How to Let a Guy Down Easy After Leading Him on

Last Updated: May 28, 2022

Whether it was intentional or not, sometimes a guy can misinterpret the signals you’re sending him and think there might be a connection between the two of you. When that happens, the nice thing to do is to let him down easy. If you’re wondering just how in the world you can do that, have no fear! We’ve put together a useful list you can use to break it to him as kindly and politely as possible.

This article is based on an interview with our professional matchmaker & dating expert, Maria Avgitidis. Check out the full interview here.

1

Put an end to it as soon as you can.

The longer you wait the harder it’ll be. No matter how long you may or may not have been leading a guy on, as soon as you get a sense that he’s interested in being more than just friends, it’s time to have the talk. Don’t put it off or try to ignore it or he could get the wrong impression and continue to pursue you.^{[1]
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- Ignoring the problem won’t make it go away! It’s also really unkind to let a guy think he has a chance when he doesn’t.
- Think of it like a band-aid. The sooner you can rip it off, the better.

2

Do it in person if you’ve known him for a while.

It’ll let them know that you’re serious. Give him a call or shoot him a message saying you want to meet up. Choose a public location where you can still find some privacy like a coffee shop or a park. Tell him the time and place and meet him there.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Maria Avgitidis
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}
- You could say, “Hey, can we meet up at the new park across town to talk?”
- Try to avoid talking at your place or his place so you can leave if things get heated or uncomfortable.
- You may also want to avoid a place that you both frequent so you don’t have bad memories and so you’re less likely to run into them in the future.

3

Send a short text if it was just one date.

If you don’t know them well, a short message works fine. Whether your friends set you up, you met him through a dating app, or you know him from social media, it’s normal and perfectly okay if you don’t have feelings for him after the first date, regardless of how you may have led him on beforehand.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Maria Avgitidis
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}
- You could start up the conversation with something like, “Hey are you busy?” or “Hi, you got a quick sec?” That way you have their attention.
- You can also send a text if you don’t feel comfortable talking to or meeting up with him in person.

4

Tell him you enjoyed spending time with him.

Start with something nice to set the tone. If you’ve known him for a little while, talk about how you’ve enjoyed hanging out and getting to know each other. If you went on a date (or a few dates), talk about how you had a good time with him.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Maria Avgitidis
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}
- You could try, “I’ve enjoyed talking with you and learning more about you” or “It’s been nice spending time with you the past few weeks.”
- You could also try, “I had a lovely evening with you at the restaurant. You were right, the food was great.”

5

Apologize for leading him on.

Be genuine and don’t try to justify your actions. Avoid adding “ifs” or “buts” to your apology. Tell him that you’re sorry for giving him the wrong idea. Let him know it’s not his fault for feeling the way he felt. Keep it short and take ownership for leading him on.^{[5]
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- You could try, “I’m sorry for leading you on and giving you the wrong idea” or “This is my fault. I led you on and I’m sorry.”

6

Be kind but honest.

Tell him that you don’t want a relationship. Don’t beat around the bush. Come right out and tell him that you don’t see the two of you being together. Keep it short and direct so there isn’t any confusion and he reads your message loud and clear.^{[6]
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- For instance, you could say, “I just don’t see you in that way” or “I’m really not interested in getting into a relationship right now.”

7

Use “I” statements to avoid putting the blame on him.

Talk about your feelings and your thoughts. Keep the conversation focused on how you feel and how you see things. Avoid talking about how he could have misinterpreted things or how he just isn’t right for you. It’ll help lessen the blow.^{[7]
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- For example, say, “I don’t feel like this relationship is right for me” instead of, “You’re a nice guy. You’re just not my type.”

8

Mention that you don’t feel long-term chemistry.

Keep the focus away from how you feel about him. Talk about how it’s not him, it’s the relationship that isn’t right for you. That way, you can let him down easy without making it personal.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Maria Avgitidis
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}
- Try, “I’m just not looking to get into a relationship right now” or “I don’t see this is a long-term type of relationship, and that’s what I’m looking for.”

9

Thank him for being kind and understanding.

Make him feel like a gentleman for respecting your wishes. Talk about how nice he was to you whenever you talked or spent time together. Tell him you’re grateful for his willingness to give you your space.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Maria Avgitidis
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}
- You could say, “Thank you so much for understanding me. Who says chivalry is dead?”
- You could also try, “It’s such a relief to be on the same page. Thank you for your patience and understanding.”

10

Wish him good luck.

Tell him there’s somebody out there for him. Try to end the conversation on a relatively positive look. Talk about how just because you’re not right for him, it doesn’t mean he won’t find someone else who could make him happy. Give him hope as you part ways.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Maria Avgitidis
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}
- You could try, “I know there’s a guy/girl out there who would be perfect for you” or “Just because I don’t have romantic feelings for you doesn’t mean there isn’t someone out there who does.”

11

Stop spending time with him.

It’s almost impossible to maintain a friendship afterward. If you can make a clean break and avoid talking to and seeing him, it’s for the best. He’ll be better able to move on and you don’t have to worry about running into him somewhere and having to deal with an awkward interaction.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Maria Avgitidis
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}
- If you have a lot of mutual friends, try as best you can to minimize contact with him.
- In time, there may not be any more weirdness between you two and you can be around each other without any awkwardness at all.