How to Know if a Girl Is Serious About You

Co-authored by Cher Gopman and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: November 22, 2022 References

Are you ready for the next steps in a relationship but aren't sure if the girl you like is on the same page? Some girls will tell you how they feel right away, but your partner might let you know she’s invested in a more subtle way. Fortunately, there are some common things you can look out for to get a better idea of how she feels.

Here are 12 signs that a girl is serious about your relationship.

1

She responds quickly to your messages.

A girl won’t waste time ghosting you when she wants to get serious. Pay attention to how long it takes her to get back to your messages. While you shouldn’t expect her to text or call you right away, she’ll at least respond as soon as she can. Someone who’s serious about you won’t want to keep you guessing because they’ll be excited to keep talking with you.^{[1]
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- If she doesn’t respond for days at a time or doesn't seem invested in the conversation, then she might want to keep it casual.

2

She remembers the little details.

Even if you mention something small in passing, she’ll pay attention. See if she’s giving you her full attention without any distractions as you’re talking to her. If she’s listening closely, she’ll remember the things that are important to you and keep them in mind for the future. Notice when she brings up the topic again or surprises you with something you talked about in passing since it means she’s attentive and cares about the things that matter to you.^{[2]
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- For example, if you mention that you love ice cream but you’re lactose intolerant, she may surprise you with a dairy-free version of your favorite flavor.
- As another example, if you tell her that your mom is having surgery, she’ll ask about how she’s recovering.
- Some people don’t have as good of memory, so don’t get discouraged if they don’t remember every little thing you’ve brought up.

3

She starts deep conversations with you.

She’ll want to learn more about you and your beliefs if she’s interested. Rather than bringing up casual topics like the news or work, listen to see if she asks about your past or family. She might also try to find out more about your goals and what you want out of the future. If you hear her mention things about marriage or kids, it could even be a sign she’s looking to settle down.^{[3]
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- If she’s really invested in you, she’ll initiate conversations frequently. Make sure you also talk about deep topics too so it doesn’t feel one-sided.
- You should feel comfortable expressing your personal views and beliefs around her. She doesn’t have to agree with everything the same way you do, but she should be open to your perspective.^{[4]
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4

She encourages and supports you.

She wants to see you happy too, so she’ll cheer you on. When you’re passionate about something, see if she’s by your side and being supportive. Listen for words of encouragement, pep talks, or any offers for how she can help out. Someone who cares about your goals wants you to succeed, so they’ll do whatever they can to help you fulfill your dreams.^{[5]
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- If you feel frustrated, see if she offers positive reinforcement to boost your self-esteem and make you feel good about yourself.^{[6]
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5

She likes sharing personal space.

Does she like to be in the same room even if you’re doing something else? If she wants to feel closer to you, she’ll find ways to see you in person and spend time together. Even if you’re cooking, working, or just relaxing, she’ll still feel excited to share a space with you.^{[7]
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Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}
- Remember that it’s okay if you don’t want to be in the same space as someone else. Everyone needs their alone time and she’ll respect that if you just ask.

6

She shows you physical intimacy.

Cuddling and hand-holding helps build your bond even stronger. Notice when she scoots closer to you, cuddles with you, reaches for your hand, or hugs you. Even if it’s not sexual, a girl who’s interested in you wants you to show that they care, so they’ll feel more comfortable with public displays of affection.^{[9]
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- Some people have different boundaries than others, so they might not feel as comfortable being touchy-feely in public. However, if it’s persistent, it could be a sign that they aren’t as interested.

7

She says “we” instead of “I.”

“We” shows that she’s invested in your future together. During casual conversation, see if she refers to herself individually or to you as a couple.^{[10]
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- For example, when she’s talking to her friends about your relationship, she may say, “We had such a fun time this weekend,” rather than, “I had a lot of fun this weekend with him.”

8

She plans her time around your schedule.

If she’s actively finding ways to get together, it’s a sign she’s serious. Rather than coming up with things last minute, she’ll ask what you want to do together in advance. She may try finding out when you’re free so she’s able to work around your schedule and come with a few things to do. While you don’t have to spend every night together, it’s a good indicator if she’s searching for ways to see you more often.^{[12]
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- For example, if you say you have to go grocery shopping, she might ask if she can come with you so you can buy ingredients and cook a meal together.
- She may also turn down going out with friends to spend more time with you if she’s invested in your relationship.

9

She includes you when making decisions.

She’ll ask for your opinions and input even for small choices. It may be something as small as what outfit she should wear or as big as a career change, but check if she asks about your thoughts. That means she values your opinion and how the decision affects you as a couple. While she can still make decisions on her own, she cares and wants you to feel heard in the relationship.^{[13]
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- Be wary of controlling behavior if she makes choices that you’re not comfortable with. Make sure you voice your concerns right away.^{[14]
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10

She leaves things at your place.

If she knows she’ll be visiting you a lot, she may keep some things there. Listen to see if she asks about keeping some clothes, a toothbrush, or shower products at your place. Since she’s leaving things with you, she expects to visit frequently enough to use them and is invested in the relationship.^{[15]
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- If you want to test the waters, try getting her a toothbrush or something small to keep at your place. Even something small can be a huge gesture and let her know you’re serious about the relationship too.

11

She introduces you to friends and family.

Meeting the people close to her means you’re an important part of her life. See if she suggests going out with some of her friends or to a family gathering. That way, you take your relationship to the next level by meeting her loved ones so they can give her their honest opinions about you. If you still haven’t met anyone, you can always ask her directly to see if they want to get together.^{[16]
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- Show her off to your friends and family if you’re serious about the relationship too.
- It might be tougher to meet her friends and family if they live out of town, but she may offer to call or video-chat with them.
- If she actively avoids introducing you to anyone that’s close to her, it might be a sign that she doesn’t see your relationship as long-term.

12

She tells you directly

Some people might be confident enough to say exactly how they’re feeling. If she’s really serious, she may reach out to you and have a conversation about the relationship’s next steps. Listen to her and let her explain how she feels so you get a good idea of what she’s looking for from the relationship. She may ask to keep it exclusive or see if you’re having similar feelings.^{[17]
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Cher Gopman
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Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}
- If you’re still unsure and you want to start getting serious, don’t be afraid to bring it up yourself.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I tell if a girl likes me based on body language?

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

If she's leaning in to talk to you, she goes out of her way to be close to you, or she finds reasons to "accidentally" touch you, it's a good sign that she's interested in you romantically.
Question

She says she loves me but it doesn't always feel like it. Why?

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

People show their affection in all sorts of different ways. Some people express their love through physical touch, while others identify more with giving, or words of affirmation. If she says she loves you but it doesn't feel like it all of the time, try to look for those little signs you may be missing. She may be expressing her love without you really picking up on it!

Warnings

If she tells you that she’s not looking for anything serious directly, take her word for it and don’t get upset if she doesn’t want a committed relationship.^{[21]
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Watch out for relationship red flags, such as her not being present when you’re together, not wanting to meet your friends or family, or refusing to talk about the future.^{[22]
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