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Want to make your friends laugh out loud with a text? Texting is a quick and easy way to connect with people, perfect for sending clever quips to brighten their day. All you need to do is find a few jokes that translate well on a phone screen! If you need a little inspiration, look no further. We’ve put together a handy list of jokes, puns, and witty one-liners you can send over text.
Steps
Funny Text Jokes
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1What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships!
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2What do a tick and the Eiffel tower have in common? They’re both Paris sites.[1]Advertisement
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3What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
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4When does a joke become a dad joke? When it’s apparent.
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5What did summer say to spring? I’m going to fall!
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6What did one snowman say to another? Wait, do you smell carrots?
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7What did the hungry clock do? It went back 4 seconds.
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8What’s the tallest building in the world? A library, of course. It has so many stories!
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9Don’t take life too seriously. Remember, you will never get out of it alive!
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10I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila!
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11I know they say that money talks… ...But all mine says is “Goodbye!”
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12I used to have a handle on life… ...But then it broke.
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13I tried to catch fog the other day. But I mist.
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14Let’s start telling people their brain is an app. Maybe then they’ll want to use it!
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15I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s literally impossible to put down!
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16What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur? Thesaurus.
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17Why can’t you trust a burrito? They tend to spill the beans.
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18What’s a plant’s favorite drink? Root beer!
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19I threw a boomerang a few years ago… ...And now I live in constant fear.
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20What did one hat say to another? You wait here; I’ll go on ahead.
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21I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
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22Blunt pencils are really pointless.
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236:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
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24Just burned 2,000 calories! That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.[2]
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25You and I will be friends forever! Because at this point, you know too much.
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26Thanks for being my best friend. And for always going along with my worst ideas, of course!
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27This may be cheesy… ...But you’re legen-dairy!
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28What concert only costs 45 cents? 50 Cent and Nickelback.
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29There are 3 kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can’t.
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30What kind of button doesn’t button or unbutton? A belly button!
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31I know someone who does a great impression of an owl…
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32I’m a nobody and nobody is perfect… ...Therefore, I must be perfect!
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33Knock knock. Who’s there? Muffin. Muffin who? Muffin in this world can stop us!
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34Knock knock. Who’s there? Ben. Ben who? Ben thinking about you all day!
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35Knock knock. Who’s there? Spell. Spell who? Okay, fine…W-H-O.
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36Is your name Google? Because you’ve got everything I’m searching for.
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37Are you a keyboard? Because you’re my type!
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38On a scale of 1 to 10, you’re a 9… ...And I’m the 1 you need!
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39Roses are red, the world is a mess… ...And worst of all, you’re not answering my texts.
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40Do you know what my favorite thing in the world is? The second word of this text!
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41We’ll we’ll we’ll… If it isn’t autocorrect.
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42Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
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43What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
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44The rotation of the Earth really makes my day.
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45The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It got a little tense.