How to Be Popular in Middle School

Co-authored by Jessica George, MA, CHt

Last Updated: February 21, 2023 Approved

Middle school can be a tough time for everyone, since they're dealing with their changing bodies and emotions as well as worrying about what people really think about them. But have no fear if you want to be popular in middle school, all you have to do is get noticed, be social, and be the best you there is while staying true to yourself.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Getting Noticed

1
Put yourself out there. One of the largest keys to being popular is to make people notice you and want to be around you. In order to do that, you have to put yourself out there. If you're always walking around the halls by yourself, dreading your next class, or frowning all the way through gym class, you won’t make a good impression and people will think that it’s a drag to be around you. The secret to making people want to be around you is to let them see you laughing and having a great time so they want to spend time with you too.^{[1]
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- When you’re hanging out with friends, make an extra effort and smile and have fun so people know you enjoy your time in school.
- Even when you're alone in the halls, smile at people and give off a positive vibe so that people want to get to know you. A smile invites people in and lets them know that they're free to walk past without having to engage in conversation.
2
Stand out – for a good reason. Showing up to school in only your bathing suit will certainly make you stand out, but that may not be the kind of attention you want. To stand out in a good way, you have to let people know who you are and think positively of you when your name does come up. Here are some ways to get noticed:
- You could be the guy who is always spotted with a guitar – and who actually knows how to play it.
- You could have a really great laugh that people can hear from anywhere in the building.
- You could stand out for your knockout sense of fashion. You could also rock a unique style, like looking like a hipster chick or a rocker guy, so that everyone knows who you are.
- Maybe you have a really low, throaty voice that sounds completely unique. Whatever your quirks are, don't try to hide them. Remember that you want to be noticed for what makes you special.
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3
Join a team. Joining a team and playing a sport is not only a great way to get some exercise and feel happier, but it’s also an excellent way to meet new people and make yourself known. You don’t have to be the star of your soccer team to play the sport, just have fun and get a great workout after school. Whether your school has a team or you’re playing an intramural league, make an effort to play at least one sport so you’ll be more likely to meet a variety of interesting people.
- You may not end up liking the sport or sticking to it. But if you spend at least a year of middle school pursuing a sport, you’ll be more likely to make friends and open up your social circle.
- Playing a sport also teaches you teamwork and how to deal with a variety of different talents and personalities, which can also help you manage people in your daily life and gain the skills that can help you become more popular.
4
Join clubs. Joining clubs will also help you meet people, put yourself out there, and become a more interesting person as you pursue your interests. Pick something you really care about, like debate, French, Model UN, or a variety of other subjects, and stick to it. Become a leader in the club and use your position to improve the club and to get to know a wide variety of people.
- Don’t think it’s uncool or nerdy to join a club. You’re just getting a leg up on the people who will be joining clubs in high school when they realize it is cool to be involved.
- Joining a club and playing a sport, if you have time for it, will be a great way to meet an even larger variety of people. You may not meet the same people in clubs that you’ll meet on your sports team.
5
Have diverse interests. The more things you do, the more people you know. And the more people you know, the more likely you are to get noticed and for people not to have a blank look on their faces when your name comes up. You should play soccer, be in the drama club, and be a student aide in the library – do whatever you find interesting and use your position to meet new people.
- If you only pursue one interest, you’ll only be surrounded by one type of person. The key to truly being popular is being able to please a variety of different people.
6
Speak up in class. You may think it’s not cool to participate or even talk at all in class, and that you’re better off hanging out in the back of the room, looking like you have something better to do. Instead, you should participate in class, and do your homework so you actually look like you know what you’re talking about. You don’t have to be the teacher’s pet or anything, but you should talk enough so that all of the students in the class know who you are and like what you’re saying.
- Make sure you don’t come off like a know-it-all when you speak. Be respectful and open-minded when you answer the teacher.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Making Lots of Friends

1
Be friendly – to everyone. If you want to be popular, then you have to work on being social, even if you’re on the shy side. You don’t have to give yourself a personality makeover to learn to be friendly to everyone, even if you don’t think that person can help your social status. The worst thing you can be is a social climber who has a reputation for only talking to the people who will make him look more popular. Instead, take the time to be friendly to anyone who comes in your path – it’ll pay off later.
- Any time you see someone you know and they don't seem busy, say hi and give that person a big smile or a wave. You don’t have to have a ton in common to be nice to someone.
- It’s not cool to be a jerk to someone like the girls on “Mean Girls.” That look may work in a movie, but you’ll get burned long-term if you have a nasty attitude.
- Treat people with kindness and respect. Be nice to people and do them favors “just because,” not because you think it’ll make them invite you to their birthday parties.
2
Show an interest in people. If you really want to be popular, then you have to show that you actually care about people, beyond whether or not they like you. You should show an interest in people by taking the time to be friendly, to ask your friends and acquaintances how they’re doing, and to ask them about their interests, families, and goals outside of school.
- When you’re talking to people, make sure you ask questions like, “Are you having a good day?” or “Do you have any fun plans for this weekend?” so they know that you actually care about what goes on in their lives.
- Work on listening just as much as you talk. If you spend all of your time talking about yourself and all of the cool things you’ve been up to, people will quickly lose interest.
- You should also ask people their opinions on a variety of subjects, from the cookies in the school cafeteria to which club you should join. Asking for an opinion shows that you care and value their opinion.
- Don't be afraid to have deep conversations, too! If someone's having a rough day, offer them a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.
3
Try to make friends in different groups. If you really want to be popular in middle school, then you should be able to make friends with not only the popular kids, but all of the rest of the kids in the school. If you only talk to the same eight people because you think that makes you cool, then you’ll be in trouble in high school, when your new school will be flooded with new people and you barely know a handful of them. Work on being friends with everyone – to the nice girl in your homeroom to the boy whose locker is next to yours.
- You don’t have to be best friends with everyone, but you should seek out the people who interest you and who can teach you something without being too obvious about it.
4
Master small talk. There’s nothing small about small talk. Being a master of small talk can help you talk to people and make them feel comfortable before you have a more deep or more fun conversation. To make small talk, just go up to a person, say hi, and start talking about how your days are going. Asking small questions can help lead to a bigger conversation and can make people open up to you. Here are some things you can say if you’re making small talk:
- “Did you see World War Z? I thought it was nuts – what did you think?”
- “Can you believe how hard that Algebra test was? I spent all weekend studying and still didn’t get half the questions right. How about you – did you do anything more fun than that this weekend?”
- “How was your big game? I’m sorry I missed it.”
- Make sure to ask questions that can’t just be answered with a simple “yes” or “no,” but which give the person room to elaborate. If they can answer the question in one word, it might stop right there and you'll be left wondering what to say.
5
Make people laugh. Making people laugh is a key part of being social and of making yourself more popular. If you feel comfortable being the class clown, go for it. If you’d rather impress people with your sharp wit, that’s great too. And if you’re great at teasing people and making them crack up, then that can be your thing. Don’t force humor on people, but work on maximizing your strengths when it comes to making people laugh.
- Notice when people laugh the most when you talk to them. Make a mental note of what you did to make them laugh and try something similar again later.
6
Learn to laugh at yourself. Learning to laugh at yourself is an important part of being a fun and social human being and of being more popular. People think that the popular kids think they’re perfect and that they can do no wrong, but it will actually be refreshing if people think that you’re cool without taking yourself too seriously. You don’t have to put yourself down or be insecure to learn to laugh at yourself, but you should joke around about your weaknesses and worries to show people that you’re comfortable with who you are.
- Nobody’s perfect. If people see that you can poke fun at yourself during an ordinary conversation, they’ll appreciate you even more.
- If you can’t laugh at yourself and are so sensitive that you can’t even take jokes when other people tease you, then people will assume that you’re no fun. And no one wants to be friends with a dud.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Being Your Best You

1
Put a little effort into your appearance. You don’t have to be a girl who layers on the makeup or a guy who wears the trendiest shoes or pair of jeans just to be popular and get attention. But you should pay attention to your looks so that your clothes and body are clean, that your face isn't oily, and that people get a positive impression just by looking at you. You'll feel better about yourself if you know you look good, too.
- Girls shouldn't wear makeup just because that’s what their friends are doing if that’s not really what they want to do. Natural beauty is far more impressive than beauty that's concocted with eye shadow and lip gloss.
2
Be confident. Though you can’t become confident overnight, you can make an effort to become more confident – to be happy with who you are, what you do, and how you look. Work on thinking about your best qualities instead of focusing on your worst attributes, and walk into a room like you’re happy to be there and deserve to be there. You can fake it until you make it. Even if you're not feeling confident, just acting confident will go a long way in making people respect you.^{[2]
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- Have confident body language. Stand tall, keep your shoulders out instead of hunching over, and look straight ahead instead of staring at the floor.
- Make eye contact when you talk to people. This will show them that you’re not afraid of social interaction.
- Don't put yourself down. Being self-deprecating just to get attention or just for something to talk about will make other people think that you don't value yourself.
3
Be original. If you want to get noticed, then you have to be original in some way, whether it’s for your unique look or your unique perspective on life. You don't have to "be weird" or do something that doesn’t make you comfortable to be different. Just embrace your quirks and the thoughts and actions that make you special. People will notice you if you’re committed to being an individual instead of following the pack.
- Don't dress like everyone else just to fit in. Find a style that suits your personality.
- You don’t have to like the same music as everyone else to be popular, either. You'll be more respected if you take the time to find music that you really appreciate and share it with others.
- Don't be afraid to voice your opinion in class even if it doesn't fit in with what everyone else is thinking. Your unique mind will make people notice you.
4
Excel at something. Another way to easily get noticed for being awesome and to feel good about yourself is to excel in something, whether it’s being the most insightful girl in your English class, to being the best goalie your middle school has ever seen. Don't think that it's "not cool" to actually care about something, and instead, embrace the things you love and work hard to excel at them. It'll pay off in the future.
- Being good at something will not only make people notice you, but it will build your character.
- If you immerse yourself in something that you really care about, you'll be less likely to care what people think, and more likely to make new friends in the process.
- Excelling at something will also make you a more dynamic person and more fun to talk to, so people will like you even more if you can talk about something that you love doing – as long as you don't brag.
5
Stop caring what other people think. It may feel nearly impossible to stop caring what people think in middle school, when many people spend the majority of their time talking and gossiping about other people and worrying about how they come off. It’s only natural to care what people think when you're still growing, both physically and emotionally, as a person and don’t yet know quite where you belong.
- If you recognize that you're not the only person who is feeling insecure or wondering what everyone thinks of you, you’ll be much less likely to care.
- Focus on doing the things that make you happy instead of worrying about whether or not people will laugh at you for doing them!
- If you spend your life doing whatever you think will make other people like you more, you'll never be satisfied.
- When you walk into a room, stand tall and proud instead of checking your reflection every two seconds, fidgeting with your clothes, and wondering what people think of your appearance.
- Remember - just because someone is older than you doesn't mean that they have to be nicer. Practicing kindness and compassion at a young age will help to make you a well-respected person by friends and adults alike. In particular, you can always talk to those who are being bullied and help them feel better by including them and being a friend.
6
Realize that this is only middle school. Your popularity doesn't matter to anyone once you reach high school. Actually, people will dislike you the more popular you are from high school on due to the stereotypical actions of "popular people." The fame only lasts until 8th grade, so don't let it bother you. Just be nice and have friends that matter. What's the point of being that person who is so popular but no one likes? It's just middle school, popularity is the easiest of your future conflicts.
- In fact, there's a lot of research out there that says it's the unpopular kids in middle school that are the successful adults. If you don't consider yourself popular, realize that it's only going to get better from here – while the rest of the popular kids you know are already at their peak.^{[3]
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Community Q&A

Question

What if I'm in the super quiet group and we wear uniforms?

Community Answer

Same. You could do some hairstyles like space buns, ponytails, hair clips. You could also ask for the dress code, just to be safe.

Warnings

Don’t give in to peer pressure, especially when it comes to things like taking drugs and drinking alcohol. Someone who forces you to be like them or do things you know you shouldn't do is not your friend.

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Never make anyone feel bad about being who they are. Word will get around fast, and no one wants to hang out with a downer.

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Don't let popularity take over your life. You are who you are, and nothing can change it. Be happy with who you are now, and not obsessed with who you want to be.

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Don't use profanity; people will think you talk trash about others. Stay cool.

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Don't ditch your friends when you want to be popular. Your old friends will be with you forever, as long as you still hang out with them or talk to them every now and then, while your popular friends might not hang out with you anymore.
- If someone is bullying you and just won't stop, tell a parent, the school's dean/guidance or another adult you trust. No one has the right to boss/gossip/physically hurt someone.
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