How to Smooth Talk

Co-authored by Katie Styzek

Last Updated: May 28, 2022 References

Are your teachers starting to suspect you for bad stuff you did at school? Is your boss going to cut back on your paycheck at work because he almost found out about something you did to cheat him? Smooth talking is more about making people feel comfortable, building a personal relationship instead of a purely "business" one. Luckily, however, this personal relationship often makes it much easier to get people to see your side of the business end, too.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Smooth Talking a Boss or Teacher

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Think ahead about what you want, and what you think your boss or teacher wants. Don't just go into the talk blind. Ask yourself what you're hoping for out of the interaction, making a clear goal before you start talking.^{[1]
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Research source} Even better, ask yourself what they might want out of the talk? Can you find a way to make sure everyone gets what they want? Having something to offer the other person, even if it is small or meaningless, is a great smooth talking tactic.
- Are you trying to get out of trouble, and know the teacher or boss believes you should be punished? Find a way to fix the problem or remedy the solution, a plan to make things better later.
- Are you asking for a favor? Find a way to make the request personal to them, showing how helping you helps them as well (you'll pay them, the project affects their neighborhood, etc.)
- Empathy, or the ability able to imagine things from another person's perspective, will make you an exponentially better smooth talker. Know what they want, and it is much easier to get what you want.
2
Don't start the conversation immediately with "business," unless you know your boss or teacher is in a rush. Spend some time talking, building a personal relationship, before launching into the professional one. People are much kinder to those they feel close with, and smooth talk is the art of bringing out the best, happiest, and friendliest of everyone to make it more likely they'll help you. Jumping right into business makes many people feel used, the exact opposite of a good smooth talker's goal.^{[2]
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- Smile and greet the person. Try to be as respectful as possible.^{[3]
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- Then answer their questions truthfully and use an even tone.
- Tell them why you are thankful to them, for example, for the times when they have helped or supported you.
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Respect and honor their authority. Coming out with a challenge will turn things into an argument instantly. Instead, remain polite, submissive, and kind. This doesn't mean you let yourself get pushed around.^{[4]
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Research source} Rather, it lets them feel in control, and thus more open to compromise and kindness. The key to smooth talking -- never get noticed. It's easiest if you don't rock the status quo.^{[5]
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- Listen intently when they talk. Nod along and add phrases like "that's a good point," "I hadn't thought of that," and "I respect that opinion."
- "I love my job," or "I really love this class!" shows that you're not trying to attack, you're trying to improve. Remember that a smooth talker works with someone, not over them.^{[6]
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- Offer to let speak first and thank them for the chance to share your side. Remember, you're not trying to outrank them, you're trying to talk them on your side.^{[7]
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- Always use proper titles, like Mr. and Mrs, or sir and ma'am, when appropriate.
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Add careful flattery. This can quickly go from kind to creepy if you over do it, so limit yourself to a few short, quick compliments, well-separated apart. A good rule of thumb is that, whenever you need to say anything negative, sandwich it between two short compliments. For example:
- "I understand why you run such a tight ship at work, and it really makes us so productive! I'm still not sure it is fair to make us all come work on Saturday. But I understand you're thinking about it because you want us to keep being such a great, powerful company."
- In your compliments, watch for telltale signs of comprehension and relaxation, such as crinkles in the corners of the eyes (a sign of a hidden smile), unclenching fists, and shoulders becoming less tense and drooping slightly. This often means you're getting somewhere positive.
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Keep your own discussion short and to the point. You don't want to seem evasive, leaving out large chunks, but they don't need to know what shirt you were wearing or exactly what you did when you played hooky and got caught. Just tell your story in a basic, no-frills way, letting them ask questions if they have them. If you're requesting help or a favor of any type remember this simple 3-part request:
- Tell them the problem that needs to be solved. If possible, show them how the problem affects them. This could be "I cant afford to get in trouble" or "there is no product for young users."
- Show them a proposed "solution." Again, show how they can make it a reality, coming with ideas, not just issues.
- Give them proof of your future "success." Let them see why supporting, helping, or not punishing you will lead to a better world for both you and them.^{[8]
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Keep the mood light, even in difficult conversations. Again, smooth talk is about easing your way in and out of the conversation, not rocking the boat and making a scene. A few jokes, light laughs (even at your own expense), and small smiles will keep everyone at ease and make it much easier to make your request, ask forgiveness.
- "Okay, I admit that I may have had a temporary case of "bone headedness," but we both know that I have been reliable, professional, and helpful ever since I started."
- Remember to make eye contact when talking -- this builds trust and companionship.
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Thank them for any help they do offer. If your smooth talking works, then thank them profusely and let them know that they should come to you if they need any help. Building up strong, lasting relationships now makes smooth talking easier in the future, so don't just take your "victory" and dash -- it will come back to bite you next time you're around.^{[10]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Smooth Talking Potential Dates

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Begin with open, flirty body language and a big smile. These are the real keys of successful smooth talking and flirting -- a genuine smile and open body language. Some researchers even believe that the single most effective move you can make is to look a girl or guy in the eye and smile.^{[11]
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Research source} To keep things smooth, also focus on:
- Keeping your chin up.
- Shoulders back, chest out.
- Spine up straight when either sitting or standing.
2
Use a calm confident tone, instead of trying to find the "perfect words." There is no script or playbook that you can use every time to be a smooth talker. What actually matters is not what you're saying but how it's said, and that is luckily easy to control. You should:
- Use clear sentences. Speak slowly to avoid mumbling.
- Hold solid eye contact, smiling, and nodding when listening or talking.
- Keep up a slight smile up when speaking, unless the conversation turns to something more serious.
- Talk to everyone around you, not just him/her. Confident people happily chat with everyone.^{[12]
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3
Ask questions and listen intently to find out what conversation they care about. Conversation is about finding common ground and building a good relationship from there. Smooth talk is no different -- you just want to take a step back and let him/her show you their interests. Once you know what they are interested in, you can start tailoring your conversation to fit both of your shared interests. In reality, smooth talk for dating is much more about listening than saying anything.
- "What do you love to do that is not work?"
- "What brings you here?"
4
Share information and stories about yourself, creating openness and honestly. You shouldn't tell everything, but you do need to give a little information to get a little. More than not, this happens naturally, but when you're trying to smooth talk it often gets tempting just to keep on talking. While you should feel free to be yourself and tell stories, try to limit yourself to under a minute of talking at any one time -- smooth talking is about listening, remember. When you wrap up stories, try to turn them into questions:
- "Have you ever heard of something like that?"
- "That's my embarrassing middle school band story -- did you ever play any instruments?"
- "Anyway... that's my job, and it feel really fulfilling. But I want to hear more about you!"^{[13]
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Give him or her space instead of lunging in for the romance immediately. The biggest problem when most people "smooth talk" dates is that they come off as creepy, desperate, or for better or for worse, "practiced." Real smooth talkers never appear to want anything at all -- they are relaxed, calm, and in control -- and this is a really appealing quality when so many people use pick-up lines and weird tactics to meet dates. So hold back, focus on the conversation and don't feel like you need to "make a move" or risk losing him or her.
- Keep some distance -- you should be able to hear each other talk, but you don't want to press up close right off the bat.
- If he or she is scooting closer as you talk, and you feel comfortable moving forward, you should feel free to move closer as well.
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Know when to make a move. Smooth talking a date is about getting to know her and searching for a spark. But how do you know when you've found it? While everyone is different, and this list is by no means exhaustive, the following cues generally mean you should ask her to dance, tell him that he should kiss you, or offer to exchange numbers. A general feeling of connection or "gut feeling", though hard to describe, does mean something, so trust yourself!
- Looking at your lips
- Breaking the "touch barrier" by stroking your arm, shoulder, back, etc.
- Asking if you've got plans soon, or are free later
- "I'm having a really great time getting

Community Q&A

Question

What if my date keeps texting on every date we go on?

Community Answer

That's very impolite. You may find helpful advice in Persuade Someone to Stop Using Their Cellphone During Lunch With You.

Warnings

Never lie if you could get in trouble with the law. It is best to own up and I am not going to contradict you about doing wrong in the first place, because when you are looking online for help you've probably already done it. Just be more careful next time. If you're caught more than once, your reputation really drops.

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