How to Play Fight with Your Girlfriend

Co-authored by Shana Tibi

Last Updated: May 27, 2022 References

Play fighting can be a fun and exciting way to spice things up in your relationship. Initiate a friendly bout with your girlfriend by tickling, pranking, or teasing her. While you’re roughhousing, keep it playful and lighthearted and try out some moves to get her to fight back. It’s also very important that you pay attention to any cues that your girlfriend gives you and you respect her boundaries before the play fighting goes too far.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Initiating a Play Fight

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Tickle your girlfriend to start up a battle. You can initiate a playful fight by surprising your girlfriend and tickling her to get her amped up. She’ll try to stop you from tickling her and will probably try to tickle you as well.^{[1]
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- Target her sides around the ribcage and her stomach.
- Tickle her where you know she’s ticklish.
- If she isn’t in the mood for being tickled or play fighting, back off. It’s supposed to be fun, so if she isn’t having fun, then you should stop.
2
Play a prank on your girlfriend so she’ll want to get even. You can easily start up a play fight by setting up your girlfriend for a silly and harmless prank. She’s likely to get slightly frustrated or aggravated and may want to get even with you by play fighting.^{[3]
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- For example, you could take a plastic water bottle and fill it with cold water. With the lid removed, tell your girlfriend to look inside the water bottle. When she leans over to look inside, squeeze the sides of the water bottle quickly to squirt water into her face.
- Log into her phone and change the language settings so everything is in a foreign language.
- Drop a few raisins into her drink. They’ll sink to the bottom so when she finishes her cup, she’ll think there are bugs in the cup.
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3
Pinch your girlfriend to get her heated. A light pinch on your girlfriend’s arm, side, or even her butt can start up a fun bout of play fighting. Try catching her when she isn’t looking or expecting it and giver her a firm pinch with your thumb and index finger.^{[4]
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- Don’t pull, yank, twist, or pinch too hard or you may cause her too much pain.
- When she looks at you to figure out what you’re doing, give her a wry, small smile to let her know you’re ready to throw down.
4
Goad your girlfriend into a play fight with harmless threats. If you’re feeling cheeky or cute, or your girlfriend is trying to start up a play fight, you can move the action along by teasing or mock-threatening her with a fight. Keep it lighthearted so she knows it’s all innocent fun.
- For example, you could say something like, “Keep it up and you’re going to get it!”
- Don’t be scary or threaten her with physical harm. Make vague and harmless threats that will egg her on.
5
Read your girlfriend’s cues that she wants to fight. If your girlfriend keeps playfully teasing you, pranking you, or trying to get you frustrated, she may be trying to start up a fun fight. Pay attention to the signs she’s giving you. She may be in the mood for a play fight and is picking one herself.
- Look to see if she smiles after she teases you for a sign that she’s trying to pick a play fight.
- If your girlfriend seems upset about something, talk to her about what’s bothering her. You can always play fight later when she’s in a better mood for it.
- Your girlfriend may not enjoy play fighting at all. If she seems worried, nervous, or she gets really upset when you start play fighting with her, take the hint and back off.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Roughhousing Playfully

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Push her gently on her shoulder to get her off balance. If you’re much bigger and stronger than your girlfriend, make sure you don’t bully or shove her too hard. But some gentle pushing can get her frustrated and ramp up the play fight. She may come back with some pushing of her own.^{[6]
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- Push her down onto a bed or sofa so she has to get back up.
- Be careful not to push her to the ground or into an object like a desk or table or you could injure her.
2
Wrestle with your girlfriend and try to pin her. Pinning your girlfriend with some wrestling moves will force her to have to fight to get up. Make sure the area is clear of obstructions and safe to wrestle on. Just keep it fun and let her try to escape you and put her own moves on you.^{[7]
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- Put her in a half nelson by pinning her face-down and threading your dominant arm between her arm and armpit. Then, place the palm of your dominant hand on the back of her neck and push her head down so she’s stuck and has to fight to get out.
- Be gentle when you’re pinning her. Make it a struggle but don’t try to smother or smash her.
Tip: Let her gain an advantage and get you in a pinned position so you can take a turn fighting out of it.
3
Try a kimura submission hold to make her fight to get out. The kimura is a submission move in jiu-jitsu that involves twisting your opponent's arm to make them give up. Grab her wrist, reach over her arm and grab your own wrist, then twist her arm behind her back. Hold it there so she has to fight to get out of it.^{[8]
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- Be gentle when you’re putting a kimura submission on her. If she snaps or jerks, she could hurt her own shoulder.
- You can try this move on top of her, on side of her, or even with her on top of you.
4
Bite her gently to bring out the animal in her. While you’re both rolling around and play fighting, give her a gentle nibble somewhere innocuous like her arm or shoulder. She’ll see and feel you bite her and is likely to respond by fighting back or by biting you herself.^{[9]
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- If you’re feeling frisky, try biting her ear or neck.
- Growl or make animal noises while you bite her so she knows you’re playing around.
- Don’t bite too hard or yank her skin with your teeth or it could hurt her.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Respecting Her Boundaries

1
Recognize when isn’t having fun play fighting. If your girlfriend doesn’t want to play fight anymore or she seems upset, you need to stop. She may stop making eye contact, her energy and enthusiasm will go away, and she may even start to cry if she gets upset enough. These are definite cues that the play fighting has gone too far.^{[10]
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- Even if you went too far accidentally, you need to apologize and ask her if there’s anything you can do to make her feel better.
Tip: If your girlfriend went too far, is being too aggressive, or injured you, be honest and direct with her. Ask her to stop and explain what happened so she’s aware. Accidents happen and play fighting can lead to injuries and aggression.
2
Stop if she tells you to stop. A clear boundary that you need to always respect is your girlfriend telling you “stop” or “no.” Even if you were already play fighting and having fun, if she wants to stop, you need to stop. You want her to feel save with you when you’re play fighting, especially if you’re bigger and stronger than her.^{[11]
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- She may giggle and say stop when you’re play fighting or tickling her, but if she clearly asks you to stop and isn’t having fun, stop immediately.
- It’s possible the play fighting triggered past trauma that she’s experienced, so be sensitive to her cues and listen to her.
3
Don’t play fight if you or your girlfriend are angry. In order to prevent play fighting going too far or somebody getting physically or emotionally hurt, don’t start up or participate in play fighting if you’re angry. Additionally, if your girlfriend is angry don’t try to get her to play fight with you and don’t participate in any fighting if she tries to initiate it.^{[12]
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- If you don’t feel in the mood for play fighting but your girlfriend is, try setting your negative feelings aside and have a good time with her.
- Play fighting is supposed to be fun. If you or your girlfriend are upset, take some time to cool off.
- If you or your girlfriend are angry, play fighting is not the solution. Try talking or going out for a bite to eat instead.

Community Q&A
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Question

Is play fighting good for a relationship?

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Roughhousing and play fighting can be good for a relationship as long as it’s something you both enjoy! It can be a fun way to relieve stress and enjoy each other’s company. Just respect each other’s boundaries and always stop if your girlfriend doesn’t like what you’re doing.
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What does play fighting mean?

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Play fighting is any type of fight (usually physical) in which the participants go through the motions of fighting without actually trying to hurt each other. It’s a good way to release tension and build skills like cooperation, turn-taking, and self-control. It’s also just plain fun, as long as everyone is okay with it!
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Is play fighting normal in a relationship?

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Every relationship is different, but many couples enjoy play fighting and roughhousing. There’s nothing wrong with it as long as you’re both okay with it and are careful not to let things get out of hand. Communicate clearly with your partner about what the limits are (for example, you might make a rule of no slapping, no pinning each other down, or instantly stopping if your partner says “stop,” “uncle,” or some other safe word).