How to Avoid Bad Company (for Teens)

Co-authored by Nancy Lin, PhD

Last Updated: July 20, 2022 References Approved

Hanging out with the wrong friends can cause a lot of problems for you even if you don't participate in their poor choices. Other people (including your parents) often consider you guilty by association meaning you might get in trouble even if you didn't do anything wrong. Getting rid of these kinds of people can be difficult, so it's usually best to simply avoid them from the beginning.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Getting Rid of Existing Bad Company

1
Begin to distance yourself. Slowly stop accepting their invitations to hang out. If they invite you over to their house, avoid it. Pretend to be ill or make an excuse.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- Try one of these examples:
  - “I’m not really in the mood to hang out today.”
  - “Thanks for the invitation, but I’m not feeling very well today.”
- Also, quit confiding in them. Continuing the intimacy of friendship will only make it harder to end the relationship in the long run.
- It's okay to restructure or downgrade a friendship if you both have different values.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Nancy Lin, PhD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 27 May 2021.}
2
Make excuses to avoid them. Start coming up with reasons that you can't see them. This will help if they are bad company and you want to gradually stop hanging out with them. Eventually they should start to notice and leave you alone.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- Some good examples of excuses could be that you have to babysit, that your parents are monitoring you, or you could even sign up for school activities and say they are taking up too much of your time.
- Try one of these examples:
  - “I appreciate the offer, but I have a lot of homework tonight.”
  - “I can’t hang out today because my parents are making me do my chores at home.”
Advertisement
3
Try to help them if you really want to continue to hang out with them. Talk to them about their behavior and tell them why their actions bother you. Give them advice about how to change if they are willing to hear it.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Some ways you could help them are by telling them honestly how their behavior makes you feel.^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Nancy Lin, PhD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 27 May 2021.} You could also talk to a counselor or their parents with them, offering to help them with something stressful in their life that might be causing them to act out (like homework, trouble at home, etc.), or helping them find positive outlets in their life (like sports, church, and other hobbies or school activities).
- You could say something like, "It bothers me when you make me feel like I'm not a good friend," "I don’t like feeling pressured to do things I don’t want to do. I wish you wouldn’t do that," and "I’ll be happy to help you figure out a way to deal with that situation."
- You might also say, "It really hurt me when you shared the stuff that I told you in confidence."^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Nancy Lin, PhD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 27 May 2021.}
4
Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. If they persist with their bad behavior and won't leave you alone, continue to resist them. But if they still continue to follow you, tell them you don't want to hang out with them anymore.
- Try one of these examples:
  - “I don’t think being friends with you is good for me right now. I think I need to take a break.”
  - “I feel like I need to focus on other things right now. I can’t hang out with you anymore.”

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Choosing Better Company

1
Think about the kind of friends that you want. What qualities are you looking for in a friend? Determining these things ahead of time will help you know what to look for when you are making new friends. Search out people who have these positive qualities you want in your life.
- Some qualities you might consider are kindness, honesty, loyalty, intelligence, or creativity.
- Think of ways to tell if people possess these qualities. For example, someone who makes good grades in school is probably intelligent. Someone who volunteers at a nursing home is probably kind. Someone who is very active in art class is probably creative.
2
Meet people from your activities. Try to become friends with people who have good morals. A good place to meet people like this is at your church youth group or in an activity group organized through your school. People who get involved in activities and in the community are less likely to cause problems.
3
Monitor their behavior. Do this before you start hanging out with someone new. If they mouth off in school, get into fights, or bully others, don't get too close to them.
4
Choose people with similar interests and goals. Hanging out with likeminded people is important. The saying “you are what you eat” can be applied to the friends you choose as well. If you hang out with motivated, driven people that will begin to rub off on you as well.^{[7]
X
Research source} If you spend time with people who don’t care about school or who are not nice to others, those behaviors could eventually rub off on you.^{[8]
X
Research source}
5
Talk to trusted advisors. There are probably a lot of people in your life (parents, teachers, counselors) who have more life experience than you and would love to advise you on how to find and keep good friends. Take advantage of their advice by talking to them and asking their opinion. It might help!

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Attracting the Right Kind of Friends

1
Be a nice person. If you want to attract the kind of people who will be good company, you need to be a nice person who is enjoyable to be around. Be kind to others, help those around you, and make goals for your life.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- Be grateful for what you have in life and what others do for you. Everyone likes feeling appreciated. Tell others that you are thankful for them.^{[10]
  X
  Research source}
2
Make good decisions. People don’t want to spend time with others who will get them in trouble or influence them negatively. Make decisions in your own life that will positively impact your own life and those around you.
- Before making a decision, think about your choices, possible outcomes for each, consider the pros and cons, and enlist the advice of people you trust.^{[11]
  X
  Research source}
3
Do well in school. When you are a teenager, an easy way for others to make judgments about what kind of person you are stem from observing how focused you are in school. If you make an effort and try to be successful in your classes, this will reflect well on what kind of person you are and it will attract other people who will be good company for you.
- Also, this will be a good marker for the parents of your prospective friends. Sometimes parents can be suspicious of new friends. But if you are successful in school, most parents will have more confidence in you from the beginning.
4
Get help if you need it. Sometimes we attract the wrong kind of people because we are not emotionally capable of being a good friend at the moment. There are plenty of ways to get the help you need – like through counseling/therapy, by taking care of your body through diet and regular exercise, or simply by talking through your problems with someone you trust.^{[12]
X
Trustworthy Source
National Institute of Mental Health
Informational website from U.S. government focused on the understanding and treatment of mental illness.
Go to source}
- Some examples of things that you might need to get help for before you can attract the right kind of friends is drug or alcohol addiction, various psychological problems (like depression), or anger management issues. These are aspects of your own life that you will need to work toward fixing in order to attract the kinds of friends you want.
- If you are feeling severely depressed or suicidal, reach out for help immediately. Talk to your doctor or call/text the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (988).^{[13]
  X
  Research source}

Warnings

Though it is unlikely, some people may react violently if you try to exclude them from your life. So be careful.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 33 Not Helpful 3