How to Turn a Guy on Through Text Message

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: October 29, 2022 References

Hoping to turn up the heat with the guy in your life? Texts are a great way to hook him in and leave him wanting more, but what exactly are you supposed to say to get things going? Don’t worry—we’ve got you covered. We’ll walk you through some simple text ideas that are sure to pique his interest in the best way possible. Want to take things to the next level? Scroll to section 2 for some one-liner ideas that’ll definitely leave him wanting more. With just a few texts, you’ll have sparks flying in no time!

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Following Text Etiquette

1
Start by texting something casual, especially if it's a new relationship. It's important that you don't come on too strong with a new romantic interest. Text something light and innocent to start the conversation.
- For instance, you could say something like, “Hey, hope you're well. Just thinking about you” or “Hey, I can't stop thinking about that cute, boyish smile of yours.”
2
Text him a compliment to get his attention.^{[1]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Compliments are a great way to increase intimacy and can act as a lead-in for more steamy conversations. Just make sure the compliment is sincere and something you think he'll appreciate hearing.
- “Hey handsome!” is always a good start, especially if it's a relatively new relationship.
- Or you could try something funny and a little more bold like, “I can't stop laughing about our conversation the other night, I love how dirty-minded you are.”
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3
Flirt to gradually build up to more evocative topics. The key to turning him on is to start slow and work your way up (just as you would in person). Try to make him laugh, show him how funny/clever you are, and/or show him you care about him.
- For instance, you might text, “I think that story you told me last night broke my abs from laughing too hard” or “How did your interview go today? Did they appreciate your sharp wit like I do?”
- Texting him something hot and heavy from the get-go can be awkward (and creepy if you don't know each other that well yet).
4
Tell him what you're doing as a lead-in. Use what you're doing to shift the conversation to something more suggestive. You don't necessarily have to stick to the facts here—he won't know either way!
- For example, you might say, “I'm trying to work but can't stop thinking about this really sexy, smart man that I went out with last night…”
5
Keep the conversation short to leave him wanting more. Think of texting dirty messages as a form of mental foreplay—you want to turn him on without letting it go on for so long that he gets bored. Furthermore, long-winded flirty texts could create awkwardness and kill the mood.^{[2]
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- Cut the conversation short with a simple closing line like: “Can't wait to see you later,” or a simple flirty emoji (like 😘, 💋, or 😉).
6
Don't text him something naughty when you know it's an inappropriate time. Trying to turn him on when he's in an important meeting or at a somber event is ill-advised. If you know he's at a funeral, family event, or in an important meeting, don't try to divert his attention away from where it should be in that moment.^{[3]
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- Ask him what he's doing if you're not sure if it's a good time.
7
Avoid sending a lot of texts back-to-back. If you're trying to turn him on, don't annoy him! If he's a new interest, he might think you're needy. And if he's a stable partner, he might get irritated instead of turned on. Don't send more than two texts back to back without a response.^{[4]
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- If he doesn't respond, don't freak out and flood him with messages. He's probably busy!
- If you overdo it and he responds in a way that suggests he's annoyed or intimidated, take it as a lesson and be more conservative with how you text.
8
Avoid sending unsolicited nude pictures. Sending nudes out of the blue can create some problems for both of you. For instance, he might receive the text or open it when someone is in viewing range (like his mother, boss, or child!). Don't send one unless the two of you have talked about it and laid out some ground rules (like only sending them when both of you aren't at work).^{[5]
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- Don't let anyone pressure you into sending nudes! There's always a chance that someone unexpected might see them, so be smart about your privacy (e.g., don't show your face in the actual photo).^{[6]
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- An example of a good ground rule is to delete photos shortly after sending and receiving them.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Using One-Liners to Turn Him On

1
Ask teasing and intriguing questions to get you on his mind.^{[7]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Asking a suggestive question will excite him and get his imagination going. It also invites him to reply with something equally suggestive. You might ask any of the following:^{[8]
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- “What's your secret fetish?”
- “Why do you make me so frisky?!”
- “Remember that time we (insert something naughty the two of you have done)? Game for round 2?”
- “I'm crazy flexible. All that yoga's really paying off...wanna see later?”
- “Want to play dare or dare?”
2
Show your sense of humor to spark his imagination. Send a playful text that hints at something a little more naughty using relatively innocent language. This will remind him of how much fun you are to be around (and do things with!). Try these playful lines:^{[9]
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- “You'd look so vogue wearing my panties. Fashion show later? Please!?”
- “I can't stop laughing at this sex scene I just watched—ha! We could do better.”
- “I can't stop thinking about naughty things. Can you help me with this?”
- “Hey, I'm trying to focus here, if you could stop thinking about doing dirty things with me that'd be great. 😉”
3
Be bold with a romantic or straightforward text. Whether you're a soft romantic or bold vixen type, sending a candid text about how you feel about him will deepen your relationship. Super straightforward lines are especially effective if you know he likes it when you take the reins. You might try:^{[10]
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- “Your kisses really do something to me, like a lightning bolt.”
- “I can't sleep. All I keep thinking about is having you here next to me.”
- “Making love to you feels like I'm on another planet.”
- “I loved it when you ____ the other night, I've never felt that good before.”
- “Confession: I want you. Like, now.”
4
Send sensory details to make him fantasize about you. Discuss what you plan to do to him, talk about what you're wearing, or make up a sexual scenario involving the two of you. Try to add as much detail as you can and be as bold or subtle as you feel comfortable doing. For example, you might text:^{[11]
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- “First, I'm going to slowly run my fingers across your lips…”
- “I'm wearing those panties you like…”
- “You. Me. Naked. Kitchen counter. Dinner. Repeat.”

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I make a guy obsessed with me over text message?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Try giving him compliments to show your interest and make him feel good. A little playful teasing can also make you sound more flirty.
Question

What if that guy is my best friend and he's also my other best friend's boyfriend? He tells me he doesn't like her anymore and needs my help, and tells me he's crushing on me.

Community Answer

First off, that is wrong on so many levels. Cheating is never something you want to be involved with. All it will get you is a whole lot of drama. Tell your friend what is going on and see what you can work out from there. But whatever you do, do not cheat on your best friend.
Question

I sent my crush a text saying, "hey handsome" and he replied right away with "lol." Did I miss something or what?

Community Answer

He might just have felt weird or been surprised if you never talked/texted him that way before. Or he doesn't think he's handsome and thinks that was a funny thing to call him. It also kind of depends on your age; if you're in your early teens or something, that might not be language that people your age tend to use and it might be a little awkward. Rather than using the exact example from the article, you should just follow the general guidelines and say something that comes naturally to you.

Warnings

Do not send sexually suggestive or explicit texts to someone you just met—it's creepy and can be considered a form of harassment.

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