How to Respond When a Girl Flakes on a Date

Co-authored by Patti Novak Williams and Caroline Heiderscheit

Last Updated: March 21, 2022 References

It can be so disappointing to reach the day of a date, be super excited, and ultimately, find out you've been flaked on. You might be staring down at your phone, thinking, what am I even supposed to say to this? Maybe you want to make sure she's still into you. Or maybe, every petty thought imaginable is running through your head. One thing is for sure though, everybody gets flaked on. So don't stress and take solace in the fact that there are so many perfect ways to respond when a girl flakes. Read on to find your perfect response!

1

Offer to reschedule.

If you think her excuse is genuine, don’t be afraid to pick a new day. Even though it can be so disappointing to have a date cancel, we’re all human, and sometimes things do come up. So, if you like her and she seems apologetic, try to remember that you don’t have anything to lose by choosing to give her another chance.^{[1]
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- "Aw, man. I get it, work comes first. Should we try again next Friday instead? 😇”
- "Shoot, I hope everything’s okay! I have Tuesday and Thursday free next week. Let me know if you want to get dinner then. 🌮”
- "Totally understand. I like talking to you, so I’d really like to reschedule if you’re up for it. Let me know when you’re free next week. 🤠”

2

Let her reschedule.

Leave the ball in her court if you're not sure what she's thinking. Letting her make the new plans is a great way to understand how she feels about you. If she never reaches out to reschedule, she probably flaked because she wasn’t feeling it. But if she makes new plans right away, then you should trust that she had a good reason for ditching your original date.^{[2]
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- "Bummer! Sorry you’re stuck across town. Feel free to reach back out if you have a free day next week. 😬”
- "Happens to the best of us. I’ll leave it up to you to make a reschedule happen! 😉”
- "Hey, I get it. If you want to hang out this weekend, let me know. If not, no worries!”

3

Offer to meet up later in the day.

Sometimes all your date actually needs is a bit more time to prepare. If she's nervous, running late, or genuinely had something come up, she may just feel bad asking you to wait for her — even though that's exactly what she wants you to do! If you like her and ultimately, your goal is to make the date happen, then you can offer to be flexible with your date's start time.^{[3]
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- "No pressure, but would it help if I said we could meet in a couple hours instead? I don't have an issue with that. 😸"
- "Dinner reservations are SO last year anyway. If your schedule ends up freeing up in a bit, let me know. We could go for a picnic instead! 🥪"

4

Keep things light.

Girls love a sense of humor, so keep yourself in the game with a joke. Humor is super attractive to girls, and if you're worried that she cancelled because she's not sure how she feels about you, then making her laugh is just about the best thing you can do to help your case. Plus, you'll show her you can stay positive and roll with the punches, which she'll love.^{[4]
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- "Dang. Guess I'll have to settle for my plan-B date (Megan Fox). 🙄"
- "It’s okay. I was excited to hang, but at least this means I don’t have to change out of the footsie PJs I’ve been wearing all day. 😎"

5

Keep your response positive.

Go for a warm tone if this is someone you'd like to keep seeing. Can that be hard to do when you’ve just been flaked on? Yes. But if you do ultimately want to make a reschedule happen, then showing how understanding you are will go a long way.^{[5]
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- "You don’t have to apologize. It happens to everyone!! You get your work done and let me know when you wanna hang again. 😘”
- "You don’t need to stress about it, honestly. I understand! I’d still like to see you at some point though, so let’s stay in touch. 😋”

6

If you're devastated, keep it to yourself.

There’s nothing wrong with being honest, but don’t go overboard. Sometimes, when a girl’s flaked, it’s best to keep some of your cards close to the chest. This date may have been something you were really looking forward to, and you can let her know that, but you should avoid sharing anything that might spook her. Here are couple examples of over-the-top messages that may leave your date hesitant to reschedule.^{[6]
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- "Are you kidding? I was so excited for this date. You have no idea. I can’t believe this. 😭”
- "Well, I thought my week was bad before, but it just got a whole lot worse.”
- Instead, try sending something honest but casual, like, “Gotcha, no worries. I was looking forward to it, but I just got an invite to the movies anyway! Talk soon! 😊”

7

Keep pettiness out of the conversation.

If you’re feeling burned, you might really want to burn her back. Definitely try to avoid this. For one, if it turns out that her excuse was genuine and she would’ve rescheduled eventually, you’ll be losing out on the opportunity to keep dating her. Plus, you want the leave the conversation feeling good about yourself and how you managed to handle things.^{[7]
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- Don’t try to make her jealous by sending or posting photos of you with other girls.
- Don’t send a mean message just to get revenge on her.

8

Let her know your time is valuable.

Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself if the situation calls for it. She may have canceled once or twice already, or worse—waited until you were already at the restaurant before she flaked. Anyone you do go on to date will have to respect you as much as you respect her, so it’s okay to politely explain your expectations to her. If you're willing to give her another chance, but don't feel your needs are being met at the moment, feel free to give her an honest heads up.^{[8]
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- "Hey, I get it. I’m pretty busy too, and I really respect my own time (and yours). Anyone I date will definitely have to be the same way!”
- "I just want to let you know that I don’t have enough free time to get stood up constantly. I like you and I’d like to meet up, but if there are any more cancellations, I think I'll have to give up!”

9

Be direct with her if you can't deal with flakiness.

We all have our own boundaries, and it’s okay to express yours. Maybe you just can’t handle dating someone who makes cancellations a habit. That’s totally okay! If you know that it wouldn't feel right to keep seeing her, then you should let her know. You can be honest but still stay respectful.^{[9]
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- "Hey, I actually think I need to step away from this now. Best of luck to you, though.”
- "I get it, but I also know myself. I can’t date someone who flakes. I'm sorry if that's a disappointment!”

10

Wait to respond.

If she cancels and you’re feeling annoyed, give it a couple hours. By waiting to cool off, you’ll get to approach your response with a level head. That way, you don’t say anything in the heat of the moment that you might regret later on. What's more, a longer response time could make it seem like you don't really care that she flaked, which could actually make you seem more interesting to her!^{[10]
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11

Leave her on read.

If your date clearly isn’t taking your time seriously, just walk away. If she’s canceled four times, given you flimsy excuses every time, and doesn’t seem apologetic for flaking again, she’s probably not the girl for you. And that’s okay. But now, it’s time to keep things classy and do what's right for you.^{[11]
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- It may be tempting to send a fiery, petty response, but fight the urge. You have too much respect for yourself. No response is the best response!