How to Avoid Being in a Relationship

Co-authored by Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II

Last Updated: March 7, 2023 References

Being in a relationship is a big responsibility. The demands of committing to another person can be draining on your time and emotional energy. Avoiding being in a relationship is a great way to devote time to focusing on yourself and your growth as an individual. If you’re interested in the single life, there are many activities that you can engage in to cultivate yourself, and you always have friends and family to connect with platonically. Even if you don’t want a serious relationship, there are still ways to date casually while avoiding a serious commitment. Just make sure that you also understand your reasons for avoiding a relationship and, if it is due to anxiety, address any underlying anxiety issues.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Keeping it Casual

1
Be honest about your intentions. If you want to date casually, make sure your new fling knows that you’re not looking for anything serious. Being honest about what you want will give you the opportunity to have some fun and date around without hurting anybody’s feelings. It will also eliminate the possibility of getting locked into a relationship that you don’t want.
- Establish whether you want to be exclusive or non-exclusive with somebody you’re dating. It’s best to have this conversation in person so that both people are on the same page.
2
Go out in public places. Going on dates in public places will help you to avoid the sense of intimacy that is often cultivated on a date in somebody’s home or an isolated environment such as an empty beach or park. Instead, try mini-golfing, bowling, dinner at a restaurant, a carnival, or a concert. This will keep things light and casual.

Advertisement
3
Keep friends out of the picture. Don’t introduce somebody you’re dating casually to your friends, and avoid letting yourself getting dragged into your new fling’s friend group. The more intertwined somebody becomes with every aspect of your life, the more you will be seen and thought of as an exclusive couple.^{[1]
X
Research source}
4
Don’t see somebody too often. Space out your dates so that you’re not seeing somebody every night of the week. If you see somebody too often they might get the impression that you’re interested in something more serious. Try to only see somebody once every week or so, and in the meantime take some time for yourself.
- If you are seeing somebody casually and it seems like there is the possibility for something more to develop, keep an open mind. Don’t discount a relationship just on principal.
5
Lock up the inner flirt. Copious flirting will lead people to believe that you’re interested in them. Keep your interactions platonic by not engaging in common flirtatious behavior such as touching the other person, teasing them too coyly, or making prolonged eye contact.^{[2]
X
Research source}
6
Avoid cultivating emotional intimacy. Being in a relationship often involves sharing personal details and having deep conversations with the other person. Of course, do not be rude or uncaring to the other person, but try to focus your relationship on having fun, rather than getting to know each other on a deeper level.
- Keep the topics of conversation light, like common interests, sports, movies, and food.
- If you want to talk about more personal topics with this person, it might be a sign that you want something more than a casual relationship with them.
7
Refuse a relationship. If your partner expresses interest in a relationship with you, tell them that you don't want a relationship. Be clear about your expectations for your current involvement, and be nice if you end up refusing the other person.
- You can say something like, "I'm flattered, and I have a lot of fun with you, but I don't want to be in a relationship right now. I'd like to continue to see you, but I can also accept that that might not be enough for you."

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Cultivating Your Individuality

1
Do things by yourself. People tend to avoid doing things alone because they are self-conscious and fear the judgment of others. Studies have shown, however, that people enjoy activities just as much when alone as when they’re with company. The most important thing is getting out there and doing something new. Go out to dinner, a movie, a show, or a coffee shop by yourself, and let yourself be empowered by your aloneness.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- Research has also shown that we tend to overestimate other people’s interest in our affairs. Generally, we tend not to even notice people who are out and about by themselves. Keep this in mind next time you want to do something and feel defeated because you don’t have anyone to do it with. Just go out there and have fun with yourself!^{[4]
  X
  Research source}
2
Pick up a new hobby. Hobbies help you to build self-confidence and have new experiences. Choose something you’ve always wanted to do, such as salsa dancing, learning a new language, or joining a club sports team, and look up classes or meet-ups in your area.
- Hobbies are proven to help you relieve stress, which leads to overall improved mental health and self-esteem. Plus, it feels good to be good at something. Tackling a new hobby and watching yourself improve is an overall valuable experience.
- Trying new things also lets you meet new people. If you’re trying to avoid being in a relationship make sure you’re not being too flirtatious with the people you meet. Instead, look to cultivate new friendships that will let you connect with other people and learn something about yourself.^{[5]
  X
  Research source}
3
Take a solo trip. Travel is one of the best ways to learn about yourself and your needs and goals. A solo trip can be anything from a weekend getaway to a yearlong trek around the world. Spending time with yourself in a new place will push you out of your comfort zone, an experience that forces you to grow as a person and increases your sense of self-esteem and self love.
- Giving yourself time to travel alone also helps you to filter out drama from your life. If you take some time to appreciate nature on a camping trip, you might change your perspective on some of the relationship drama in your life.
- Traveling alone helps you avoid the potential for settling down with somebody in a serious relationship as you’re constantly on the move.
4
Love yourself. Take time everyday to remind yourself that you are enough just as you are, and don’t need a relationship to validate your existence. If you aren’t interested in being with anybody for the time being, devote yourself to exploring self-love. Write in a journal and meditate or practice yoga to increase self-awareness, and be kind and patient with yourself.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- Take time away from technology in the morning. When you wake up, don’t check social media until after you’ve eaten breakfast. Social media places many demands on people and makes us feel as if we need to be constantly engaging in endless relationships. Instead, read or write in a journal, enjoy a cup of coffee, or go for a nice walk.^{[7]
  X
  Research source}
5
Take a break from nightlife. Bars and clubs are chock full of people looking to be in a relationship. If you’re truly trying to avoid any sort of relationship, steer clear of places that are bound to have people on the prowl. If you’re feeling social, try getting together with a group of friends, seeing a show, or hosting a game night.
- If you can’t stay away from the nightlife, try to avoid drinking at the very least. Alcohol impairs your judgment and might cause you to make a decision that leads to a complicated relationship.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Focusing on Friendships

1
Hang out with an old friend. Friendships are too often ignored in favor of pursuing a romantic partner. However, a recent study at the London School of Economics showed that friendships make people the happiest, even above a romantic partner. Take some time to appreciate the friendships that you have in your life.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- Take an old friend out for coffee, cook them dinner, or make a plan to do something fun with them once a week such as a fitness class, a movie, or a hike.
2
Ask somebody out on a friend date. We all have friend crushes. What not pursue a friendship with a stranger? As long as you make your intentions clear, meeting somebody new in a platonic setting is a great way to form a deep connection and expand your horizons without the messiness of sex or romance.^{[9]
X
Research source}
3
Make time to talk on the phone. In our era it’s more and more common for people to move frequently and lose touch with good friends. Call up friends and family and have a genuine conversation.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- Staying in touch with people you care about will make you feel more connected and loved.
- If you’re not interested in dating, socializing with friends, even if they’re far away, decreases a potential sense of loneliness.
4
Do something nice for someone else. Surprise a friend with a thoughtful gift, a coffee, or a pre-planned adventure. Keeping other people’s needs in mind makes you a better friend and ultimately will make you feel better about yourself.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- Tell people why you appreciate them and why you are grateful to have them in your life.

Warnings

Some people might think you're playing hard to get. Be clear that you simply are not interested in a serious relationship at the moment.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 14 Not Helpful 3