How to Ignore Someone Who Ignores You

Co-authored by Hyungbum Kang, MA, MSW, LCSW, MAC and Jessica Gibson

Last Updated: November 11, 2022 References

Feeling ignored is surprisingly painful. You might find that you're constantly thinking about the person and wondering what's happened or what you can do to fix things. Being ignored can eventually damage your self-esteem and feelings of happiness. At some point, you probably need to take a break and focus on your own needs. We'll walk you through some useful ways to get some space and spend time on self-care.

1

Walk away and give them some space.

Don't try to communicate with the person if they're ignoring you. Sometimes, you just need a break from them and it might be what they need, too. There's no need to make a scene or dramatically announce that you're giving them space—just go somewhere else and catch a break.^{[1]
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- Obviously, this might not be possible if you live with the person. In this case, you both may need a few hours of space to just cool off. For instance, give your roommate or partner a break and get out of your home for a while.
- If a co-worker is ignoring you, try to leave the issue at work. When you go home, don't allow yourself to even think about it.

2

Distract yourself with new challenges.

Take a class on something you're interested in or volunteer. Focus on your passions instead of worrying about the person ignoring you. Learning something new or devoting your time to something you care about will really help you move on and can take the sting out of feeling ignored.
- For example, enroll in a language class at a community college or volunteer at an animal shelter. Sometimes, just getting outside of your own problems can make them feel smaller.

3

Spend time around supportive people.

Enjoy yourself with friends and family instead of stressing. It might seem difficult to take your mind off of the person who's ignoring you, but it's easier if you're having fun and in a positive mindset. Hang out with people who make you feel good about yourself!^{[2]
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- If a partner or family member is ignoring you, talk it out with your friends or just enjoy getting out and taking a mental break.

4

Focus on your own happiness.

Do activities that boost your self-confidence.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Hyungbum Kang, MA, MSW, LCSW, MAC
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Expert Interview. 22 July 2021.} It's really hard to not take it personally when someone ignores you—consequently, your self-esteem might be really low. Instead of putting all your mental energy into thinking about the other person, take time for yourself! This is especially important if someone really close to you is ignoring you. Practice self-care so you feel more positive. You might:^{[4]
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- Go out for a movie with friends.
- Get moving—go out for a jog or go climbing.
- Eat out at your favorite restaurant.
- Pick up a book by your favorite author.

5

Acknowledge your feelings.

Take a moment to identify your emotions. If someone's ignoring you, you may immediately want to ignore them, but it's important to figure out how you feel. When they ignore you do you feel hurt? Neglected? Embarrassed? Accept your feelings so you know how to move forward.^{[5]
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Trustworthy Source
Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
Go to source}
- For instance, you might think, "It really makes me angry when Tina ignores me. We're supposed to be best friends!" or, "I'm embarrassed when Jose ignores me—he's my brother after all."
- If someone you don't know very well ignores you, you may decide that the relationship isn't worth it. However, if a relative or partner ignores you, it's really important to identify how it affects you.

6

Ask yourself if they're really ignoring you.

Think about whether you've tried to communicate with them. It is possible that they're in a bad mood and aren't aware that they're being quiet with you. You might ask them a question or try to start a simple conversation to see how they respond—you may find that they begin talking and weren't really ignoring you in the first place.^{[6]
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- While you're thinking about it, what frame of mind are you in? If you're in a bit of a negative mood or worried about your relationship with this person, you might be reading too much into things.
- If you don't know someone very well, you might be misreading their quiet or shy nature. For instance, a co-worker might not be ignoring you—they may just be introverted.

7

Figure out the cause of their behavior.

Don't assume that they're the reason they're shutting down. When someone ignores you, it can feel like they're personally attacking you, but pause and ask yourself what else is going on with them. Are they feeling insecure about something? Maybe they're frustrated or angry about something happening with their job or life.^{[7]
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Trustworthy Source
Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
Go to source}
- For example, your partner might be worried about a project at work or a relative might be dwelling on a health concern.
- Try not to let their silence make you unhappy. Focus on your needs and mental health.

8

Propose a cooling-off period if your partner ignores you.

Acknowledge the cold shoulder treatment and plan to talk. It's one thing if an acquaintance or co-worker ignores you, but it's another thing if your partner does it. Ignoring their treatment of you can harm your relationship, so tell them you're noticing and discuss a later time to talk.^{[8]
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- For instance, say, "I notice that you've shut down and you're not talking to me. I don't know if it's because you're stressed or work's tough, and I know you don't want to talk, but let's make a plan to talk tomorrow about what's been happening."
- It's important to take time and communicate how you want to be treated.^{[9]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Hyungbum Kang, MA, MSW, LCSW, MAC
  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
  Expert Interview. 22 July 2021.}

9

Get professional help if your partner frequently ignores you.

Talk with a couple's therapist if silence is affecting your relationship. Every couple goes through bumpy patches, but if your partner uses silence as a way to punish or hurt you and they do this repeatedly, it's time to get help. Encourage your partner to attend couple's counseling to improve your communication.^{[10]
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- You deserve to be in a healthy relationship, so don't be afraid to stand up for your needs.^{[11]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Hyungbum Kang, MA, MSW, LCSW, MAC
  Licensed Clinical Social Worker
  Expert Interview. 22 July 2021.}