How to Prepare for Your First Kiss

Co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Your first kiss can be one of the most exciting and nerve-wracking experiences of your life. While preparing yourself for your first kiss isn’t always a piece of cake, it’s certainly better than suffering the consequences of an ill-prepared one.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Preparing Physically

1
Practice kissing. This may sound silly, but practice pursing your lips. When you kiss, you don’t want them to be tightly pursed, as though you were kissing your grandma. On the other hand, you don't want them to be too relaxed either.
- Ideally, the first kiss will be soft but firm and passionate.
2
Practice good oral hygiene. Having a clean, healthy mouth will make you more kissable. Having visibly dirty teeth and bad breath will likely keep people from wanting to kiss you.
- Make sure you brush twice each day, and floss at least once. It is good to get in this habit not only for your first kiss, but for your own health as well.
- Have breath mints handy so you can toss one in your mouth if you end up eating or drinking before the time you plan to kiss the other person.
- Don’t chew gum. Although it will give you fresh breath, having gum in your mouth during your first kiss can make it more difficult to enjoy the moment because you will have to worry about where the gum is in your mouth.
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3
Have moist lips. If your lips are chapped and dry, the kiss will be less comfortable for both of you. Use a lip moisturizer, such as vaseline, regularly.
- If you are a girl, avoid sticky lip glosses. The person kissing you may find it weird and unenjoyable if your lips are very sticky and messy.
4
Find the right moment. This is probably the hardest part of any first kiss. However, if you want to kiss the person you are with, look for signs that he or she wants to kiss you, too. Often, a good time is if you’ve been spending some time together alone, having good conversation.
- Are they making a lot of eye contact? Obviously, this doesn’t always mean they want to kiss you, but if they make a lot of eye contact, they at least find you interesting. If they want to kiss you, often they will be staring into your eyes or looking at your lips.
- What does their body language say? If they have their arms folded across their chest, then they probably don’t want a kiss; however, if they have their body angled towards you, are sitting or standing close to you with arms open, then it’s likely a good bet.
Tip: Remember that this moment could be planned or it could happen spontaneously. Try to stay calm and go with the flow. There are certain moments where it is more likely. For example, if it is the end of the night just before you both go home, or if you are alone in a quiet moment.
5
Keep your eyes closed. Although it is OK to take a quick peek every now and then, it is usually better to keep your eyes closed. If your partner realizes you have your eyes open, he/she might feel uncomfortable.
- It will also help you to relax if your eyes are closed.
6
Avoid rushing. When the kiss happens, don’t immediately try to stick your tongue in his/her mouth. Instead, start out by gently kissing with just your lips, and if the kiss continues to that, proceed slowly. There is no need to rush when it comes to kissing.
7
Relax. The worst thing you can do is to over think your first kiss. Remember that no matter what happens, it is only one kiss, and there will be many others. Once you get the first kiss out of the way, you can practice getting better at it.
- Enjoy the moment! You only get one first kiss, and you will likely remember it for your entire life.
- Be present during the kiss. Don’t start thinking about how you can’t wait to tell your friends or write about it in your diary. Simply enjoy it.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Preparing Mentally

1
Decide that you are ready. Think about why you want to experience your first kiss? Is it because you think you have to in order to be “cool”? Or, is it because you feel that you actually want to have this experience?
- There might be many reasons you want to experience your first kiss, but in general it is a good idea to wait until you feel ready for it.
2
Decide who you want to kiss. Choose someone that you feel comfortable with, and who wants to kiss you back. Typically, this will be your boyfriend or girlfriend, but in some cases it may also be a close friend who wants to have the experience too. Whoever it is, it will be more enjoyable if it is someone you trust and feel comfortable with.
- Although the cutest girl or boy in school might be an obvious choice, it doesn’t mean they are the best choice. You should choose someone you find attractive on the inside as much as the outside.
3
Talk with trusted friends. Ask trusted friends about their first kiss, and how they prepared themselves. Ask them what advice they can give you. If you feel comfortable doing so, you can also discuss it with your parents.
- Don't be afraid to ask questions. Almost every one can remember the nervousness and worries they had before their first kiss.
4
Ignore negative thoughts. It's likely that you will be worrying about all the things that could go wrong during your first kiss. Ignore these thoughts.^{[1]
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Research source} Instead, let yourself think only positive thoughts.
- For example, you can think about how you've taken good care of your lips and mouth, making you very kissable. You can think about how into you the person you will be kissing is, and how romantic it will be.
5
Be confident. Although you will be nervous, remember that you deserve to be kissed! Believe that the kiss will go well, and although it may not go perfectly, it will all be OK.
- Remember that even if it doesn't go perfectly, it is only the first of many.
6
Understand that it is normal to be nervous. Nearly everyone feels nervous when kissing someone for the first time. This is a biological reaction to our excitement, and doesn’t mean anything bad.
- Remember that this also goes for the person kissing you back. It can sometimes be a comfort to remember the other person is also nervous.
- If you do your best to act relaxed about the kiss, it will help your partner relax too, and you can both enjoy it.
7
Keep a sense of humor. Often, the first kiss will be everything you hoped it would be despite the fact that it didn't go "perfectly". However, if things aren't turning out so well, don't get angry. Instead, pull away from your partner, and smile. It will help both of you relax, and you can try again if you want to.

EXPERT TIP

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Relationship Expert
Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Relationship Expert

Don't worry if it isn't perfect! According to Dr. Chloe Carmichael, a licensed clinical psychologist and relationship coach: "A first kiss can sometimes be a good indicator of how the rest of the relationship will go. But, it's really important not to pin too much meaning on how that kiss goes, because a lot of people can be really shy at first, but once they've gotten comfortable with you, that could change."

Warnings

Don’t pucker your lips. They should be firm, but not puckered.

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Don’t kiss someone who doesn’t want to kiss you back. Hopefully, after following these steps this won’t be a problem. However, in some instances you may try to kiss someone who doesn’t want it. Don’t continue to try and kiss them! It will feel awkward, but simply apologize and walk away.

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