How to Make an Interfaith Marriage Work

Last Updated: February 12, 2022 References

For some couples, interfaith marriage is a tricky road to walk. It can be hard to accept that your spouse doesn’t share your religious convictions, especially if your faith is a big part of your life. Interfaith marriages require lots of communication and commitment, but if you and your spouse both make an effort, you can bridge the gap and keep your marriage strong. Start by building a solid foundation of understanding and respect with your spouse. Instead of brushing the issue of religion under the rug, talk with your spouse about how your faith affects your life and your marriage. Finally, think about how you’ll deal with the family dynamics of an interfaith marriage.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Building Respect and Understanding

1
Avoid trying to convert your spouse. Respect your spouse’s beliefs, however different they are from yours. Don’t try to make them adopt your religion, and don’t criticize or make fun of them for their faith. Remember that your spouse’s religion is just as important to them as yours is to you.
- For example, if your spouse is an atheist, it's unfair to try to force your religious views onto them. Allow them the freedom to decide what they believe, just as you do.
- Accept your spouse the way they are, and assume they won’t change. If you hold out hope that your spouse will convert, it could strain your marriage.
2
Look for common ground between your religious traditions. Many religions have similar ideas at their core. Instead of focusing on all the ways you disagree with your spouse, find the issues that you do agree on.^{[1]
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- For instance, you and your spouse might have similar ideas about treating others well or raising a family.
- Consider what similar beliefs you both have. For example, do you both believe in a god?
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3
Educate yourself about your spouse’s religion. Show your spouse that you respect and care about their spiritual life by making an effort to understand their faith better. Ask them questions, read their holy texts, and seek out other educational resources about their religion. As you learn, try to understand how your spouse’s faith has shaped them as a person.^{[2]
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- For example, you might ask, "What's a good book that can help me understand your faith?" to show you are trying to understand them better.
- Invite your spouse to learn more about your faith as well. Answer any questions they have, and help them find resources for learning more.
4
Participate in your spouse’s religious traditions. Ask your spouse to bring you to their services, and meet some other people in their religious community. Help your spouse celebrate the holidays and traditions of their religion at home.^{[3]
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- For example, you might attend services with your spouse on Sundays and they might join you for mid-week services at your place of worship.
- Make sure your spouse understands that you don’t intend to convert. Explain that you are secure in your own beliefs, but you want to support their faith because you love them.
- Make your spouse feel welcome in your religious spaces and traditions, too.
5
Help your spouse grow in faith along with you. Encourage your spouse to make time for their religion and live according to their beliefs. Consider praying or studying your religious texts together.^{[4]
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- For instance, each of you could say a prayer from your faith before a meal.
6
Stay flexible. Sometimes, you and your spouse will probably have to compromise on things that matter to you both. You may never agree on certain issues, but do your best to find a solution that makes you both feel respected. Be prepared to put your marriage first, even if that means you don’t always get things your own way.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Communicating About Faith

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Discuss your religion with your spouse. Talk with your spouse about what faith means to each of you, where your faith came from, and what role it plays in your life. Stay open and non-judgmental. Work on understanding your spouse better, not turning the conversation into a debate.^{[5]
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- For example, you might say, "As a Buddhist, I am driven towards finding peace in my everyday actions. My spirituality isn't just a set of rules but a way of living and being."
- It’s a good idea to have this conversation on a regular basis, since people’s religious beliefs and perspectives often shift throughout life.
2
Discuss the future. Talk with your spouse about where you want your life to take you, how you want to develop your faith, and where you see your marriage fitting into your plan. Ask your spouse to share their hopes and expectations, too. Together, develop a plan that works for both of you.^{[6]
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- You might ask, for example, "How will we celebrate religious holidays since we have separate faiths?"
3
Make a plan for dealing with your differences. If you and your spouse keep running into the same conflicts or incompatibilities, don’t ignore them – figure out how to fix them. Think about where you can give a little ground, and offer to compromise however you can. Don’t set your beliefs aside to keep the peace, though.^{[7]
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- Make sure your compromises are a joint effort. If not, you or your spouse will end up feeling resentful.
- For example, you might go through the calendar and decide how you will celebrate different holidays or holy weeks. Some, you might celebrate together, while you might choose to celebrate others separately.
4
Consider marital counseling. For interfaith couples, marital counseling can be a good way to learn better communication and conflict resolution strategies. Consider seeing a counselor to keep your marriage strong, healthy, and mutually respectful.
- You don’t need to be having marriage problems to see a counselor. Counseling can help prevent major problems from occurring in the first place.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Dealing with Family Dynamics

1
Discuss how you will handle holidays. Make a plan for celebrating holidays from both of your religious traditions. Consider how you’ll celebrate with your families, as well as how you’ll observe holidays at home.^{[8]
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- For instance, if you are Christian and your spouse is not, ask your spouse if they are comfortable having a Christmas tree or hosting the family Easter celebration at your house.
2
Decide which religious tradition your children will be raised in. Most interfaith marriages get much more complicated once kids enter the picture. Talk with your spouse sooner rather than later about what religion your kids will be.^{[9]
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- This is a complicated and often touchy topic. Be sensitive about your spouse’s feelings as well as your own.
- Some parents opt to raise children in both of their religious traditions. Others pick only one. Either approach can work, but both require tolerance and cooperation.
3
Talk openly with your kids about religion. If you have children, explain both your beliefs and your spouse’s beliefs to them. Take a positive tone towards both religions, and don’t try to convince your kids that yours is the right one.^{[10]
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- Regardless of the religion you’re raising your kids to be, it’s important for them to have a positive and respectful view of both parents’ beliefs.
4
Talk to your families. It’ll be easier to maintain marital harmony when both of your families are on board with your interfaith marriage. Explain your religion to your in-laws, and invite your spouse to do the same for your family. Make your extended family feel included by inviting them to participate in your holidays and traditions.