How to Keep a Man in Love with You

Co-authored by John Keegan and Madeleine Criglow

Last Updated: December 3, 2022 References

Falling in love with someone is one thing, but keeping them in love with you is a whole other story. As fun and wonderful as relationships are, they require work and cultivation to keep the spark alive. If you really love a man, you probably want to keep him in love with you, too. Here are some tips on how to keep his love for you strong while also remaining true to yourself.

1

Surprise him to show that you care.

This lets him know that he's still always on your mind. Write a love note for him and stick it in his messenger bag, backpack, or lunch before he heads to work. Get him flowers or a nice box of chocolates even if there's no special occasion. Go big and surprise him with concert tickets to see his favorite band. These surprises let him know how much you love and appreciate him. Both are super important in keeping a man head over heels in love with you.^{[1]
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- You can also surprise him with favors or nice gestures. Clean up the apartment you share so that it's spotless when he gets home from work. Wake up early and surprise him with a home-cooked breakfast.^{[2]
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2

Try new things together.

Keep the relationship fresh. Choose a new restaurant for your next date night. Go on a day trip to a place you both have never been before. Make new memories instead of reliving old ones. It will make your relationship feel new and exciting again, which can deepen your love and remind you both why you fell for each other.^{[3]
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- You can even try learning new skills together. Take a cooking class or train for an upcoming marathon together even if you've never run one before. It will enrich your life as a couple with new experiences.

3

Touch him often.

Playful touch is super important in relationships! Kiss him on the cheek, hold his hand, and give him a hug goodbye before even a quick errand. If you're super tired but still want to feel close, cuddle on the couch. Keeping the physical intimacy alive between the two of you will make him feel closer to you, and remind him how much he loves you.^{[4]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.}
- Only do what you feel comfortable with. If you're not feeling physically affectionate, show that you care in other ways. Write him a love note or pick up his favorite candy bar at the store.

4

Make efforts to show you love him every day.

Don't get too comfortable. Being in love is wonderful and fun, but it also takes work to keep those feelings alive. Schedule date nights no matter how busy you are, tell him how much you love him even when you're not in the best mood, and make your day-to-day life as a couple feel special. This helps your partner feel loved and appreciated, which will keep him wanting your affection.^{[6]
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- Maybe you've been super busy at work lately. Call him on your 10-minute break to show that he's on your mind despite all the work stress.
- Say something like, "I just wanted to say I miss you. Can't wait to see you this evening!"

5

Let him know that you're grateful for him.

It's hard to stay in love if you feel taken for granted. Always remember to tell him how thankful you are for your relationship.^{[7]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.} Write him a love note to stick in his lunch before work and tell him how much he means to you just for the sake of doing it. Actively express gratitude as often as you can so he feels appreciated and loved by you. It will keep his feelings strong in return.^{[8]
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- Say something like, "You know how to make me laugh on even the worst days. I'm so grateful to have you" or "I don't know what I'd do without you. You make my life so amazing."
- You could say things like "I really appreciate that you made me breakfast this morning" or "I really appreciate how hard you work."^{[9]
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  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.}

6

Build him up and don't put him down.

Don't make fun of him or make him feel bad about himself. As your relationship progresses, you may notice his flaws or quirks. Don't tease him about the things he can't help, and definitely don't belittle him or make him feel bad in front of friends and relatives. Instead, tell him why you think he's the greatest, especially when he's feeling low. Your support will mean the world to him and keep him very much in love.^{[10]
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Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
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- After a rough day at work, say something like, "I don't know what your boss is talking about. I've seen you work with customers and you're so kind and attentive to them!"

7

Be consistent.

Make sure that your man can count on you. If you offer to pick him up at work, follow through and be on time. Making promises you don't always keep can erode your partner's trust over time. To keep a man in love with you, show that he can depend on you.^{[11]
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- If you ever mess up and forget to follow through, give him a genuine apology. Everyone makes mistakes in relationships. Apologizing will show him that you genuinely care about his feelings.^{[12]
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8

Listen to him when he needs to talk.

This is a great way to show him that you care. When he talks to you, make eye contact and listen attentively.^{[13]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.} Don't text or check your phone while he's telling you about his day. Instead, focus on what he's saying and ask follow-up questions to get even closer to him Your attention will make him feel supported and loved, which increases his positive feelings towards you in return.^{[14]
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- If he comes home and remarks that he had a bad day, ask him something like, "Do you want to talk about it?" Even if he doesn't, he'll appreciate that you care.
- It's really important for him to feel heard, listened to, and understood. This doesn't mean that you have to agree with everything he says, but you should always listen and let him be himself.^{[15]
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  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.}

9

Give him space.

People need to do their own thing sometimes. To keep things feeling fresh, don't spend every waking moment together. Let him have his time to play video games after a long day at work or read comic books on a Saturday afternoon. This will allow him to keep up with his own interests and feel good about himself on his own. Plus, if you want him to stay in love, you've got to give him a chance to miss you a little!^{[16]
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- Make some time for your interests, too. While he's having his solo movie marathon, practice playing the piano or open up that book you've been meaning to read.
- Keeping up with your individual hobbies can actually strengthen your relationship.

10

Talk about conflicts openly.

Avoid waiting for him to notice that you're upset. When you run into conflict (which completely normal in healthy relationships) wait for a good time and tell him how you feel. Use I-statements and avoid placing blame as you discuss your point of view. Give him a chance to share his perspective and try to come up with a solution that you both feel good about. Getting through conflict together can show you both how strong your love is.
- To start the conversation, say something like, "I think I need to talk about something that's been on my mind. Is this a good time?" or "Can we talk about something?"
- Always make an effort to listen. A lot of fights can happen when couples don't listen to each other.^{[17]
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  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.}

11

Cultivate your own interests outside the relationship.

Keep being the interesting person you were when he first fell in love. Go for that promotion at work, take on new hobbies like playing an instrument, and spend time with your friends. Avoid making your relationship your whole life. To keep your partner in love with you, you've got to keep being your (independent) self.^{[18]
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- Make time to hang out with your friends without your partner. Couple hangouts can be a lot of fun, but it's also important to relax and spend time with just your friends sometimes.
- Keeping your own interests alive helps you have more things to talk about with your partner, too. He can ask you about the songs you're learning on the guitar or the new moves you mastered in dance class.

12

Encourage him to spend time with his friends.

This shows that you trust him and want him to be happy. If you struggle with jealousy, know that it's normal, but try to keep those feelings at bay. Remember how much you value hanging out with your friends on your own sometimes, and try to see things from his point of view. He'll appreciate your trust and support, and his time away will only make him appreciate his time with you more.^{[19]
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HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
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- It can be hard not to get a little jealous when he spends time away from you. Try to keep those feelings at bay, as keeping up with outside friendships can really benefit your relationship.^{[20]
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  HelpGuide
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13

Make time for sex and physical intimacy.

This can really help you both feel closer to each other. Talk about what you're into and try new things together. Avoid getting stuck in the same routine when it comes to sex. Instead, experiment to keep things interesting. It can help you strengthen your bond as a couple and remember the passion that brought you both together in the first place.^{[21]
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HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Never feel pressure to have sex with your partner. There's a lot of ways to feel close to your partner, and sex is only fun if both of you actively want to participate!

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I win a man's heart forever?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Offer him nice words of affirmation! Try to understand his love language, as it informs you of what he needs. Also, acknowledge and appreciate everything he does for you so that he feels respected and adored in the relationship.
Question

How do you make your man want you more?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Everybody needs different kinds of love! Since there are different ways of communicating love — like words of affirmation, touch, and acts of service, for example —, you should know your partner's love languages to help fulfill them.
Question

How can I make my relationship strong and last long?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

No matter how great your relationship is, fighting can kill the attraction. If you’re fighting all the time, the chemistry starts to change and if it doesn't get healed, it will build-up over time and usually turns into a breakout. So, try to do your best to listen and resolve conflicts in a productive way to help your relationship long-term.