How to Find Love Through a Video Call Date: Avoid Awkwardness and Spark Romance

Co-authored by David Kornel Z and Amy Bobinger

Last Updated: August 25, 2021 References

Dating from home gained a lot of traction during the pandemic, but it's still a popular option even as things open back up. For one thing, it's a great way to get a feel for a potential match from the comfort of home. It can be a lot cheaper than going out to a restaurant or bar, too. If you haven't done it before, you might be worried that it will be a little awkward—but with a little preparation and the right attitude, you can turn a video date into a really fun experience that might just lead to in-person romance!

1

Agree on a time for the date to start—and end.

Having an end time will give you an out. It's normal to agree when you'll meet for an in-person date, but when you're video dating, it's a good idea to pencil in the general time for the whole date. That way, if you're not really feeling things, you'll have a built-in excuse to end the call—and you can always let it go on longer if you're having a good time.^{[1]
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- Bow out gracefully by saying something like, "This has been fun, but I promised my sister I'd call her at 9, so I have to wrap things up."

2

Do something to calm your nerves beforehand.

It's totally normal to get butterflies before a date. Make a little time to relax ahead of time to help you get rid of some of those butterflies. Exactly how you do that depends on what you find relaxing—you could take a long shower, listen to your favorite playlist, or light a candle in a comforting scent like peppermint or lavender.^{[2]
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- If you prefer a more physical release for your anxious energy, go for a run or spend some time in the gym!
- Give yourself a pep talk—if you catch yourself feeling nervous, say something like, "I feel this way because I'm really excited!"

3

Test out your app and camera ahead of time.

Don't get tripped up by technology woes. At least an hour before your date, log in to your video chat app. If you've never used the app before, click around a little to get familiar with the settings. Then, set up your camera or phone so your camera is at a flattering angle. If you spend a little time setting up before the date starts, you won't start out awkwardly adjusting your camera or talking into a muted mic—that could throw off your game for the rest of the date!^{[3]
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- Try to make sure your camera is at about eye level—it's a flattering angle, and you'll look the most like yourself.^{[4]
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- Make sure you have good lighting—natural light is best, but if the date is at night, place a lamp or string lights in front of you to create a soft glow without harsh shadows.

4

Get some privacy.

Wear headphones and lock your door if you live with people. There's nothing more awkward than someone barging in on your date, especially if you really start to get flirty. If you have roommates or live with your parents, put on headphones so you'll be the only one who can hear what your date is saying, and set up your camera in a room where you can be alone—like your bedroom.^{[5]
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- Make sure you tell your housemates that you'll be on a call so they'll know not to interrupt you.
- If you can, try to schedule your date when you'll be home alone. If that's not an option, try turning on a fan to create some white noise so you'll have a little more privacy.^{[6]
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5

Wear pants.

Avoid an embarrassing on-camera wardrobe malfunction. One of the perks of video chatting is that your outfit only has to be cute on top—it's totally fine to rock a comfy pair of sweatpants. However, don't go completely bottomless—one wrong camera tilt or an unexpected reflection could leave you and your date seriously blushing!^{[7]
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6

Have a list of questions and conversation topics ready.

Switch to something new if things start to stall. When you're on a date in person, you can always talk about what's happening around you if the conversation fades—like the decor, music, food, or even the people at the table next to you. It can be a little harder to keep things flowing on a video chat because all you can really see is your date's face and a little of the room behind him. Prepare for that ahead of time by making a cheat sheet with a few questions that will help you get to know your date a little better.^{[8]
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- Try to stick to open-ended questions instead of questions that can simply be answered "yes" or "no." For instance, instead of asking, "Do you like football?" you might ask, "What's your favorite sports team, and why?" (If they say they don't like sports, try asking what they like to watch in their free time!)
- You might also ask about hobbies, what they do for work, where they're originally from, or what kind of music they listen to.

7

Use your hands while you're talking.

You'll seem more relaxed and confident. If you keep your hands down in your lap the whole time, your body will seem stiff and you'll seem uncomfortable. Instead, relax and just gesture normally. That will help your date get a much better idea of who you normally are—and when you seem more comfortable, it will probably help them feel a little more at ease, too.^{[9]
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- Try to avoid touching your face, though—that can make you seem like you're feeling upset or insecure.

8

Give your date your full attention.

It will be pretty obvious if you get distracted. When you're talking on the phone, you can sometimes get away with doing other things, like checking your email or scrolling social media. If you're video-chatting, though, the other person is able to see whatever you're doing. Try to keep your full attention on your date, or else they might start to feel like you aren't really that interested in them. So awkward!^{[10]
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- Turn off the notifications on your phone or computer so you won't be distracted if you get a text or email during the date.
- Of course, there might be distractions you can't avoid—like your cat walking across the keyboard or the smoke alarm going off in your apartment. If something like that happens, apologize and laugh it off, then get back to the date as quickly as possible.

9

Practice active listening when your date is talking.

Nod, smile, and look at your date to show you're listening. Video dating can lack a little of the nuance of dating in-person. That's because you can't rely as much on cues like body language and eye contact to tell how the other person is feeling. To overcome that, make a point of giving your date visual feedback while they're talking—like nodding slowly to show that you're really feeling what they're saying or smiling when they make a good point.^{[11]
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- If you want to give the impression that you're making eye contact, look directly at your camera—not at your date on the screen. This can take a little practice, but it will help the date feel more intimate.^{[12]
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- Smiling is a great way to flirt with your date without saying a word!^{[13]
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  Expert Source
  
  David Kornel Z
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}

10

Plan an activity to do during the date.

Staying busy can help you avoid awkward silences. Just because you can't meet in person doesn't mean your video date has to be boring. Agree on an activity ahead of time, or surprise your date by giving them a couple of choices once the date starts. That way, you'll have plenty to talk about without necessarily having to just stare at each other the whole time. For instance:^{[14]
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- Have a meal together
- Stream a movie, show, or concert^{[15]
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- Do a virtual tour of a museum or zoo^{[16]
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- Play online trivia or board games
- Take an online class
- Live-stream

11

Laugh it off if something awkward happens.

It's okay if everything isn't perfect. Your screen might freeze up, or you and your date might accidentally talk over each other because the syncing is off a little. If that happens, don't get too worked up about it—it's all part of video dating. If you overreact, you'll seem uptight, but if you can just go with the flow, you'll show your date how cool you really are.^{[17]
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- It's fine to mention it—that can actually take some of the awkwardness away. Try saying something like, "At least we won't have to worry about tech problems if we meet up in real life, right?"