How to Date when You're over 40

Present the best of you possible. Skip the doughnut,^[2] go to the gym,^[3] get your hair done.  Some may say that they really don't want anyone who judges them by their looks, however, appearance is what attracts a potential mate to you, be it male or female. It doesn't hurt to increase your odds, especially as the odds are against us in this age range.

Boost your self-esteem. If you don't believe in yourself, how can anyone else? And if having self-esteem is not your forte, then try being positive. If you smile and try to be an optimist, others will be attracted to you as you make them feel good. Feel free to give out compliments.^[4]  Others will return the favor and you should see your own self-esteem skyrocket as well.^[5]

Go where the opposite sex hang out in your age range. 

• For example, if you are female, the chances of you finding a man over 40 when you go out with your daughter to a baby supply store are slim to nil, whereas the chances of you meeting a male over forty increase considerably when you go with your son to a sporting goods store to buy him a hunting rifle.  The same can be said of where you choose to eat out for lunch. A better option would be a pub instead of a French restaurant. It would be useful to think, "What interests men? That is where I will find them." 
• The same goes for men over forty seeking women. Don't expect to find many quality women over forty at the local bar. Though it can happen, it is unlikely. Your best bet would be again to think of what interests most women in their forties have. For example, some enjoy book clubs, others enjoy shopping at department stores.  It would be in your best interest to find something compatible with your own interests.  If you've always wanted to try scuba diving and notice the sign-up sheet has many female names listed, this might be the time to try that hobby.

Check out the Internet. Online dating is another option. Of course, no matter how attractive you look at forty, it won't do you any good unless you leave your house to date.  When using online dating services it's important to put safety first , just as you would in any dating situation. After this, choose a site that best meets what you want in a potential mate.^[6]   While a site that caters to "rednecks" might not fit your style, neither so might a "sugar daddy" site. 

• Check the site out. Before you even put your photo up for inspection, it would be a good idea to check out the profiles of the opposite sex on the site. Does this site meet with your idea of dating? Do people seem to quick to sleep together or do they seem to fast to marry? 
• Choose a site that meets your comfort level. You may have to pay a monthly fee to get the quality of site that interests you.^[7]  
• Get to know people. Talk a lot. Don't give out personal information, but do get to know the likes, hobbies, interests and other determiners of compatibility. When you do feel comfortable meeting, again follow the safety rules and meet in a public place.^[8]  
• It would be wise not to sleep with your date at the first meeting if you would like to continue the relationship. What your mother told you is usually true. Respect comes with time. And time spent online does not count in this instance.

Don't rush the process. Just as there is no reason to sleep with the opposite sex on the first date, there is also no reason to push or be clingy as well. Know that this relationship might work out for the two of you, but know also that at the initial stages, it could go either way. Keep your options open to other potential mates until both of you feel that you are ready to move into a monogamous relationship. Your best bet would be to call, but not too frequently or for too long at this stage of the game.

• Texting seems too intrusive at this stage of the game. You may want to hold off on this until in a committed relationship. Wanting to know where your date is every minute of the day can push them away from you instead of closer, until you are ready to commit.

Move forward. If it works out, great! If not, try not to repeat the same mistakes you made, if any at all. If you spoke too much of your deceased grandmother, for instance, during a dinner date, you may want to speak of a less morose topic with your next prospect. Also, potential partners will usually tell you if they are interested in finding "the one", having another child or merging finances. If none of this is for you, your best bet is to move on as quickly as possible. To say you want something that you don't really is just wasting not only your time but that of your date. 

• If you have children, the first date or first many dates is not the time to introduce them. It is wise to wait until you feel that the relationship could move into something committed. Your children (even grown ones) may not like your new partner or vice versa. You want to make certain that you have a good foundation laid before you introduce their opinions on the one in which you have fallen in love.