How to Deal With Rude Customers

Co-authored by Alyssa Chang

Last Updated: October 27, 2022 References Approved

Most people who work in some aspect of customer service have, at some point, encountered a rude customer. Sometimes customers lose patience with the employee, some customers get frustrated with situational inconveniences, and some customers are just simply rude. Whether the customer's behavior was warranted or not, it can be incredibly stressful for employees to deal with rude behavior from customers. Knowing how to defuse a tense situation with a rude customer can help you feel happier and more comfortable at work, regardless of your profession.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Holding Back Your Emotions

1
Remain calm. The number one rule of customer service is to never lose your temper with a customer, no matter how rude the person is being. Losing your temper with the customer will only escalate the situation, and could quickly result in your termination.^{[1]
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- Take a deep breath, drawing air in and out from your diaphragm instead of your chest. Deep breaths taken from the stomach help relax the body, even during stressful situations.^{[2]
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  American Psychological Association
  Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
  Go to source}
- Imagine something relaxing. It can be a place you've been or an entirely imaginary situation, but visualizing someplace or something that helps you relax can calm your racing thoughts and help you remain calm.^{[3]
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  Trustworthy Source
  American Psychological Association
  Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
  Go to source}
2
Don't take insults personally. This can be tricky for some people, especially those who tend to internalize criticism. The key is to remember that no matter what the customer is actually saying, the real cause of his problem has nothing to do with you as a person.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Alyssa Chang
Wellness Coach & Personal Trainer
Expert Interview. 16 October 2019.} He is most likely upset about the product he's purchased or the service he expected. It's entirely possible that the customer had unreasonable expectations to begin with, or perhaps there was a simple error made that has momentarily upset him. Focus on resolving the issue, rather than focusing on feeling hurt or insulted.^{[5]
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- Repeat a calming mantra to yourself internally. Something that will help center you and keep you calm would be key. Try thinking to yourself, "This is not my fault. He isn't mad at me, and it's not about me." It can help remind you that you haven't necessarily done anything wrong, and that the customer's temper will eventually pass.
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3
Listen and learn what the real issue is. If a customer is being rude to you, it's possible that you or a coworker made a mistake. Or perhaps the customer did not get something he was supposed to get. Whether or not the customer's behavior is appropriate to the situation, the key is to listen and try to understand what that actual situation is. It can be difficult to listen to an irate customer screaming obscenities at you, but beneath all that anger there is a problem that, most likely, you or a coworker can resolve. Tune out the customer's bad attitude, and zero in on the problem that is causing his bad behavior.^{[6]
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- Rather than making statements about the issue, stick to asking questions. This shows the customer that you're not being resistant to his complaint, and in answering your questions he may come to realize that there has been some sort of misunderstanding.^{[7]
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- Try to ignore whatever insulting or rude things the customer is saying, and focus on what his actual complaint is. If he isn't making his complaint clear, ask him politely but firmly, "Sir, I'm not following what the issue is. What can I do to help you today?"
- Try asking something like, "What were your expectations?" and follow that question with a polite "Why did you have those expectations?" This should be done carefully, as asking these questions without a calm and polite tone could come across as flippant. But these questions may help get to the root of the problem - for example, perhaps the customer misread an advertisement, or misunderstood what was being offered.
- You may need to state the reason for your stance on the issue. This is fine, but make sure you stick to the issue and your reasoning without attacking the customer or his logic. Calling his logic or his character into question will only escalate the situation and make him more difficult to deal with.^{[8]
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4
Speak low and slow. If a customer is getting increasingly irate, try lowering your voice and talking slower. This can have a somewhat soothing effect, and it also communicates to the customer that you are being firm and professional. It's important to consciously monitor your own tone and volume, because if you let yourself grow irate back at the customer it will only make things worse.^{[9]
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- If your correspondence with the customer is by email, take a few moments to center yourself before responding to the email. Take a few deep breaths, focus on something that makes you happy, and compose the email only after you've composed yourself.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Assessing the Situation

1
Empathize with the customer. It may be difficult to empathize with someone who is being rude or even aggressive, but this is the best tactic. This shows the customer that you're not trying to ruin his experience, and lets him know that you're willing to work with him to resolve the issue. This can help defuse the undoubtedly tense situation between you and the customer.^{[10]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source}
- Let the customer know that you understand how he feels, and why he is upset. Try saying something like, "I understand why you're upset, sir. That sounds like a very frustrating situation."
2
Put yourself in the customer's shoes. Though you don't actually have to imagine the situation from the customer's point of view, it can be helpful. At the very least you should verbally summarize the situation to the customer, speaking from his point of view, to show the customer that you are on his side.^{[11]
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- Say something like, "Okay, sir, just to make sure I understand..." and then reiterate what the customer has told you. This subtly communicates to the customer that you trust his version of events, and that you take whatever happened very seriously.^{[12]
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3
Apologize politely to the customer. Once you've ascertained what the customer is actually upset about and recapped the situation with him, offer him a polite apology. It doesn't matter if you feel the customer deserves an apology. The reality of the situation is that you will not be able to defuse the situation without apologizing and making some effort at remedying the situation.^{[13]
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- Try saying something like, "I do apologize for that inconvenience, sir. Let me see what we can do to take care of that issue for you.
4
Don't back down. If the customer is wrong and he is being unreasonable, you should still apologize for any inconvenience, but you may need to hold your own ground to prevent the customer from walking all over you.
- Use firm but polite phrases, such as "Please let me finish," "That was not my question," or "That's not what I said.
- If you're communicating by email and the customer ignores something you've already said, try saying it again, or say something firm but polite like "Sir, I've already addressed that issue for you. Is there anything else I can do to help you today?"
5
Admit if there's nothing you can do. An irate customer will most likely continue to act out for as long as he thinks his behavior will change the outcome. If there's nothing that you or your coworkers can do, let the customer know. Be polite but firm - say something like, "I understand your frustration, and I'm terribly sorry, but there is nothing we can do about the problem." He may get more upset, but he'll most likely recognize he's defeated and leave after he feels he's said his piece.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Resolving the Issue

1
If there is a simple solution, take it. If you are authorized to give customers a refund or exchange on an unsatisfactory product, do so. This will make the customer happy, and it will reduce your potential stress. Often times the simplest solution is the most desirable solution for everyone involved.^{[14]
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- You may want to consider asking the customer what he would like you to do to fix the issue at hand. Be aware, though, that if the customer is still ill-tempered or unreasonable, he may not be willing to offer a reasonable, practical solution.^{[15]
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2
Look for written statements. If the customer has an issue about a purchase, ask to see his receipt. Or if the customer is making demands that go against an agreement he signed, you can show him the agreement. No matter what the situation is, having some sort of documentation or supporting evidence can help you quickly shut down an irate customer's demands, if he's being unreasonable.
- If your correspondence with the customer is through a series of emails, you can email him proof of a contract or agreement, or simply refer him to an earlier email, if any previous correspondence dealt with the issue at hand.
3
Consult with a manager. If you are not authorized to give refunds or exchanges, or if you're certain that doing so would go against your company's policy in this instance, talk to your supervisor. You should also let a supervisor know if a customer becomes irate or unreasonable, as the manager may need to intercede before things escalate.^{[16]
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- Let your supervisor know what the customer's complaints are, what the issue seems to be caused by, and mention that the customer was being difficult.
- Your supervisor may give you instructions on how to proceed, or she may offer to step in and talk to the customer herself. At the very least, your supervisor should be able to help you strategize a reasonable solution to the problem, ideally one that would satisfy all parties involved.
4
Take a breather once it's over. Once the situation has been resolved, or at least defused, it's important to take a short break (if your job allows it). Step outside for some fresh air, grab a cup of coffee or tea, or simply go into the washroom and splash some cool water on your face. Whatever strategy you choose, it's important that you give yourself some time to cool down and unwind after a tense, potentially upsetting situation.
5
Work on letting things go. After a tense situation, such as dealing with a rude customer, you may feel the temptation to vent about that customer to other coworkers, or even to friends or family when you get home. But experts warn that venting about an upsetting situation can actually become quite damaging over time, if you do it often. Even though it offers a short-term period of relaxation and satisfaction, over time that practice of venting or ranting can inadvertently become the preferred way your brain deals with stress and anger. That can become unhealthy for you, and it could become frustrating for your friends, family, and coworkers.^{[17]
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American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
- Think positive thoughts about yourself. Let yourself feel good about having defused a stressful situation without losing your cool.^{[18]
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- Remove self-doubt by looking at the facts.This may be difficult, but it's important to take yourself out of the equation and recognize once again that the customer wasn't necessarily mad at you, and most likely didn't mean anything rude that was said. That customer was simply upset with the situation, and you happened to get caught in the crossfire.^{[19]
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  Trustworthy Source
  Harvard Business Review
  Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
  Go to source}
6
Work to prevent future problems. Ask yourself honestly whether or not anything could have been done differently to prevent the problem. Don't beat yourself up about it, just determine whether you or your coworkers could have done something differently. Then, use the unpleasant confrontation as a learning experience. You successfully acknowledged the problem, addressed it, and resolved it--that's something worth feeling good about. Next time it will be easier, and you'll know how to manage unpleasant customers.^{[20]
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Expert Q&A

Question

What to do with a customer who always complains?

Alyssa Chang
Wellness Coach & Personal Trainer
Alyssa Chang is a nutrition coach and trainer, based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She uses her extensive background in brain-based neuroscience to work with clients on improving their connections with their brain and body to heal, reach goals, and move pain-free. She holds a BS in Kinesiology and Exercise, Nutrition and Wellness from the California State University, East Bay and is certified in Precision Nutrition, Z-health Performance and is certified by the National Council for Strength and Fitness.

Alyssa Chang

Wellness Coach & Personal Trainer

Expert Answer

Create energetic or physical boundaries between you and that person so you can clearly identify where they start, where they end and where you start and end in order to buffer some of the negativity.

Warnings

Never ignore threats made by a rude customer toward you, a coworker or your company. Report any threats of violence to a supervisor.

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