How to Help People With Anxiety

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: February 1, 2023 References Approved

If you know someone with anxiety, you may know that it can be a debilitating disorder of emotion that can leave the nervous individual feeling exhausted and powerless.^{[1]
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MedlinePlus
Collection of medical information sourced from the US National Library of Medicine
Go to source} Fortunately, a lot can be done to help individuals cope with and treat anxiety.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Learning The Ropes

1
Learn about the causes of anxiety. Read up on the causes of anxiety.^{[2]
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Research source} This will help you understand the other person's perspective and give you some sense of when to offer help. You might ask about a difficult past, a medical condition, or just if there's anything to talk about.
- Although the exact cause of anxiety disorders isn't fully understood, certain factors such as painful or traumatic life experiences and certain genetic traits increase the likelihood of having anxiety.^{[3]
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  Mayo Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  Go to source}
- Other times, anxious individuals have an underlying medical condition such as irritable bowel syndrome, heart disease, asthma, premenstrual syndrome, or thyroid problems.^{[4]
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  Trustworthy Source
  Cleveland Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  Go to source}
2
Learn about different types of anxiety. There are several different kinds of anxiety disorders that have different underlying triggers. Try to get a sense of what kind of anxiety your contact might be suffering from so you can form a more specific response:^{[5]
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US Department of Health and Human Services
Federal department responsible for improving the health and well-being of Americans
Go to source}
- Agoraphobia: anxiety about being in places where you could become trapped or lose control.^{[6]
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  National Health Service (UK)
  Public healthcare system of the UK
  Go to source}
- Anxiety caused by an underlying medical condition, such as irritable bowel syndrome, heart disease, or thyroid problems. You might be able to reduce the anxiety if you can help with treatment for the underlying medical condition (for example, by reminding them to take medication).
- Generalized anxiety disorder. This type of anxiety describes individuals who are excessively anxious about the day-to-day events in life.
- Anxiety related to substance abuse or withdrawal. Suggest a visit to a medical professional to help get clean or manage withdrawal symptoms.
- Panic disorder: very intense feelings of anxiety and/or fear, lasting up to several minutes. These can involve difficulty breathing, heart fluttering (palpitations), and a sense of danger or incoming doom.^{[7]
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  Trustworthy Source
  Mayo Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  Go to source}
- Social anxiety disorder: an excessive fear of social interactions. The anxious person may be excessively self-conscious, become embarrassed very easily, or fear screwing up in social situations.^{[8]
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  Trustworthy Source
  National Institute of Mental Health
  Informational website from U.S. government focused on the understanding and treatment of mental illness.
  Go to source}
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3
Remember what anxiety feels like. Anxiety is not a fun experience. One way to help is by understanding what the anxious person is going through so you can provide comfort in specific ways related to the individual's symptoms. Anxiety symptoms include:^{[9]
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Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- Feeling nervous.
- Feeling powerless.
- Feeling a sense of incoming danger.
- Feeling weak.
- Feeling tired.
- Difficulty concentrating.
4
Listen carefully. Different people may require different kinds of aid. Perhaps the best way to find out how you can help is to ask. There are a number of things you can do to be a good listener:^{[10]
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- Keep your expressions neutral. For example, say things like "I see", or "uh huh".
- Match your expressions with the emotional tone of the conversation. For example, if your friend is very upset, try to make your "I see" sound empathic or reassuring rather than either emotionally cold sounding or excited (both of these contrast with the other person's mood).
- Ask a lot of open-ended questions. If you want to find out more about how you can help, rather than asking "are you anxious?" use an open-ended question such as "what kinds of things or situations generally make you anxious?"
- Pay close attention by doing your best to clear your mind of your own worries and keep track only of the other person's thoughts and feelings.
5
Practice empathy. Empathy refers to the ability to sense others' emotions and imagine what they might be thinking or feeling.^{[11]
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Trustworthy Source
Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
Go to source} There are some ways to be empathetic towards those with anxiety:^{[12]
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- Focus your attention on the anxious person.
- Keep in mind shared human values and the shared human experience. Remember that we all have a lot of the same pains, fears, and worries; this can make it easier to understand another perspective.
- Temporarily suspend your own judgments.
- Share relatable experiences but do so sparingly so as not to take over the conversation. The key is to demonstrate that you can relate to the anxious person's experiences.
6
Observe the anxious individual. Learn to look for outward signs of anxiety, so you can get a sense of when they are anxious. This lets you provide help or comfort in times of distress. Signs of anxiety include:^{[13]
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Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- Nervousness.
- Rapid breathing.
- Sweating.
- Trembling.
7
Keep costs and benefits in mind. Try to remember that if you don't get much benefit out of an activity but it causes your friend or partner significant anxiety; it may be best to stop.
- That said, avoid over-accommodating the anxious person's anxiety, as it provides little incentive to change.^{[14]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Navigating Your Relationship

1
Positively reinforce healthy behaviors. For example, compliment your socially anxious partner if they attend a party and get on well with people. Let them know they were the life of the party and give a few specific compliments.^{[15]
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- This may help your partner realize that engaging with others socially isn't so bad and that it is possible to thrive in social interactions.
2
Avoid criticizing unhealthy, anxiety-driven behaviors. If you rebuke someone for anxiety-related behaviors, this might just cause more anxiety. This is the opposite of what you want to do.^{[16]
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- If you are frustrated and tempted to criticize, try leaving the room and entering again once you have calmed down.
- Instead of focusing on the current, negative behavior, focus on the potential positives that could result if the behavior changed. For example, instead of getting upset at a friend for avoiding social situations, say something like "imagine all the networking opportunities there will be at that party tonight. In the past, I've made a few great friends from these sorts of events."
3
Suggest treatment. You can help someone with anxiety by encouraging them to seek treatment.^{[17]
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Research source} Let them know that psychotherapy, medication, or some combination of both often succeed in treating anxiety.^{[18]
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Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- Keep in mind that the kind of treatment you suggest may depend on the type of anxiety or its underlying cause. For example, rehab is useful for anxiety caused by drug abuse. Social anxiety is typically treated by a mental health professional.
4
Prepare for panic attacks. Some kinds of anxiety result in panic attacks. Panic attacks may result in difficulty breathing or heart palpitations, and the anxious individual may think they are having a heart attack or losing control. Panic attacks can be very scary for the anxious individual, and for you if you aren't prepared.^{[19]
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- During a panic attack, the sufferer likely won't have the energy to physically move, respond, or have normal thoughts. Rather than getting upset or worried yourself, provide reassurance and tell them that it will soon pass.
- If you have any suspicions that the symptoms are not the result of a panic attack, take the necessary medical precautions, such as calling emergency services.
5
Relax. Spend a nice, quiet, relaxing evening with just the two of you. Spend it at home if public spaces increase anxiety.^{[20]
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- Make it clear that you don't mind spending time, in a way that makes the other person feel comfortable and at ease. Perhaps the biggest way to help an anxious individual is to be understanding and flexible.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can you help someone with social anxiety disorder?

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Liana Georgoulis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with over 10 years of experience, and is now the Clinical Director at Coast Psychological Services in Los Angeles, California. She received her Doctor of Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2009. Her practice provides cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples.

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

Sometimes people want to know when they’re worrying too much and talking, again and again, can fuel that worry and rumination. You should start by acknowledging and summarizing the person’s anxiety and then helping them examine the evidence. Talk about how likely it is that the thing they’re worried about is going to happen. Ask them how many times they’ve worried about this, had this fear, and how often it has actually happened. The best thing you can do is come up with helpful, balanced ways of thinking.