How to Date the Same Person After You Share an Abortion

This process may be simple, or it may be long and complicated, depending on your and your partner's feelings on abortion.

1. 

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   1
   Make sure the partner who had the abortion is adequately cared for. Doctor's orders must be followed, and the person needs to rest and take it easy for a while. If your partner is the one who underwent the procedure, try to be available for snuggling, helping with cramps or pain management, and love and support.

   • The person who had an abortion may need 1-2 days to recover.^[1]
   • "Abortion trauma" is not supported by data, and most people who get abortions feel positively about it in the long run.^[2]
2. 

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   2
   Avoid misinformation. "Crisis pregnancy centers" and other anti-abortion groups may exaggerate the harms of abortion, or feed you false information, to manipulate people away from abortions. Look for pro-choice websites that seek to inform (not to scare off), and focus on factual information about caring for yourself and/or your partner.

   • Find fact-based resources such as Planned Parenthood and Scarleteen.
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3. 

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   3
   Take time to process your own feelings. Some people struggle to deal with abortion, while others are okay with it. You might feel relieved, sad, disappointed, awkward, or nothing in particular. If you're dealing with difficult emotions, take time to work through them.

   • Consider calling the Exhale hotline if you need someone to talk to.
4. 

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   4
   Help your partner with their own feelings, if they're struggling. Some people view abortion as a simple medical procedure, others view it as the loss of an important life, and there are all sorts of possibilities in between. Take time to listen to and honor your partner's feelings, whatever they may be.

   • Ask "How are you feeling about this?"
   • Validate their feelings and show that you care.
   • If you don't feel able to emotionally support your partner right now, encourage them to reach out to family members or other close loved ones to talk.
5. 

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   5
   Take measures to help prevent future abortions. Talk with your partner about contraceptives. Abortion is a difficult procedure that can be costly, so it's best to avoid conceiving an unwanted fetus in the first place. Research and discuss your options, and find what's best for the two of you.

   • There are many options to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.^[3]
   • It can be helpful to use more than one method at once (e.g. both birth control pills and condoms) in case one of them fails.
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