How to Respond to Guys on Tinder

Co-authored by Mark Rosenfeld

Last Updated: June 23, 2021

Now that you’ve swiped right and made some matches, you're probably getting a lot of messages. How you respond will be based on whether you are interested in getting to know the guy, wanting to set up a meeting, or needing help telling him, “No Thanks!” This is pretty simple, and you're bound to find some great matches!

Sample Responses

Responses to People You Like

Responses to People You're Not Interested In

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Responding if You're Interested

1
Send a brief response if he sends a short message. If you are shy, but want to show interest, respond with something simple just to keep the conversation alive. You can add a hand-waving emoji if you want it to seem more friendly. This response will at least get you on his radar.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
- Respond with something like, “Hey Eric! It’s nice to meet you.” At least he knows you got his message and it will be up to him to start moving the conversation forward.
2
Ask a simple question to keep the conversation going. If you want to steer the conversation in a particular direction, respond with a simple question. Avoid questions that are too personal in the beginning and try to get to know a little more about him.
- For instance, you can write, “How’s it going?” This is simple but will get the conversation started.
- You could also try, “What are you up to?” This gives him a chance to tell you about what he’s been doing.
- A more targeted question could ask, “How was your weekend?” Answering that provides him an opportunity to share some activities of interest to him.
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3
Comment on his biography to point out something that interests you about him. Direct comments on his biography help the guy understand a bit more about why you are interested in him in the first place and give the conversation a direction to go.
- For example, “I saw that you compete in triathlons. Wow, how long have you been doing that?” This opens the door for more conversation on either of your interests.
- Another comment could be, “I read in your bio that you have four sisters! I guess you've spent a lot of time around women.” This gives him a chance to share about his family.
4
Tell him something new about you to give him something else to comment on. If you have an interest in common with his bio you could share that with him to get more conversation started. Be honest and stay true to your actual interests. Reveal only what you are comfortable with.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
- If both of you like sports try something like, “I bet, like me, you are tired today from watching the overtime and penalty shots from the hockey game last night. Can you believe we won?” This opens the door to discussing mutual interests.
- Tell him you have a common interest by sharing a detail about yourself, “I am also training for a half marathon. It will be my sixth one. How long have you been running and what distances have you tried?”
5
Reply with a flirty comment to show you are interested. After you’ve been talking a while, show interest by gently flirting. Lightly tease him for saying something silly or tell him you really enjoy talking with him.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
- You could try, “I enjoy chatting with you. You seem really funny and sweet.”
- Express to him, “I can’t believe how comfortable I am talking to you. If feel like we have known each other a lot longer.”
6
Send a GIF if you think it would spur conversation. This can set the tone for the conversation or at least get a reaction from him. Images are a nice way to keep your response simple but be a little different from all the other responses he might receive.^{[4]
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- The GIF you choose could be funny, nostalgic or silly. These images can be used to help advance the conversation or share something about your personality.
7
Inquire about one of his photos to learn more details about him. This will show that you took time to look through his pictures and are interested in getting some details. Don’t be afraid to give compliments.
- You could comment, “Hey, I love the photo of you at the waterfall. Where was that taken?”^{[5]
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- Point out, “You look really happy in that picture of you at the beach. What beach were you visiting?”
8
Respond with a wild card question if the conversation is lagging. This can show that you are fun and adventurous and willing to be spontaneous. It can give him some insight into your personality and may highlight a new side of you.^{[6]
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- Out of nowhere you could ask, “Have you ever been whitewater rafting? Because I have always wanted to go.” It may seem random but fun and can bring out more conversation.
9
Send him a joke if you want him to know you have a funny side. If the conversation stalls out, break the ice with humor. Show a flirty side, corny side or really funny side but aim to get a laugh or smile.
- An example of a cheesy, but funny joke would be, “What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.”^{[7]
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10
Inquire about his agenda to gauge his interest. At some point if you are interested in continuing the conversation, you might want to know what he is looking for. You may want to know before giving him your number if he is only interested in a booty call.
- Try something cheeky like, “I’m interested in meeting up. Fun or future?” You can attempt to keep it light and still get a read on what he is hoping for.
- If you want to be more serious try, “So I’m enjoying our conversations but I’m wondering what type of connection you are looking for?”

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Setting up a Meeting

1
Give him your number and offer to meet after the call. If you are interested in meeting him, offer your number and talk about meeting in person. This way you can hear the tone in his voice to further gauge his interest.
- You could say, “I’m really enjoying getting to know you, here’s my number. Give me a call and let’s find a time and place to meet.” This example let’s him know that you are interested in moving forward but you want to plan it together.
- If you want to talk first and then discuss meeting try responding with, “Here’s my number. Give me a call, I’d love to chat. Maybe we can even meet up sometime.”
2
Offer a casual, safe meet up location with friends for your first face to face meeting. Let him know you are interested and would love to chat more over coffee or drinks. To be safe, choose a location that is public and where there will be other people around including a few of your friends.
- For instance you could say, “My friends and I are going out for drinks later, I would love if you dropped by so that we can meet.”
- Inform him about a public event you’ll be attending,”There’s a watch party for the World Series game tonight in town. I’ll be there hanging out with some friends. Why don’t you join us?"
3
Suggest a traditional type date if you are ready to be alone with him. If you want a more romantic setting than going for drinks with friends, try suggesting a “real date.” You could offer going to dinner, a park and picnic, a museum, sporting event or a shared interest activity. This can still be a public place for safety but for just the two of you.
- Offer a suggestion like, “There is a great park by the river downtown, what if I pack a picnic lunch, you grab something for dessert and afterward we go kayaking?”
- For a bit more romantic setting, “There’s a new restaurant I’ve been dying to try in the city. Would you like to meet there for dinner this weekend?”

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Responding to a Guy You Are Not Interested In

1
Tell him you are not interested if you don’t want to move forward. Ghosting isn't fun for anyone involved! Be direct and honest. If you've been chatting with this guy for a while, let him know you are not interested and it’s time to move on. If you enjoyed chatting, thank him for the lovely time but let him know it’s not going any further.
- Try telling him, “I’ve enjoyed chatting with you but I don’t think we have enough in common. I don’t want to waste any more of your time and I wish you the best of luck.”
2
Explain if he turned you off. Sometimes you will have to respond boldly to a guy who has made a vulgar or off-putting comment. Be ready with a response if he starts down a path you are not interested in.^{[8]
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- Respond with, "I’m not interested in something like what you suggested. Good luck finding someone else who is."
3
Cease responding if he doesn't give you anything to go off of or if he sends unwanted vulgar messages. If he ignores you or continues to try to get your attention after you have made it clear you are done, stop responding. Eventually, he will get the message loud and clear.
- If he has made comments that put you down or made it clear that he can’t accept you for who you are, stop responding and move on. He is not worth your time.
- You have no obligation to respond to messages you receive. If they're off-putting to you, don't reply.

Expert Q&A

Question

What is a good first message for online dating?

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach for women and founded Make Him Yours in 2015. Mark specializes in helping people find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon on its release.

Mark Rosenfeld

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Try to make a statement. When you make a statement, you're sharing a part of yourself that the other person can latch onto.
Question

What online dating mistakes am I making?

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach for women and founded Make Him Yours in 2015. Mark specializes in helping people find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon on its release.

Mark Rosenfeld

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

A lot of people will send boring messages that don't really represent their personalities in an effective way. If you send something boring, you're never going to stand out.
Question

How can you form a connection with someone online?

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach for women and founded Make Him Yours in 2015. Mark specializes in helping people find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon on its release.

Mark Rosenfeld

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Make a great opening statement! Imagine you're sitting in a bar and you hear 2 guys talking about a hunting trip to Alaska. There's so many ways to relate to that statement—you might talk about a hunting trip you went on, or a trip you took a similar area. At this point, one of the guys might ask you a question or make a follow-up statement, which can really get the conversation going.