Can a Girl Get Her Feelings Back for You? How to Win Your Ex Back

Written by Lisa Shield | Edited by Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: May 21, 2022 References

You’re in love, but it seems like she’s lost her feelings for you. You’re probably feeling really upset right now, but it’s not too late to save your relationship. We’re here to help you figure out where you stand so you can win back her heart. Keep reading to learn everything you can do to get your ex back, even if she’s lost feelings for you.

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating and life coach, Lisa Shield. Check out the full interview here.

Section 1 of 2:

Can a girl get her feelings back for you?

Yes, definitely, but it depends on the situation. Sometimes couples break up and get back together. At the same time, it’s possible you’re just not right for each other. Focus on winning her back and see where things go from there.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 11 March 2021.}
- Don’t despair if things don’t work out. If you’re meant to be together, it’ll work out. Otherwise, there’s someone much better for you out there waiting for you to find them.
- Sometimes people drift apart only to come back together. You may have to put extra effort into your relationship, but it’ll be worth it if she falls back in love. The key to your success is figuring out the problems in your relationship so you can make things better.^{[2]
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  Expert Source
  
  Lisa Shield
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 March 2021.}
- Unfortunately, it’s possible she’s moved on. If she’s avoiding you, dating someone else, or acting cold or distant when you’re around, it could mean she's not interested in getting back together.

Section 2 of 2:

How to Win a Girl Back

1
Initiate contact with a simple “Hi, how have you been?” Slide back into her inbox with a casual question. You might even get her attention by mentioning something you know about her.^{[3]
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Research source} You could say something like:
- “Hey! I just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking about you. Anything exciting going on?”
- “Last night I watched the first Harry Potter and remembered it’s your favorite movie. Do you still watch it every Halloween?”
- “I really miss you and your memes. Got anything funny to share?”
- “I keep hearing songs by Billie Eilish, and they make me think of you. Are you still her superfan?”
2
Apologize genuinely if you’ve made a mistake. Start by acknowledging what you did wrong. Then, tell her you’re sorry for what you did, and promise to do better in the future.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.} You could say:
- “I know it was wrong for me to flirt with someone else. I never meant to hurt you, but I did. I’m so sorry for what happened, and I promise I’ll never do that again.”
- “I realize that my teasing you was really unkind. I thought I was being funny, but I can see that I really hurt you. I apologize for how I made you feel. In the future, I promise to be kinder.”
3
Remind her of happy memories so she feels nostalgic. Send her photos of you together so she remembers the good times. Additionally, text her photos of things that remind you of her, like the café where you had your first date. You could also ask her if she remembers things you did together.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Try this:
- Text her a photo of you two on a fun date. Say, “Remember how much fun this was?”
- Send her a photo of a gift she gave you. Text, “I still use this every day.”
- Snap a pic of the place where you shared your first kiss. Say, “I always think of you when I’m here.”
- Text her a memory. Write, “I still can’t believe we won that duet contest. Do you remember the look on our friends’ faces?”
4
Give her sincere compliments to show her you’re still into her. Be specific about what you like about her so she knows the compliment is genuine. Pepper compliments into your communication so she starts to feel valued.^{[6]
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Research source} You might say:
- “That shirt looks amazing on you.”
- “Your painting looks phenomenal.”
- “You were always such a great cook.”
- “This hairstyle is perfect on you.”
5
Maintain daily contact if she’s open to it. Staying in communication will keep you on her mind and will show her that you still care about her. Do your best to keep at least one stream of communication open, such as texting or commenting on her social media posts. It’s even better if you can maintain two or more methods of communication.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.}
- Texting and exchanging messages on social media are your best bet.
- You can also stay in contact through shared apps. For instance, you might play a game, such as Words with Friends, together.
6
Be the person she fell in love with. Start by spending time reconnecting with yourself. If you’re like most people, you lost touch with some hobbies and interests from your single life while you were in a relationship. Going back to who you were before might make her realize why she fell for you in the first place.^{[8]
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Research source}
- Look through your old photos and social media posts to see what you were like.
- Spend more time with your friends having fun like old times.
7
Make romantic gestures. Reignite the fire between you by doing something sweet. Hopefully, this will remind her of the early phases in your relationship when she was falling in love.^{[9]
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Research source} You could try:
- Giving her a small gift, such as chocolates or a rose.
- Making her something special, like heart-shaped cookies.
- Sending her a card.
- Writing her a love letter.
- Making her a playlist of songs you enjoyed together.
8
Tell her how you feel about her. It’s scary to open up to someone, but it’s the only way to get her back. Acknowledge what she’s feeling, and explain that you think your relationship can get better. Be honest about wanting her back so she knows where you stand.^{[10]
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Research source} Say something like:
- “When you broke up with me, it really broke my heart. I still think about you every day. I know our relationship wasn’t perfect, and I’ve learned a lot since then. I hope you can give me another chance.”
- “I know I really hurt you, and I understand why you’re upset. I feel like I’m a different person now, and I really think I can be a great partner for you. I want us to try again.”
9
Show her you’ve changed. Take what you’ve learned from your talks and put it into action. You’ll probably have some missteps, and that’s okay. Just do your best to be a better partner than you were last time.^{[11]
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Research source} Here are some ways you might change:
- If she wanted more attention, you might text her throughout the day and schedule regular date nights.
- If she thought you flirted too much, you could make a conscious effort to stop flirting.
- If you had a lot of heated arguments, you might set some ground rules with her about how to fight fair, like taking time to calm down, avoiding name calling, and listening to each other.
10
Ask her out on a date to rekindle your romance. Treat this date just like any first date so there’s no pressure. She may not be ready to go back to how things were before, and that’s okay. Just focus on building a connection, and a new relationship can grow from there.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Say something like:
- “Remember how much fun we used to have at mini golf? Wanna go this Saturday?”
- “I’m thinking about getting pizza this Friday night. I’m hoping you’ll go with me.”
- “I’m signing up for an improv class at the community theater. It sounds like a lot of fun, and I was hoping you’d do it with me.”
- “Remember our picnic on the beach? I was thinking about recreating it this Saturday. Would you be up for that?”
11
Talk about what went wrong last time. You’ll likely need to resolve any issues that drove you apart. Otherwise, the same things that came between you the first time will break you up again. Fortunately, fixing your problems doesn’t have to be hard. Start by talking about how you both feel so you know what you need to change.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 11 March 2021.} Say something like:
- “I made some mistakes last time, but I want things to be better. Can we talk about what you want in a relationship?”
- “I really want things to work out this time. What do you think was the biggest problem in our relationship?”
12
Give her space if she asks for it. Allowing her space won’t make you lose her. In fact, it might help strengthen your relationship. Space gives you both time to calm down and reflect on your relationship. Additionally, it helps you both maintain healthy independence from each other.^{[14]
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Research source}
- You don’t have to feel lonely while giving someone space. While you’re giving her space, spend time with friends or family so you feel supported.
- You might also engage in your favorite hobbies.

Warnings

It may be better to focus on your future if she’s already dating someone else. It’s painful to let her go, but there’s someone so much better for you.^{[15]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.}

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