How to Be a Gentleman Towards Girls

Co-authored by Laura Bilotta and Janice Tieperman

Last Updated: February 10, 2022

Is there a certain girl you’d like to win over, or are you just hoping to have better luck with the ladies? In any case, learning how to be a gentleman is a great first step. You’ve come to the right place—we’ve put together plenty of day-to-day tricks and conversational tips to help you out. Keep reading to learn how a gentleman treats a woman, as well as how to be a gentleman to your girlfriend.

1

Make eye contact.

Show her that you care about what she has to say. Let’s say you’re chatting with someone, but they’re constantly glancing around and checking their phone. You’d feel like they didn’t care about what you had to say, right? The same logic applies when you’re talking with a girl (or anyone, for that matter!). Eye contact shows that you’re paying close attention and that you care about what she’s talking about.
- As a good rule of thumb, make eye contact 4-5 seconds at a time for about 70% of your conversation. That way, it won’t seem like you’re staring at her.^{[1]
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2

Speak politely and respectfully to talk like a gentleman.

Cursing won’t help you make a good impression on her. Keep your day-to-day vocab as clean as possible, even if she tends to cuss a lot. Good manners are also really important—“please” and “thank you” mean a lot more than you may think!

3

Strike up a conversation with questions instead of pick-up lines.

Authentic questions are a great way to greet a woman like a gentleman. One-liners like “How much did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” will only earn you an eye-roll, not a genuine conversation. Instead, focus on getting to know her with genuine, creative questions. You could ask:
- “Would you rather live in the mountains or on the beach?”
- “What’s your absolute favorite place in the whole world?”
- “If you could instantly master something, what would it be?”

4

Offer a genuine compliment.

Gentlemen appreciate what’s beneath the surface. Superficial comments feel… well, superficial. Complimenting a girl on her hair or outfit is nice, but it might come off the wrong way. Instead, say something that isn’t related to her looks, like:
- “You did such a great job with that presentation.”
- “You have such a nice laugh.”
- “You’re such a kind person.”

5

Listen to what she says.

Active listening skills really set a gentleman apart from other guys. Repeat what she says in your own words, so you know that you’re on the same page. If she’s having a pretty rough day, say something validating to show that you understand, rather than giving unsolicited advice. Ask some questions, too, to prove that you’re really paying attention.^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
Greater Good in Action
An initiative by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center promoting science-based practices for a meaningful life
Go to source} You might say:
- “If I understand you right, you’re worried about Friday’s math exam because you have soccer practice all week.”
- “Wow, it’s super frustrating that your friend would say that to you.”
- “When you say ‘your friend from history class,’ do you mean Jamie?”

6

Give her plenty of opportunities to talk.

This proves that you value her opinions and thoughts. Always let her finish what she has to say and don’t interrupt her, even if you have something great to add. Nobody enjoys talking to someone who doesn’t let them get a word in.^{[3]
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- Waiting your turn to speak also helps you look a lot more trusting and reliable.

7

Mention details from an old conversation.

Referencing a previous convo shows that you care about her. Does her pet bulldog have an upcoming trip to the vet, or is she cramming for a bio test on Thursday? Remembering the little things about her life shows how caring and considerate you are, and that you really listen to what she has to say.^{[4]
X
Research source} You might ask:
- “How did Buddy’s vet appointment go the other day?”
- “Did you survive that test? When do you get your scores back?”
- “I remember you mentioning that you liked the Red Sox, so I figured you’d find this article interesting.”

8

Be humble.

Humility is a far more attractive quality than arrogance. No one wants to spend time around someone who’s always tooting their own horn. There’s nothing wrong with being proud of your achievements and accomplishments, but try to talk with her about them in a down-to-earth way.
- Instead of bragging about a goal you scored during a hockey game, credit the victory to the entire team.
- Instead of showing off the grade you got on a group project, compliment your team members who also contributed.

9

Respond with an open mind.

Real gentlemen don’t always have to be right. Try to look at things from her perspective, and see if you can find some common ground. At the end of the day, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Even if you don’t agree with her, you might say:
- “Wow, I never thought of it like that!”
- “That’s a really good point.”
- “I can definitely see where you’re coming from.”

10

Steer clear of hot topics.

You don’t want to accidentally offend her during your conversation. Don’t bring up politics, religion, or any other potentially controversial topics. Instead, chat about fun, light-hearted topics that definitely won’t ruffle any feathers. You might talk about:
- Her favorite vacation spots
- Whether Coke or Pepsi is the superior soda
- Her favorite sports teams
- The tastiest ice cream flavor

11

Return her calls and texts in a timely manner.

It’s not very polite to keep her waiting. This doesn’t mean that you have to get back to her within 10 seconds, but it’s not a good idea to wait hours or days to hit the “call” or “send” button. Prompt replies not only show that you’re interested, but that you also value her time.

12

Keep your texts clean and polite.

Crude messages and pictures definitely won’t make a good impression. Stick to light-hearted jokes and funny memes as you break the ice. Dirty jokes—or worse, dirty pictures—won’t paint you in a very positive light. Sending clean texts is a great way to show how much you respect her.

13

Arrive on schedule.

Punctuality shows that you value her time. No girl wants to wait for 15, 20, or even 30 minutes for a guy to show up for something. Always do your best to be on time, or even early, if you can. If you do end up running rate, be sure to shoot her a text and let her know what’s going on.

14

Look your best.

A shower, a comb, and a sharp outfit can make a big difference. Don’t worry—being a gentleman doesn’t mean breaking the bank on designer clothes and cologne! A simple, clean-cut outfit is more than enough to help you make a good impression, and it’ll definitely distinguish you from other guys who don’t put as much thought and care into how they look.
- Go the extra mile by swishing some mouthwash before heading out for the day.

15

Focus on her throughout the date.

No woman wants to play second fiddle to your calls and texts. Keep your phone on vibrate or silent when you spend time with her. Leave any calls, texts, and other notifications alone until your date is over. Constantly texting or using your phone during your get-together will only paint you in a negative light.

16

Make sure she gets home safely after a date.

A quick text really shows how much you care. As you part ways, estimate how long it’ll take her to make it back home after her date. Then, shoot her a quick “Make it home okay?” or “Hope you made it home safe!” text after that amount of time has passed.
- You can also ask her to text you when she gets home.

17

Walk her to the door if you take her home.

This date night gesture shows that you really care about her. Chances are, you and her won’t run into any trouble when you head up to her front door. Still, sticking around shows that you care about her safety and wellbeing, which really means a lot.

18

Hold the door for her.

Chivalry is a great way to flirt like a gentleman. Maybe you’re both walking into school at the same time, or you happen to be heading into the same coffee shop. Whatever the case, holding the door open for her helps you make a great impression, and shows that you don’t mind putting other people’s needs above your own.^{[5]
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19

Offer her your coat or jacket.

Make a good impression when the weather gets chilly. Stuck outside waiting for the bus? Offer her your hoodie, jacket, or whatever extra layer you’re wearing at the time—just make sure it’s clean first! Fewer things are more gentlemanly than literally offering her the shirt off your back.
- You don’t have to turn your gesture into a pick-up line or anything. Just say something like, “Wow, it sure is a cold one. Wanna borrow my jacket?”

20

Pull out her chair before she sits down.

This chivalrous move makes a big impact on a date. If you’re heading to a restaurant or even just a cafe, pull out her chair before she starts to sit down. She’ll appreciate your thoughtfulness and willingness to put other people first.

21

Offer to carry her heavy things.

This simple act carries a lot of weight. Maybe you spot a girl struggling with her bag, or you see someone juggling a lot of textbooks and notebooks. Jump to her aid and see if you can take an item or 2 off her hands.
- Remember: being a true gentleman isn’t just about helping a lady in need—it’s about being kind, generous, and thoughtful to anyone who needs help, regardless of their age or gender.

22

Stand closer to the curb when you walk outside.

This makes you a physical shield between her and the street. Sure, you’re probably not going to run into any crazy drivers while you’re walking down the sidewalk together, but it’s the thought that counts. If nothing else, this gesture shows that you value her safety over your own—it doesn’t get much more gentlemanly than that!

Community Q&A

Question

What if you don't have formal clothes?

wikiHow Staff Editor
Staff Answer
This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

That's totally fine! You don't need to dress in a fancy suit or tux when you're meeting up with a girl—a casual outfit that's clean-cut and nice-looking will get the job done.
Question

Why do men have to be nice to women? Why can't it be the other way around?

wikiHow Staff Editor
Staff Answer
This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

Ideally, everyone should be nice to one another, regardless of gender. At the end of the day, though, acting like a gentleman is all about being respectful and courteous to other people, even if they don't treat you politely in return.
Question

What do I do if a girl doesn't like me?

wikiHow Staff Editor
Staff Answer
This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

It's really tough when the girl you like doesn't feel the same way. Try not to let it get you down, though. You deserve someone who really cares about and appreciates you; it may take some time, but you'll find that girl eventually!

Warnings

There’s a big difference between being a gentleman and a simp. Too many compliments, too much praise, and too much availability can give the wrong impression. For instance, if a girl asks you for a favor, don’t feel like you have to drop whatever you’re doing to immediately help her out; instead, put your own needs and priorities first.

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