How to Physically Flirt with a Girl

Co-authored by Laura Bilotta

Last Updated: March 11, 2023 References

Flirting builds attraction and tension, but it has to be done in the right way. Done in the wrong way, the girl you like might scurry off and never look back. Like all flirting, body language attraction is a fun process, but don’t rush it. Slowly position yourself so that you can flirt with your crush with confidence, and most importantly, have fun with it.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Getting Her to Warm Up to You

1
Get to know her. Think about what she likes and her interests. Ask her if you're not sure. Understanding her interests helps you find common ground so that you have a reason to see and talk to her, which brings you one step closer to physically flirting with her.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.} As you get to know her, be kind and considerate or she might not let you get much closer.
- Go slow. If you walk up and put your arm around a girl without knowing her well or flirting first, she might get offended and think you’re too forward. Flirting gradually over a period of time -- even if it is a short period of time -- is the best way to get a girl to go out with you.
2
Compliment her. Compliments give you the ability to let her warm up to you so that you can get close to her physically. When you talk to her, give her a compliment about something she's wearing that sounds genuine.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.} Otherwise, she might think you’re trying to "game" her.
- Girls like compliments as long as it doesn’t sound like a pick-up line. Superficial compliments might make her shut down and not want to talk to you.^{[3]
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- Give compliments that are unique to her and be specific. For instance, compliment her cute ears, freckles or eyes.
- Remember that a lot of girls -- even the pretty ones -- are very insecure. When you try to compliment her, she might not take you seriously because she thinks you are joking. So, reassure her that you’re not.
- Don’t neg her or give her a backhanded compliment. “You’re pretty for a brunette” is not a compliment.^{[4]
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- Never make her the object of a joke, and if people say something rude -- even if they're teasing -- tell them to stop. Then, quickly glance at her. If her eyes get bigger or if she smiles slightly, then she is impressed and thankful.
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3
Make eye contact when you speak to her. It not only lets her know that you’re listening, but it also gives her the feeling that she is worth your undivided attention. Eye contact creates tension and attraction. Try to hold her gaze for a while without breaking it -- even if there are distractions around. Ignore them. She will be impressed that you didn’t let the chaos around you distract you from her. Then, she’ll be more likely to open up to you.^{[5]
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4
Mimic her body language. If she leans forward, you lean forward. If she steps to the side, you step to the side. Mimicking her body language is a subtle way of letting her know that you are into her. Even if she is consciously unaware of this, subconsciously she may start to pick up the signal.^{[6]
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- Watch her body language as well to see if she mimics you. Mimicry is a sign that she is warming up to you even if she is not quite ready for flirtatious touching just yet.^{[7]
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5
Give her attention in a crowd. Sometimes girls can feel lost when they are standing in a large crowd or even if she is standing amongst friends -- especially if her friends are attractive. She might think that some of her friends get more attention than she does because they are prettier or more outgoing, which means it can be difficult for her to feel like she is being seen and heard. So, make her feel like she is standing out from the others by giving her more attention.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.} When she speaks, pay special attention. Make a point to talk to her directly instead of speaking to others. When the group is making a decision about where to go or what to do, ask her what she thinks the group should do.
6
Call her just to talk. Make sure that she knows that you really want to get to know her better. Calling her just to chat -- especially since texting is far more popular -- lets her know that you really are interested in getting to know her better.^{[9]
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Research source} Chat about her interests or current events. Or, just give her a hello and a short chat to let her know you’re thinking about her. You don’t need to be some extreme version of yourself that doesn’t really exist. Just be “normal."^{[10]
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7
Bring her something. Nothing major. It can be something small like a snack item that you see her eating often. Make sure that you come off like an observant person and not a creepy stalker who likes to watch her.
- Don't be put off if she refuses your gift. She may not want to immediately accept something from you. She doesn’t want to feel as if she is indebted to you because you gave her something. If you ask a couple of times, she may eventually give in and accept it.
8
Text her to ask you to meet you somewhere. If she agrees to meet you, don't comment on any other girls or talk about subjects that would make her think you aren't interested-- unless you know she likes those subjects. You don’t want her to think you only like her as a friend. You want to make her feel special, not like just another member of your group^{[11]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Sneaking to Touch Her

1
Touch her knee against yours. Slowly move your knee toward hers until they touch lightly. Make sure that you touch her knee gently and then linger, so she doesn't think that you are bumping her leg because you need more room for your legs.
- Flirting by accidental touch helps build attraction because it creates tension. Small touches here and there leaves her wanting more. But remember to keep your eyes open for mutual signals. If it doesn’t look like she’s enjoying it, stop.^{[12]
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2
Touch her hand or arm when you laugh. Say something funny, or laugh at her jokes and then laugh. While you’re laughing, gently touch the top of her hand or forearm as if to say “ you jokester.” This should look casual and natural.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.} It should look as is if you do this to everyone when you laugh. If you are sitting down when this happens, take this opportunity to casually slide your chair closer to hers.^{[14]
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3
Tuck her hair behind her ear. This works best if she has a strand of hair out of place or a strand hanging in her face. Gently, tuck the hair behind her ear so that it is out of her face.
4
Put your hand close to hers. When you are sitting next to her at a table, always place your hand so that it is really close to hers. A finger length apart or a little more is a good distance. To take it a step further, place your hands on hers for just a second as if it is accidental.
5
Play footsie. If you're sitting at a table/desk across from her, gently put your feet on top of hers. It may seem like playing footsie is a little childish, but it is a way to get a girl’s attention in a playful manner while also letting her know that you’re interested. If she looks under the table and smiles, then she is happy that the person gently kicking her is you.^{[15]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Flirting With Her Overtly

1
Hug her. It’s a reason to touch her in a non-sexual way. It’s also a legitimate reason to touch her without seeming too flirty especially if you greet her with a hug. If you do this every time you see her, she will begin to understand that hugging is the way that you greet her.^{[16]
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Research source}You could possibly get a hug every time you see her.
- If you want to take it a step further, hug her more frequently. Give her hugs for no reason if you know her fairly well. With time, this may escalate and she might start giving you hugs.^{[17]
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- However, also keep in mind that some people just don't like hugging. So, it is important to pay attention to her body language and facial expressions. If she doesn't like it, stop; and of course, if she tells you to stop, you should stop immediately.
2
Play with her hair. Some girls like this. Focus on the hair at the nape of the neck because playing with her hair in this area will probably give her chills -- in a good way. If she is comfortable with you, play with the hair close to her torso or bustline. (Be respectful though.)^{[18]
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- From there if the girl is still comfortable, take it a little further. With the back of your hand, gently push the hair hanging in front of her shoulders behind her shoulders. (Please don't do this if it looks like the girl worked a long time to style her hair. Even if you are just trying to flirt with her, she will get mad at you for ruining her hair.) If all is well, start to rub her neck like you’re giving her a neck massage.
3
Put your hands around her waist from behind. If she likes you, she'll most likely lean back on you. Touch her gently so you don't startle her. If you two get really comfortable she might even let you slide your hand down a little lower.^{[19]
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- Once she’s comfortable with you putting your hands on her waist, grab her and swing her around. Then, she’ll be facing you. Lean in and whisper something in her ear, or just say it outright. You’ll be able to tell if she liked it by the expression on her face. (Beware: Some girls are extremely ticklish and tend to involuntarily squeal or giggle when someone touches their waists).
4
Push her playfully. When you're walking next to her on a sidewalk or path, gently push her off the path. She'll probably push you back, which will start some playful flirting. Because even childishly pushing each other is a way of flirting. (Don't do this on a busy road though. Someone might get hurt.)^{[20]
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5
Put your head in her lap. If you're already friends and you're watching a movie, reading, or just talking with friends, go over and lie your head in her lap. Let her play with your hair. If she pushes you off, just laugh. This only works well if you’ve flirted with this girl many times before.
6
Tickle her. Good areas for tickling are under her ribs or the sides or her stomach. If she likes you, she'll tickle you back -- probably while smiling or laughing. Watch her signals though, if she doesn't like it or if she pulls away, stop. You don’t want to annoy her and ruin any chances of getting close to her again. If she pulls away, revert back to the physical touching that she seems to be comfortable with and do that for a while.^{[21]
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7
Be respectful. Pay attention to her body language and anything that she says. You don't want to overstep her boundaries. Overt touching should be consensual, and some people are uncomfortable with public displays of affection or being touched at all. Everyone is different, so it is very important to pay attention to her verbal and non-verbal cues. If she says, "stop" at any point, then stop. If she looks uncomfortable, stop. She'll view it as harassment because it can be viewed by her as unwanted advances. This is not attractive or respectful.

Expert Q&A
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Question

What is a flirty thing I can say to a girl?

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.

Laura Bilotta

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Give your date a genuine compliment about their clothes, hairstyle, or an accessory they're wearing.

Warnings

Pay attention to her body language to gauge if she is liking your flirting techniques.

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Remember that every girl is different and girls will respond differently.

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Don't buy her random stuff or give her too many compliments.

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Never talk to her while looking somewhere else.

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Make sure she is not with her partner.

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