How to Cope with the Loss of Your Mother

Losing your mother can be one of the hardest things you’ll go through in your life. While you may never fully move on, you may find that there are certain things you can do to help you cope. In the wake of your mother’s death, try to allow yourself to grieve while accepting help from those that want to support you. This will help you heal, and over time, allow you to move forward with your life.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Grieving Your Loss

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    Acknowledge and accept whatever feelings may arise. It may be tempting to try to bury your emotions, especially if they make you feel sad, guilty, or uncomfortable. However, doing so may only prolong your grieving period. Instead, try to allow yourself to feel what you naturally feel and, whenever possible, express your feelings so you can process them and move forward over time.[1] [2]
    • People react to the death of their mom in a number of ways, none of which are right or wrong. Whether you feel sad, angry, frustrated, or exhausted, try to accept your feelings and understand that they are valid.
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    Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship with your mother. While losing your mom is painful in any circumstance, it can be particularly confusing if you had a tenuous or complicated relationship with her. While it’s important to explore any unresolved feelings you may have about your relationship, in the wake of her death, it may be helpful to try to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship so you’re able to celebrate her life.[3]
    • Remembering the good things about your relationship can help you acknowledge the array of emotions you may feel, rather than focusing solely on your negative emotions, such as anger or guilt.
    • For example, if your mom made a point to volunteer as often as she could, try to focus on remembering her selflessness and generosity rather than concentrating on any unresolved issues you may have had.
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    Rely on your faith if you’re religious. If you have a strong connection to your faith, praying, meditating, or going to church may help you grieve the loss of your mother. Regardless of what your religion is or how you worship, relying on your beliefs and religious practices may help you process your grief and find comfort in the wake of your mother’s death.[4]
    • In addition, it may be helpful for you to confide in a religious figure, such as a priest, bible study leader, or fellow believer.
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    Use a creative outlet to express and process your grief. After losing your mom, it can be difficult to talk about your grief and make others understand what you’re going through. Expressing your emotions through a creative outlet may help you process your feelings without having to talk about them out loud.[5]
    • For example, writing in a journal, creating a scrapbook, or painting can give you the opportunity to let some of your feelings out on your own terms.
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    Celebrate your mother’s life with a good deed. When you’re trying to cope with the loss of your mom, doing a good deed in her name could help ease your pain by channeling it into something positive. Planting a garden in her name, donating to a charity, or volunteering with an organization your mom was involved with can give your mom a lasting legacy while helping you celebrate and perpetuate the positive contributions she made to the world.[6]
    • To make your contribution particularly meaningful, you may want to choose something that was directly relevant to your mom’s life. For example, if your mom battled breast cancer, participating in a fundraising race can help you celebrate your mom and, perhaps, feel more connected to her.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Getting Support

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    Let others help you when they offer. After losing your mother, you may feel like it’s easier to take care of everything on your own. While staying busy can help you deal with your grief, it’s also important to allow other people to help you get through the process. Whether it’s help with funeral arrangements, finances, or packing up your mom’s belongings, letting other people support you can give you the strength you need at such a difficult time.[7]
    • Remember, those that love you and your mom are probably grieving too. Helping you will not only allow you to cope, but will give them a way to deal with their grief as well.
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    Talk about the death of your mother with friends and family. When you lose your mom, it may be tempting to withdraw from other people while you’re grieving. While it can be difficult to open up to others, doing so will help them understand how you’re feeling so they’ll know how to support you.[8]
    • Suppressing your feelings and keeping your emotions to yourself may actually prolong your grieving process. Thus, even if you typically have a hard time opening up, try to trust that your friends and family are there to support you and listen.
    • If you have any siblings, for example, you may find it to be particularly helpful to talk to them about what you’re going through. Since they lost their mom as well, it’s likely that they’ll relate to some of what you’re feeling.
    • While it’s important that let yourself lean on your loved ones during this difficult time, try to understand that, at least initially, they may struggle to figure out what to say and how to support you. The more you open up, the better your loved ones will be able to help you cope.[9]
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    Join a support group to help you feel less alone. Grieving the loss of your mother can make you feel alone, even when you have friends and family around. Joining a support group can give you the opportunity to connect with other people who have experienced similar losses and learn what has helped them cope.[10]
    • Talking to other people who have lost their mothers can also make you feel less alone in your grief.
    • To find a support group, try doing an online search for groups in your area. You can also search for meetings in your area with a nationwide grief organization, such as https://www.griefshare.org/findagroup.
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    Seek professional help from a grief counselor. If you feel like the grief over losing your mother is overwhelming and too much for you to bear, even with the help of friends and family, it may be helpful for you to talk to a professional. Grief counselors are specifically trained to help people work through their emotions after a traumatic loss, such as losing a parent. Your grief counselor will likely be able to help you identify what is prolonging your grief and help you figure out ways to move forward.[11]
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Moving Forward After Losing Your Mother

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    Take care of your physical health to give you the strength to cope. Grief can impact both your emotional and physical well-being in a variety of ways. When you’re taking care of yourself physically, you’ll have more strength to cope with your grief emotionally. Therefore, it’s important that you try to maintain a healthy diet, exercise as regularly as you can, and get plenty of sleep so you’ll be strong enough to get through each day.[12]
    • Staying hydrated will also enable your body to physically handle the emotion and mental challenges of coping with the loss of your mom.[13]
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    Keep up with your favorite hobbies and activities. While it’s important to allow yourself time to acknowledge and process your grief, it’s also important to give yourself permission to continue doing things you enjoy. Keeping up with your favorite hobbies and activities can help you feel grounded throughout the grieving process and remind you that you still have a lot of joy in your life.[14]
    • Although it may feel strange to go about normal activities or to enjoy yourself when you’re still in pain, continuing to do things you enjoy will likely bring you comfort over time.
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    Identify your grief triggers so you can anticipate them. After losing your mom, anniversaries, holidays, certain songs, or places can cause your grief to resurface in full force. Rather than trying to avoid these emotional triggers, try to take note of them and assess what you’re able to do to assuage your grief. That way, you’ll be able to anticipate what triggers your grief and be prepared to deal with it when it happens.[15]
    • While it’s important that you’re aware of your triggers, you don’t need to always avoid them altogether. For example, instead of trying to ignore the fact that Mother’s Day is coming up, plan to do some of your favorite activities throughout the day, or make a plan with friends to do something your mother enjoyed.
    • If you know that a particular song reminds you of your mom and makes you emotional, for example, try letting a friend know and ask if it’s ok if you call them whenever the song comes on. That way, your friend will be able to support you and help you cope after your grief has been triggered.
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    Create new traditions that you can look forward to. While you certainly won’t want to forget the special traditions you shared with your mom, it can be helpful to create new traditions to celebrate special or meaningful moments. This will help you turn potential triggers into times when you can remember and celebrate your mom while still enjoying and moving forward with your life.[16]
    • For example, if you and your mom always went ice skating on Christmas Eve when you were growing up, try starting this tradition with a special child in your life, such as your child, godchild, or niece or nephew. This will allow you to feel connected to your mom while creating a new tradition with someone you care about.
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References

  1. ↑ William Gardner, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 25 July 2019.
  2. ↑ https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/grief
  3. ↑ https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/grief
  4. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
  5. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
  6. ↑ https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/grief
  7. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
  8. ↑ https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/grief
  9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
  1. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
  2. ↑ https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/grief
  3. ↑ https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/grief
  4. ↑ https://healthfully.com/steps-to-grieve-the-loss-of-a-mom-5658329.html
  5. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
  6. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
  7. ↑ https://www.psycom.net/coping-with-the-loss-of-a-mother

About This Article

William Gardner, PsyD
Co-authored by:
William Gardner, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
This article was co-authored by William Gardner, PsyD. William Gardner, Psy.D. is a Clinical Psychologist in private practice located in San Francisco, CA’s financial district. With over 10 years of clinical experience, Dr. Gardner provides individually tailored psychotherapy for adults using cognitive behavioral techniques, to reduce symptoms and improve overall functioning. Dr. Gardner earned his PsyD from Stanford University in 2009, specializing in evidence-based practices. He then completed a post-doc fellowship at Kaiser Permanente. This article has been viewed 10,259 times.
9 votes - 78%
Co-authors: 4
Updated: September 15, 2021
Views: 10,259
Categories: Grief
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