How to Apologize to a Cat

Oh no! You've done something to deeply offend your cat, and now it won't even let you come near it. Fortunately, it is possible to earn a cat's forgiveness. This article will show you not only how to apologize to your cat, but it will also show you how to do it safely, so that you don't get scratched.

Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Reading Your Cat's Body Language

  1. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 16
    1
    Take note of your cat's body language. It will tell you what sort of mood your cat is in. If your cat is too angry or upset, your apology will mean nothing to him or her and will most likely result in you getting slapped across the face.
  2. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 18
    2
    Observe the ears. A cat's ears are very expressive, and will also help you determine how it is feeling. In general, if the ears are up, the cat is happy, and if the ears are down, the cat is not happy. Here are some more detailed guidelines:[1]
    • Are the ears up and in a normal, relaxed position? If so, you can go ahead and try to apologize to your cat.
    • If the ears are turned back, do not approach your cat. it is deeply offended and angry. Give it some time. it might be feeling scared. You can still approach your cat, but do it slowly and carefully.
    • If your cats ears are pressed back flat against the skull, it might be feeling scared. You can still approach your cat, but do it slowly and carefully.
    Advertisement
  3. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 17
    3
    Watch the tail. The tail is the most expressive part of a cat's body, and is a good indicator of your cat's mood. Unlike dogs, cats do not "Wag" their tails when they are happy. Here are some more guidelines:[2]
    • If the tail is pointing up, with the tip slightly curled to the side, your cat is content and safe to approach.
    • If the tail is poofed up, your cat is frightened. You may try to approach your cat to calm it down, but do so slowly, and make sure that your cat can run and hide from you. A cornered cat may quickly turn into an aggressive cat.
    • If your cat is twitching or thumping his tail, then do not approach your cat. it is angry, and probably at you. Give your cat some time before apologizing.
  4. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 19
    4
    Take note of your cat's eyes. A cat's eyes respond dramatically to changes in light, but they also change according to mood. When looking at your cat's eyes, you will also have to take the lighting into account as well as the rest of the cat's body language. Here are some guidelines:[3]
    • If a cat's pupil is very large, it may be afraid. It could also mean that it is just dark in the room.
    • If a cat's pupils are narrow, it may be angry and agitated. It could also mean that the lighting is very bright.
  5. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 20
    5
    Look at the face. Are the whiskers pointing forward, teeth bared, and nose wrinkled? If so, your cat is still too angry to feel like being approached by an apologetic human. Try again later.
  6. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 21
    6
    Look at your cat's body and fur. Is the fur standing on end? If so, your cat may be frightened or agitated. Is your cat's fur flat against him or her? This means that your cat may be more relaxed; look at your cat's body for other clues to his or her mood, however.[4]
  7. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 22
    7
    Take note of the claws. If the claws are extended or tensed, use extreme caution.[5] Cats are fast, and your cat may be preparing to strike.
    8. Advertisement
Part 2
Part 2 of 3:

Apologizing to Your Cat

  1. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 1
    1
    Determine the offense. What did you do to make your cat so mad at you? Did you make fun of her? Step on it's tail? Or did you take it's spot on the couch? Knowing what you did wrong will help you decide how to approach your cat. It will also help you decide how to go about apologizing to him or her. Here are some examples of what you might have done to offend your cat and what you could do to show you're sorry:
    • If you offended your cat by making fun of it, you will probably have to offer some treats and praise.
    • If you accidentally stepped on your cat's tail or startled her by dropping a pot, a simple cuddle may be all that is needed.
    • If you took your cat's favorite spot on the couch, consider vacating the spot and giving your cat a treat.
  2. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 2
    2
    Choose a good time to apologize. If your cat is visibly angry, you will need to give it some time before you try to approach it and apologize; approaching too soon may result in getting scratched.[6] Try not to wait too long to apologize, however; instead, approach the cat as soon as it appears calmer. You can also approach a frightened cat, but do so with caution. Refer to the section in this article on reading your cat's body language to learn how to determine your cat's mood.
    • If your cat keeps running away from you, consider leaving behind a small treat in a place it can find. This will let it know that you are sorry and still care about it.
    • A frightened cat should be approached with care. Always give a frightened cat room to escape. it may actually need comfort and reassurance, especially if there was a loud, sudden sound. At the same time, however, it may want to be alone, which is why leaving an escape route is so important. A frightened, cornered cat may quickly turn aggressive.
  3. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 3
    3
    Walk slowly to your cat. If your cat runs away from you, it may be still be angry, upset, or frightened. Do not chase after your cat. Instead, try again a few minutes later. This will reassure your cat that you won't do anything to further harm or annoy it. Having a cat treat ready may also reassure your cat.
  4. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 4
    4
    Talk to your cat. Tell it "I'm sorry." You may even use your cat's name. Make sure that you are using a soft, calm voice, with a slightly higher pitch than usual.[7] Your cat may not necessarily understand your words, but it will understand your tone. Do not use a loud, shrill voice; cats do have sensitive hearing and you will only annoy your cat.
    • Consider blinking slowly. A trusting cat will blink slowly. You can show your cat that you trust it by blinking slowly.[8]
  5. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 5
    5
    Stroke your cat gently in it's favorite spots. Make sure that you take note of your cat's mood; if your cat appears angry or upset, then do not pet her. Refer to the section in this article on reading your cat's body language to learn how to best determine your cat's mood. If you don't know where your cat likes to be petted, here are some suggestions:
    • Scratch your cat behind the ear. An even better place would be to gently stroke the area between your cat's eye and ear. Use the tip of your finger and slowly smooth over the fine hairs there.
    • Scratch your cat under the cheek and against the cheek. it may even forgive you for your offense and start rubbing against your hand.
    • Scratch your cat at the base of her tail. Place your fingers on the base of your cat's tail, where the tail and back meet, and wriggle your fingers, gently stretching with your fingertips.
    • Stroke your cat's head, back, and chest. Keep in mind, however, that not all cats enjoy being petted in these areas. Watch your cat's body language carefully for any signs of annoyance.
  6. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 6
    6
    Play with your cat. Your cat could be upset with you because you have not been spending enough time with it. If your cat is more energetic, you could consider playing with it—although most cats would enjoy swatting at a piece of string. Here are some ways you can play with your cat:
    • Toss a piece of crumpled up cellophane or paper towards your cat. You can also use a toy mouse instead. Do not throw the toy at it, however. Instead, aim for a spot just before it's paws.
    • Dangle a piece of string in front of your cat. Jiggle it and move it slowly back and forth, towards and away from your cat. You can even try running the string across it's paws.
    • Purchase a laser pointer and point the laser on a spot on the wall or the floor. Once your cat is paying attention to the red dot, move the laser around. He may even try running after the laser.
    • Play with your cat using a cat teaser. A cat teaser is a long, flexible stick with some feathers or string attached to one end. Some teasers also have a bell. Hold the teaser by one end and wave the decorated end near your cat's paws. Gently flick it upward—it may try to jump up to catch it.
  7. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 7
    7
    Give your cat some attention. If you have been ignoring your cat lately, you may notice that your cat has become less affectionate than usual. This means that your cat could be upset and lonely. You can apologize to your cat by spending time with it. This could be as simple as reading a book or listening to music next to your cat, or giving him a nice, long petting session. It could also mean that you have to set aside some time to play with your cat.
  8. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 8
    8
    Praise and compliment your cat. If you made fun of or laughed at your cat, you may have offended it. Offer your cat a cat treats and tell your cat how wonderful and beautiful it is. Use a soft, gentle tone. Your cat may not necessarily understand your words, but it will know that you are talking to it and saying nice things to it.
  9. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 9
    9
    Give your cat what he or she wants, within reason. Cats can get upset if they don't get what they want. Sometimes, what they want is simple and harmless—such as sitting on that fluffy pillow. Other times, what they want could be harmful, such as a portion of your dinner. Some human foods can be very bad for your cat's health. If what the cat wanted was harmless, you could relent and let your cat have it. If what your cat wanted could be dangerous, then offer your cat something else instead.
    • If your cat wanted to sit on that fluffy pillow of the couch, let it do it. You could even pick your cat up and set it down on that spot. Give your cat a reassuring stroke or two.
    • If your cat really wanted that milk or tuna, you should give something else instead. Milk or cream can upset a cat's stomach, and tuna can be dangerous in large amounts due to its high levels of mercury.[9] Consider giving your cat a yummy cat treat instead.
    10. Advertisement
Part 3
Part 3 of 3:

Making Peace Offerings

  1. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 10
    1
    Give a treat to your cat.[10] If your cat is in a more approachable mood, you can try giving him a treat directly.[11] Put three to five cat treats in your hand and kneel down close to the cat. If the cat is ready to forgive you, he will come over to you and eat the treats. At this time, you may try to pet your cat behind the ear (or any other favorite spot). If your cat does not approach you, leave the treats on the floor and step away. Do not take the treats away—this will only disappoint your cat.
    • Cat treats come in many different textures, including: soft and chewy, hard and crunchy, crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside, dried meats (sort of like jerky), and freeze-dried. You can even find dried tuna flakes in the cat treat aisle of a pet store.
    • Cat treats also come in many different flavors, including chicken, turkey, tuna, and salmon. You can even find catnip-flavored treats.
    • Consider getting a beneficial treat. There are also cat treats that help prevent hairballs and tarter. Not only will you be keeping your cat happy, but you will also be keeping him or her healthy.[12]
  2. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 11
    2
    Leave a cat treat surprise for your cat. Be sure to leave it in a place you know where he will be able to find it. Here are some examples:
    • If your cat is hiding under the bed, consider leaving the cat treat just under the bed. Do not leave the treat too far out from under the bed. This will force the cat to craw out from her or her "safe" spot, and will make him or her feel anxious. Do not reach too far under the bed, or the cat may scratch you.
    • If your cat is really agitated, leave a treat near his food, or in his favorite spot. In fact, if you offended your cat by taking his favorite spot on the couch, you can leave the cat treat in that spot. This will let the cat know that you are sorry and that he can sit in this spot without being kicked off.
  3. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 12
    3
    Add treats to your cat's food. Take three to five cat treats and place them on top of your cat's food during feeding time. If your cat is picky and does not like treats mixed in with his food, then leave the treats in a dish next to the food.
  4. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 13
    4
    Treat your cat with some special food.[13] Does your cat have a favorite flavor of cat food? If you feed your cat different flavors, choose his favorite one, and serve it during feeding time.
  5. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 14
    5
    Offer some dried cat nip. If your cat is too agitated, you may be able to get her to calm down with a sprinkle of cat nip on the floor. If you do not like cleaning up messes (some cats will eat the dried catnip while others will just roll around in it), then you can give him or her a catnip toy.
  6. Image titled Apologize to a Cat Step 15
    6
    Give your cat a toy. If your cat is interested in cat toys, you can buy a new toy and give it to her.[14] Simply approach your cat, kneel down, hold the toy out so she can see it. You may leave the toy on the ground and back away, or you can toss the toy. This depends on how your cat likes to play with toys. Keep in mind that not every cat likes to play, especially older ones.
    • You can make your own catnip toy by cutting a small square from fabric and putting a spoonful of dried catnip in the center. Pull the sides of the fabric upwards, bundling the catnip up inside, and secure it with a piece of string.
    • You can also make another catnip toy by stuffing a sock with some cotton or polyester stuffing and adding a spoonful of dried catnip. Tie the sock off with some string.
    7. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

  • Question
    Can cats get their feelings hurt?
    Jessica Char
    Jessica Char
    Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant
    Jessica Char is a Cat and Dog Trainer, Behavior Consultant, and the Founder of Feline Engineering and Canine Engineering. She specializes in modifying challenging pet behavior problems, such as fear and aggression, using positive reinforcement training protocols. Jessica is a Certified Fear Free Trainer, a Certified Professional Dog Trainer, and a Certified Separation Anxiety Trainer. She is also a member of the International Association of Animal Behavior Consultants. Jessica received her BS and MS in Biomedical Engineering from Washington University in St. Louis.
    Jessica Char
    Jessica Char
    Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant
    Expert Answer
    Yes, they can! If you think your cat is upset with you, give them some space to calm down and give it some time. The best thing you can do is back off and show them that you recognize that you've hurt them and that you're going to stop doing what you were doing.
  • Question
    How do you get a cat to trust you again?
    Jessica Char
    Jessica Char
    Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant
    Jessica Char is a Cat and Dog Trainer, Behavior Consultant, and the Founder of Feline Engineering and Canine Engineering. She specializes in modifying challenging pet behavior problems, such as fear and aggression, using positive reinforcement training protocols. Jessica is a Certified Fear Free Trainer, a Certified Professional Dog Trainer, and a Certified Separation Anxiety Trainer. She is also a member of the International Association of Animal Behavior Consultants. Jessica received her BS and MS in Biomedical Engineering from Washington University in St. Louis.
    Jessica Char
    Jessica Char
    Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant
    Expert Answer
    Leave the cat alone for now. When you're feeling ready to enter the same head space where they are, sit at a distance and offer them their favorite treat so that your cat can come get them as they're ready.
  • Question
    Is there such thing as a cat "love bite"?
    Community Answer
    Community Answer
    Yes, there is such a thing. A "love bite" is generally a gentler bite that can indicate either overstimulation or a playful mood. Read your cat's body language and proceed with caution.
Advertisement

Warnings

  • Never slap, yell at, or punish a cat for ignoring you. It will do nothing but make them feel worse.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
  • Watch your cat's body language. If you cat appears angry, avoid touching him or her, or you might get scratched.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
  • Do not give your cat food from your pantry or fridge as a treat. Most human food is not good for cats.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
Advertisement

You Might Also Like

Apologize
How to
Apologize
Apologize to a Teacher
How to
Apologize to a Teacher
Apologize to Your Best Friend
How to
Apologize to Your Best Friend
Apologize to Your Girlfriend
How to
Apologize to Your Girlfriend
Apologize For Cheating on Your Partner
How to
Apologize For Cheating on Your Partner
Apologize to a Friend
How to
Apologize to a Friend
Have Fun with Your Cat
How to
Have Fun with Your Cat
Stop Male Cat from Mounting MeHow to Stop My Male Cat from Mounting Me
Encourage Your New Cat to Come Out of Hiding
How to
Encourage Your New Cat to Come Out of Hiding
Earn the Trust of a Stray Cat
How to
Earn the Trust of a Stray Cat
Gain a Cat's Trust
How to
Gain a Cat's Trust
Speak Cat
How to
Speak Cat
Advertisement

References

  1. ↑ Pet Finder, Cat Talk: A Guide to Cat Body Language
  2. ↑ Pet Finder, Cat Talk: A Guide to Cat Body Language
  3. ↑ Pet Finder, Cat Talk: A Guide to Cat Body Language
  4. ↑ Humane Society, Cat Chat: Understanding Feline Language
  5. ↑ Purina, Understanding Your Cat's Body Language
  6. ↑ Jessica Char. Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant. Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.
  7. ↑ Catster, How to Talk to Your Cat
  8. ↑ Pets.webMD, What Your Cat's Body Language is Saying
  9. ↑ Pets.WebMD, Foods Your Cat Should Never Eat
  1. ↑ Pets.WebMD, Cat Treats and Snacks: What's Healthy?
  2. ↑ Jessica Char. Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant. Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.
  3. ↑ Catster, Cat Treats: The Pros and Cons
  4. ↑ Jessica Char. Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant. Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.
  5. ↑ Jessica Char. Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant. Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.

About This Article

Jessica Char
Co-authored by:
Jessica Char
Cat & Dog Behavior Consultant
This article was co-authored by Jessica Char. Jessica Char is a Cat and Dog Trainer, Behavior Consultant, and the Founder of Feline Engineering and Canine Engineering. She specializes in modifying challenging pet behavior problems, such as fear and aggression, using positive reinforcement training protocols. Jessica is a Certified Fear Free Trainer, a Certified Professional Dog Trainer, and a Certified Separation Anxiety Trainer. She is also a member of the International Association of Animal Behavior Consultants. Jessica received her BS and MS in Biomedical Engineering from Washington University in St. Louis. This article has been viewed 546,088 times.
50 votes - 85%
Co-authors: 60
Updated: March 8, 2023
Views: 546,088
Categories: Communicating with Cats
Article SummaryX

To apologize to a cat, wait until it calms down and approach the cat slowly. Next, speak to the kitty in a soft, soothing tone and gently pet it in a few of its favorite spots, like behind the ears and under the chin. It may also help to offer a few tasty treats during your apology. Leaving treats in your kitty's food bowl or providing a special meal as a peace offering can also work wonders. Alternatively, if your cat is interested in toys and catnip, try offering it a brand new toy or some fresh catnip. For tips on understanding your cat's body language, read on!

Did this summary help you?
Advertisement