Why Do Guys Get Bored in Relationships?

Co-authored by Luis Congdon and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: May 30, 2022 References

Do you feel like your guy is losing interest in you? Boredom in long-term relationships is pretty common, especially after the honeymoon phase is over. Sitting down with your partner and asking him about his feelings is the best way to get to the bottom of his boredom. Before you do that, we’ll give you some insight on the common reasons why guys tend to get bored in relationships (and how you can alleviate that boredom).

1

He wants space.

Clingy behavior tends to push people away. You might find yourself constantly texting or calling your partner, even when they’re slow to respond. If that’s the case, chat with your partner about how often you both want to see each other and whether or not he needs more alone time.^{[1]
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- “You’ve seemed a little different lately. Are you getting enough alone time? I need less alone time than you do, so let me know if you want to switch things up.”
- “I love hanging out with you, but I understand if it’s too much. Should we hang out every other day instead of every day?”

2

He’s not ready for a serious relationship.

Your guy may be worried because he’s used to short-term flings. If this is his first real relationship or the longest he’s dated someone, he might be pulling away because he’s scared of his feelings. Try sitting down and talking to him about what he’s going through, and see if you can reassure him in any way.^{[2]
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- “Ever since we became official, I feel like you’ve pulled away a little bit. Are you feeling a little weird because this is new for you?”
- “Let me know if you want to take things slower. Relationships can be overwhelming, and I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

3

He’s tired of little arguments.

Fighting over little things can make people pull back in relationships. If you find that you and your partner are constantly arguing about small stuff, you may need to reconnect with each other. Sit down and talk about any underlying problems in your relationship to get to the root of why you’re fighting so much.^{[3]
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- Arguments over small things, like doing the dishes or taking out the trash, usually have a deeper meaning to them. Try to communicate with your partner to stop fighting so much and express how you’re really feeling.
- Bring this up by saying something like, “I’ve noticed we’ve been fighting more often than usual. Is there anything about our relationship that you want to discuss? I’m happy to talk things over with you.”

4

He needs some positive reinforcement.

Not getting compliments can make men put up their walls. In long-term relationships, it’s easy to offer more constructive criticism than positive reinforcement. However, constantly hearing how you need to improve can be draining over time. Be sure that you’re giving your partner plenty of praise, and call out the good things they do, too.^{[4]
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- “Thanks so much for making dinner tonight! This food is delicious.”
- “You got me flowers? How sweet! You’re so thoughtful.”

5

He’s stressed out with work or school.

Outside stressors can distract people from their relationships. If your partner seems a little bored or preoccupied, take a look at what he’s doing on a daily basis. If he’s working on a tough project at work or in school, he might just be stressed.^{[5]
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- Help him unwind by planning relaxing activities for the two of you. Go get a massage or run him a bubble bath so he can unwind at home.
- Talk with him about it by saying something like, “I know you’ve been working super hard lately, and I want you to know I appreciate everything you do. Is there anything I can do to help alleviate that stress?”

6

You’ve fallen into a routine.

Long-term relationships can fall into ruts from time to time. When you’ve been together for a while, it’s easy to get into a routine of going to work, coming home, hanging out, and going to bed. Try mixing it up every once in a while by doing something spontaneous or heading out for a fun date night whenever you can.
- Try to break out of the “roles” in your relationship, too. If he’s normally the one to plan dates, surprise him by taking him out. If he’s usually the one who cooks, take over and make a fancy dinner one night.

7

You aren’t connecting as much as a couple.

It’s important to make time for each other in a relationship. If you and your partner have been together for a while, you might get stuck talking about work, kids, or other responsibilities. Be sure you’re making time to sit down with each other and reconnect one on one.^{[6]
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- An easy way to do this is to set a designated date night every week.
- Or, try new things together. Sign up for a class to do a fun activity while learning something new.

8

He thinks he knows everything about you.

When the mystery is gone, some people end up getting bored. Maybe your partner thinks he’s asked you every question under the sun or knows all your childhood stories. Try reconnecting by asking each other deep questions to get some surprising answers. Try questions like:
- “What advice do you wish you heard when you were younger?”
- “How much time do you think couples need to spend with each other?”
- “What’s something I do that you really love?”
- Asking deep questions is especially important in a long distance relationship, because it helps you two feel closer even when you’re apart.

9

He wants to spice up your sex life.

Couples tend to fall into a routine in the bedroom. If your partner seems a little bored whenever you initiate sex, try asking him if he has any fantasies he wants to try. You don’t have to do anything you aren't comfortable with, but keep an open mind, and be open to trying new things.^{[7]
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- An easy way to spice up your sex life is just by trying new positions.
- You could also buy yourself a sexy new outfit, or bring home a new toy from an adult shop.
- Talk to him about your sex life by saying something like, “Hey babe, is there anything you’d like to try in the bedroom? I want to make sure you feel satisfied with our sex life.”

10

He’s feeling depressed.

Depression can cause boredom and apathy in a relationship. If your guy seems extra down, moody, or lackluster, ask him how he’s feeling in general. If he is suffering from depression, try suggesting that he see a mental health professional.^{[8]
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Research source} Other signs of depression include:
- Loss of interest in enjoyable activities
- Increased fatigue or trouble sleeping
- Anxiety or irritability
- Fluctuations in weight or appetite

11

He’s crushing on someone else.

In rare cases, boredom is a sign that your guy is looking elsewhere. While it’s not the number one cause of boredom in a relationship, if you notice that your partner is withdrawing or spending a lot of time with someone else, he could be developing feelings. Having a crush on someone doesn’t necessarily mean you need to end your relationship, but it’s good to sit down and talk about it together.^{[9]
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- “Honey, I’ve noticed you’ve been spending a lot of time with Melissa lately. I just want to check in and make sure you two are strictly platonic.”
- “I don’t mind you having friends, but your relationship with Rebecca is making me a little uncomfortable. Are you sure you don’t have feelings for her?”