How to React When Being Caught Doing Something Wrong

Co-authored by Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP

Last Updated: January 31, 2023

Oops. You just got caught doing something you shouldn't have. What should you do? While we all make mistakes, knowing how to handle yourself when you are caught can mean the difference between a good laugh and a weekend in detention. Learn how to read the situation and choose how best to handle a moment when you've been caught doing something wrong.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Owning Up to Your Mistake

1
Admit that you did something wrong. If you know you've made a mistake and you've been caught, the best course of action is often to just admit it.^{[1]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source} Don't feel like you need to go into detail about it. Just stay calm, and speak matter-of-factly about the situation. Your reaction to being caught may have an impact on your punishment; you don't want to make things worse.
- Don't try and justify your actions. Say, "I know what I did was wrong, and I'm sorry."
- Saying as few words as possible in a serious tone is usually the right tactic. The sooner the interaction is over, the sooner you can put it behind you.
2
Let the person who caught you have their say. Whether it's your parents, a teacher, or someone else who caught you, let them react the way they want to. Don't cut them off; it is important that they feel like they are being heard. If you interrupt, it may appear as though you don't feel sorry for your mistake.
- You may want to solemnly nod your head as the person who caught you tells you what they think. This will make you seem more contrite.
- It's good to act sorry, but don't go overboard. Crying or yelling dramatically probably won't seem genuine under these circumstances.
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3
Explain your side of the story. If you think it would help, you can explain why you did what you did. For example, if your mom caught you looking at a website that's banned in your house, tell her that your curiosity got the best of you. Tell her that it's difficult to keep yourself from exploring the internet, but you'll try hard not to let it happen again.
- In some cases, explaining your side of the situation could backfire. For example, if your teacher caught you cheating on a test, telling him that you forgot to study probably won't help your case. Under these circumstances, it's best to stay quiet.
- Try to reflect on what you did as well. Were you angry and trying to get revenge? What did that accomplish?^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist
  Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.}
4
Accept your punishment with grace. Actions have consequences; accepting them is a sign of good character. If you knew what you were doing was wrong, it's probably best to deal with the punishment instead of trying to resist it. Tell the your parent or teacher that you accept the punishment and will fulfill the requirements as soon as possible.
- In some cases you may not accept the punishment; you may feel it is unfair. Weigh the pros and cons of resisting. If you refuse the punishment, will it make things worse for you? Will it be worth it to take a principled stand? Only you can decide. You can either swallow the punishment and move on, or stand up for yourself and possibly face more extreme consequences.
- Think about what you should do in similar situations in the future. If possible, try to develop and engage with coping strategies that will help you avoid repeating the same mistakes.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist
  Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.}
5
Seek outside advice when needed. Getting caught for a minor mistake is one thing; getting caught doing something illegal is an entirely different matter. If you were caught doing something against the law, it's best to involve your parents instead of trying to handle the situation by yourself.
- If you were caught by a police officer or another authority, call your parents right away.
- If you were caught at school, it's also important to involve your parents immediately.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Apologizing When You Hurt Someone

1
Be sincere. If you were caught doing something that hurt someone else, an apology is probably in order. Tell the person that you sincerely regret hurting them. Don't add a "but" to the end of the apology. If you start making excuses, it weakens the effect.^{[4]
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Research source}
- If you don't feel sorry, that's a different matter. Don't apologize unless you genuinely feel you owe the person an apology.
- You may need a few days to process what happened before you're able to form a sincere apology.
2
Hear the other person out. The other person may cry, feel angry, or give you the cold shoulder in reaction to what they caught you doing. They have a right to express their feelings. Do what you can to be supportive until the strong feelings subside.
- While it is important that the other person feel like they have their say, don't let your mistake become an occasion for dredging up past wrongs or dwelling on the injury.
- On the other hand, it is important that we do not impose our standards on someone else. Do not say, "you should be over this by now." Be sensitive to the other person's needs while keeping in mind the need to move on.
3
Get outside help if needed. Sometimes a mistake, even unintentional, can tear apart a relationship; it might take more than the two people involved to fix it. Find an objective third party, one whom both people trust, to play mediator.
- This could be a mutual friend or family member who's equally close to both people.
- You could also go to a counselor to help you solve the issue.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Making an Excuse

1
Stay calm. Don't let your emotions become the story by blowing your top or breaking down in tears; if you overreact, you'll only end up embarrassing yourself and end up digging a deeper hole. If you stay calm, chances are high that those around you will stay calm as well.
- Even if you know what you did was wrong, don't reveal it by showing strong emotion.
- Try taking a few deep breaths before you say anything.
2
Don't react to the mistake. Have you ever seen a performance, and known that a performer made a mistake, only by the way the performer reacted to it? There is a chance that no one but you knows what went wrong, but if you react to the mistake then everyone will know. Pretend instead that it was all part of the plan.
- For example, if your parents accuse you of staying out past curfew, act like you didn't realize it had gotten so late.
- Keep a straight face, and act slightly surprised if they push the issue.
3
Pick a good story. A good explanation of why you were doing what you were doing determines whether it is believable or not. In forming a good story, consider these factors:
- Keep it simple. Don't make up something that sounds extraordinary. For example, if you were out past curfew, you could say you kept hitting red lights.^{[5]
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  Research source}
- Make sure it is a story you can stick to. Changing your story is one of the biggest signs that you were lying.
4
Don't make a habit of lying. Maybe a good story will help you cover your tracks the first time, but eventually you'll be seen as someone who isn't trustworthy. When you're caught doing something wrong, it's usually best to own up to it.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you calm down when you did something wrong?

Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP
Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist
Dr. Nicole Lippman-Barile is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner (NTP) who practices in New York. As a psychologist, she specializes in treating anxiety and mood disorders, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and related compulsive disorders. As a nutritional therapist, Dr. Lippman-Barile specializes in treating blood sugar dysregulation, digestive health, and mood disorders related to food. She holds a PhD in Clinical Psychology from Hofstra University and a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner Certification from the Nutritional Therapy Association.

Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP

Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist

Expert Answer

Try to humanize your situation. Remember that we all make mistakes all the time, so cut yourself some slack for making something wrong. That said, reflect on why you decided to engage in that behavior and try to avoid repeating the same mistakes.
Question

What if I overslept for work and got fired?

Community Answer

Just be more responsible next time. You know where you went wrong, so just learn from your mistake and be careful not to repeat it.
Question

I know lying will get me nowhere, but neither will the truth, because the truth doesn't make sense. There are bad consequences either way, what should I do?

Community Answer

Even though you will have a bad consequence either way, you should tell the truth. This is best for your reputation and your conscience. If necessary, make sure to give a heartfelt apology so the person knows you are serious and telling the truth.