Dating a Man Who Is Not Financially Stable: Relationship Tips

Addressing money issues in a relationship where you’re the higher earner

Co-authored by Hannah Madden

Last Updated: March 1, 2023 References

Signs He Is Not Financially Stable

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Handling Financial Issues in a Relationship

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Is it shallow to break up with a man because he’s financially unstable?

When you’re in a new relationship, the last thing on your mind is your finances. But money issues can be a real deal breaker, especially if the new guy you’re seeing isn’t quite as responsible with his money as you are. If you’re worried that your partner is financially unstable or you’re wondering whether or not to continue the relationship, we’ve got you covered. Keep reading for the top signs that your partner is financially unstable, as well as how you can protect your own assets when your partner isn’t as good with money as you are.

Things You Should Know

The guy you’re seeing might not be financially stable if his spending exceeds his income levels.
Similarly, he may be bad with money if he asks you for a loan or he runs out of money by the end of the month.
Protect your own assets when dating someone financially unstable by having a frank conversation about money and budgeting.

Section 1 of 3:

Signs He Is Not Financially Stable

1
His spending doesn’t match his income. If you know what this guy does for work, then you probably know (roughly) how much he makes. Think about his spending habits: do they seem like they fit in with his salary range? If not, he may be over-spending throughout the month.^{[1]
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- For instance, maybe he’s constantly taking you out to fancy dinners or he goes shopping all the time at expensive stores, even though you know his salary doesn’t necessarily support that.
2
He’s evasive when you ask him about money. Talking about money is important, even with a new partner. If you try to bring up money, does he answer clearly? Or does he brush the subject under the rug? If he doesn’t want to talk about money at all, it could be a sign that he’s having money problems.^{[2]
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- Some people find it uncomfortable to talk about money with their partners at all. Try being open about your income and spending habits to encourage him to open up, too.
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3
He asks you to borrow money. When a guy asks someone they’re dating for money, it’s a red flag. Usually, this means that he’s got pretty bad spending habits, and his budget isn’t as tight as it needs to be.^{[3]
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- In general, it’s not a good idea to loan money to someone that you’re dating, especially if the relationship is new. This can introduce a weird dynamic between you two, especially if he struggles to pay you back.
4
He seems stressed about money all the time. Money problems can cause or exacerbate mental issues, like depression and anxiety. If your guy seems like he’s overly stressed or down about his finances all the time, it’s likely that he’s not financially stable.^{[4]
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Mind
U.K.-based mental health charity focused on providing advice and resources to anyone facing mental health problems.
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5
He’s out of money by the end of the month. Someone who’s bad at budgeting will often struggle to make ends meet until pay-day. If your guy spends tons of money at the beginning of the month but then is super frugal near the end, it’s likely that he’s living paycheck to paycheck.^{[5]
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- There’s nothing inherently wrong with living paycheck to paycheck, especially if he doesn’t have a ton of work experience yet. However, this likely means that he is not putting much money into savings.
6
He struggles with addiction. Any type of substance abuse likely indicates that his spending habits aren’t stellar. If you notice that the guy you’re dating is spending a lot on substances throughout the month, it’s likely eating through his budget.^{[6]
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Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source} People who struggle with addiction can be great partners, but it’s important that he’s open and honest with you about anything he’s going through.
- Keep in mind that gambling can be an addiction, too. Gambling leads to a ton of money problems, even if you’re rich.
7
He’s in a lot of debt. You might notice that he’s letting bills pile up or that he’s getting a lot of calls from bill collectors. A small amount of debt is normal for most people, but a mountain of it can cause real problems.^{[7]
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- He might mention in passing that he’s in “a lot” of credit card debt, or how he took out a lot of student loans to pay for college.

Section 2 of 3:

Handling Financial Issues in a Relationship

1
Talk about money with your partner. Have an open, honest conversation about how much money he makes and what kind of debt he’s in. It might not be comfortable, but if you’re going to move forward with this man, you both need to be upfront with each other.^{[8]
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- Start the conversation by saying something like, “I know this might be uncomfortable, but I think we should talk about finances. How much do you usually make a year?”
- Talk about his salary, spending habits, debt, and any financial goals he wants to accomplish.
2
Split the majority of your expenses. When you’re the one who makes more in the relationship, you might find that you default to paying for a lot of stuff (food, outings, vacations, etc.). While it’s totally fine to treat your partner when you’d like to, it’s not fair for you to pay for everything. Talk about splitting expenses in the future so you don’t feel taken advantage of.^{[9]
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- You might need to spell this out clearly for him, especially if you’ve already been paying for a lot of things in the relationship. Say something like, “I’d really like it if we could start splitting the check when we go out to eat. It would help me stay within my budget each month.”
3
Help him create a budget. Sometimes, people live above their means because they don’t know how to budget. If he’s open to it, see if he’ll sit down with you and go over his finances. Start by taking his base income and subtracting all his expenses to make a basic budget.^{[10]
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- If he doesn’t want to share that much about his finances with you, consider showing him your own budget as an example instead.
4
Sign a prenup before you get married. If this relationship is getting serious and tying the knot is on the horizon, talk to a lawyer about getting a prenup agreement made. A prenup will protect you and your assets (and him and his assets) in case you two ever split up in the future.^{[11]
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5
End the relationship if you feel taken advantage of. Some people get into relationships for the wrong reasons. If you’ve talked to your partner about money and how you’d prefer to split things equally but nothing changes, it shows that your partner might be using you. Take steps to end the relationship so you can find someone who loves you for who you are.^{[12]
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Section 3 of 3:

Is it shallow to break up with a man because he’s financially unstable?

No, many people find that money issues are a deal breaker. It’s okay if a guy’s money problems give you pause. If he’s not financially stable and he shows no signs of changing his habits, take that into account when you’re deciding whether or not to pursue a serious relationship with him. Money problems are one of the biggest things that couples fight about, and it’s totally valid if you want to avoid that stress in the future.^{[13]
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- However, if the guy you’re seeing knows he has money issues and has a plan to fix them, then it might not be as big of a deal in the relationship.