-reflection.^{[3]
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2

Write in a journal.

Jot down everything that’s on your mind. Take time to reflect on how your day went, along with anything you feel thankful for. Journaling is a great way to curb any negative or unproductive thoughts while helping you look toward the future.^{[4]
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- You might write about a frustrating experience at work, a tough conversation you had with a friend, or an upcoming event that’s stressing you out.
- You could also jot down something you did well, or something that made you really happy.
- It’s okay if your journaling seems jumbled—what matters most is that you’re transforming your thoughts into words.

3

Label your emotions.

Figuring out how you're feeling will improve your self-awareness. It feels really good to describe exactly how you’re feeling, whether it’s happiness, sadness, anger, or something completely different. Try adding a new word to your emotional vocabulary, so you can be more aware of your thoughts and feelings.^{[5]
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- Receptive, ecstatic, blessed, reassured, intrigued, resentful, and indignant are all great examples of words for your emotional vocabulary.^{[6]
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4

Create goals for yourself.

Set specific goals and measure your progress. Write down your goals and outcomes for your career, as well as your spiritual, emotional, and mental health. Once a month, check-in with yourself—have you reached your goals from the previous month, or are you not quite there yet? As you reflect, create new goals for the upcoming month.^{[7]
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- Your goals could be “I want to be 20% more productive at work,” or “I want to give myself an extra hour of “me time” each week.”
- It’s okay if you don’t reach your goals right away! Self-reflection is all about the journey and becoming more in tune with yourself.

5

Practice gratitude.

Use gratitude to help you reflect on all the good things in your life. Throughout the week, focus on anything you feel thankful or grateful for. Practicing gratitude can help you feel calmer, and also boost your feelings of contentment.^{[8]
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- “I’m grateful for the support system in my life” “I’m thankful to have a roof over my head” or “I’m thankful to have a supportive boss and co-workers” are some ways to practice gratitude.

6

Get into the proper headspace for self reflection.

Daily walks, meditation, and other exercises help clear your mind. Walk through your neighborhood, a local park, or any other place where you can really unplug and focus on yourself.^{[9]
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Research source}Meditation and yoga are also great ways to boost your sense of self-awareness.^{[10]
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Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- There are plenty of meditation styles to try—guided style helps you focus on a relaxing place or experience, while mantra meditation involves chanting a calming word. There’s also mindfulness meditation, which helps you focus on living in the current moment.
- A daily walk is a great way to incorporate self-reflection into your busy schedule.^{[11]
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7

Go easy on yourself.

Don’t criticize or beat yourself up as you reflect. Self-reflection isn’t about judging or criticizing your past decisions. Instead, self-reflection helps you learn from your past so you can reach a healthier, happier future.^{[12]
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- Instead of thinking “I can’t believe I made that mistake at work,” think “I’m glad I have the opportunity to reflect on my mistakes so I can do better in the future.”
- Instead of thinking, “I shouldn’t have said that to my sister,” think “I’m now better prepared for future conversations.”

8

Self-reflect once a day.

Self-reflect regularly, even if it’s only for a few minutes. Just 10-15 minutes is enough time to help you unplug and focus on yourself. In fact, research shows that professionals who took time for self-reflection performed better at work overall.^{[13]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source}
- If you don’t have a lot of free time, try self-reflecting at least once a week.^{[14]
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9

Get an accountability partner.

A trusted friend can help keep tabs on your self-reflection. Regular self-reflection can be tough to manage on your own; instead, reach out to a friend, loved one, or other trusted individual for help. Ask this person to hold you accountable, and remind you to self-reflect frequently. This might be a text, phone call, or any other reminder that helps you remember.^{[15]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source}

10

Reflect on your past problems.

Figure out what went wrong so you can avoid repeating the same mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up when you think about the past; instead, honestly identify and reflect on the mistakes you made, so you can make better, more informed decisions in the future.^{[16]
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Expert Source

Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC
Life Coach
Expert Interview. 18 December 2018.}
- For instance, if you showed up late to work, you might set several alarms for yourself in the future.
- If you hurt a friend’s feelings, you could pinpoint what you said and how you said it. That way, you’ll know what not to say in the future.
- If you didn’t get a lot done during the workday, you could pinpoint what slowed you down.

Expert Q&A
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Question

Why is it important to self reflect?

Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC
Life Coach
Adrian Klaphaak is a career coach and founder of A Path That Fits, a mindfulness-based boutique career and life coaching company in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is also is an accredited Co-Active Professional Coach (CPCC). Klaphaak has used his training with the Coaches Training Institute, Hakomi Somatic Psychology and Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) to help thousands of people build successful careers and live more purposeful lives.

Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC

Life Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

It's a great way to identify what's important to you. It's also important to sort of take a step back and take stock of your trajectory in life. If there's something you really want to achieve and you aren't moving closer to that goal, reflection can kind of help you re-calibrate.
Question

What if I'm really bad at self reflection?

Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC
Life Coach
Adrian Klaphaak is a career coach and founder of A Path That Fits, a mindfulness-based boutique career and life coaching company in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is also is an accredited Co-Active Professional Coach (CPCC). Klaphaak has used his training with the Coaches Training Institute, Hakomi Somatic Psychology and Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) to help thousands of people build successful careers and live more purposeful lives.

Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC

Life Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

As people you know really well to identify your strengths and weaknesses. Seeking out feedback is a kind of roundabout way to do some reflection, since they may see things in you that you're totally unaware of.
Question

I get bummed out whenever I reflect on my achievements. How can I get closer to completing more goals?

Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC
Life Coach
Adrian Klaphaak is a career coach and founder of A Path That Fits, a mindfulness-based boutique career and life coaching company in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is also is an accredited Co-Active Professional Coach (CPCC). Klaphaak has used his training with the Coaches Training Institute, Hakomi Somatic Psychology and Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) to help thousands of people build successful careers and live more purposeful lives.

Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC

Life Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

You may be thinking about achievement in the wrong way. If your goal is to graduate from law school or get a job at Google, you're just going to get down on yourself. Those are massive, lofty goals that may take decades to achieve depending on how old you are. Try to think about the steps along the way that you've completed. Those are achievements, too!