How to Develop a Good Personality

Co-authored by Jessica Elliott, ACC, CEC

Last Updated: April 16, 2021 References Approved

There isn’t really such a thing as having an objectively good personality. Everyone likes different types of people. The key is building a personality that you can feel proud of and confident in. You want a personality that will attract the type of people that you like. Developing your personality will take time and consistent effort, just like making any other major lifestyle change. You will need to form new beliefs over time, and put those beliefs into action until they become habits.^{[1]
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Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Developing Good Personality Characteristics

1
Figure out what “personality” means to you. Most people define personality as the collection of mental and behavioral traits that make you who you are. These are your enduring characteristics and tendencies to consistently think, behave, and feel in certain ways. While some of your personality is defined by your genetics and your early experiences, it is possible to change your beliefs and behaviors over time to a certain extent.^{[2]
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2
Remain happy and lighthearted. Try to see the joy in the world. Laugh with others, but not at them. Everyone appreciates someone who is jolly and jovial. Smiling and laughing a lot is a huge part of having a good personality.

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3
Try to stay calm in tense situations. A lot of people seem like they have a good personality until you see them in an emergency or tense situation. Then they lose their cool. Don’t be this person! If you are in a tense situation, try to remain relaxed and see what you can do to resolve the situation.
- For example, let’s say your car breaks down on the highway and you’re going to be late to work. Don’t start yelling and screaming – that’s not going to fix anything. Keep your mind clear and start developing a plan to solve the problem.
4
Keep an open mind. One important part of having a good personality is being willing to change your worldview.^{[3]
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Research source} Listen to others and always be willing to change your mind.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Jessica Elliott, ACC, CEC
Certified Executive Coach
Expert Interview. 12 February 2020.} Don’t pass judgment on other people just because they act in a different way than you do. Keeping an open mind will allow you to make many new friends and probably live a much more interesting life. There’s no need to shut off parts of the world.
- Getting out of your comfort zone and experiencing new things can help you become more open-minded and develop new beliefs and habits.
5
Develop modesty. You could be the most talented, extraordinary person in the world, but if you don’t have any modesty than you probably won’t have a good personality. Always keep yourself level and balanced. Nobody likes a big ego.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Caring for Others

1
Learn to love other people. Many bad personalities develop because people do not want to forgive each other and find themselves overwhelmed with hate and anger. Try to find love for everyone.^{[5]
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Ask questions. Being an inquisitive person is part about caring for other people, and it will also make you a more interesting person in turn. Try to find out what others find interesting and important. You’ll learn a lot and you’ll help them feel valued.
3
Remain loyal. Don’t betray those who are close to you. Your loved ones will appreciate you more and more if you remain loyal. Stick with the people you love through thick and thin. You can push through a rocky part in your relationship if you remain loyal to the person.
4
Offer support and guidance. Don’t try to act like you know everything, but always try to offer a helping hand to people when possible.^{[6]
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Research source} This could be something as simple as helping a friend move out of their house or offering more involved support, like life guidance. Offer whatever insight you may have, but don’t try to sway them too far in one direction. Respect people’s decisions and opinions.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Building Confidence in Your Personality

1
Think positive thoughts, both about yourself and others. The thoughts that we think soon turn into the words we say and the actions we take. Having good thoughts about yourself gives you self-confidence and self-respect: hallmarks of any good personality. Once you become aware of your own thoughts, the process of guiding them in the right direction through positive thoughts will become effortless.^{[7]
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2
Show your true self. We often come across opportunities in our day-to-day life to express our personality. Do it! Don’t try to fall in line with the crowd. Having a good personality doesn’t mean that you are like everyone else.^{[8]
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Research source} For example, if you are in a conversation with a group or an individual, try not to just constantly agree with everything that they say. Insert your own opinions and stories in a respectful and engaging way.
- Always act like yourself. People are drawn to others who act real. If you are putting on a front, it will be easy to tell.
- In order to be your true self around others, you’ll have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. This means being willing to open up to others about your fears, desires, strengths, and weaknesses.^{[9]
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3
Focus on the good parts of your personality. It’s easy to get down on the parts of your personality that you need to work on. Try to avoid that. Pay attention to the parts of your personality that you think appeal to other people and try to showcase those.^{[10]
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4
Commit to working on the parts of your personality that you don’t like. Maybe you think you talk about yourself too much, or that you become impatient too quickly. It’s important to recognize these things, but not to hate yourself for them. Try to pay attention to the way you are acting. The next time you start acting impatient, you can catch yourself and try to respond differently to the situation.^{[11]
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Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Developing Your Interests

1
Pay attention to the traits of people you admire. These could be people you know personally, people in your family history that you’ve heard a lot about, or famous personalities that you look up to. Examine what they believe about the world and about themselves, and consider trying to adopt similar beliefs.
- If you know the person, have a conversation with them about their beliefs and attitudes. Ask them about how they came to believe what they did, and how they act on their beliefs.
- If you don’t know the person, read biographies, watch them in interviews, or talk to people who know (or knew) them personally to find out more about their beliefs and actions.
2
Try to figure out who you are. Look deep inside yourself and think about who you are. It's one of the most difficult things to do, but it is also really important. Try to sort out the difference between the ways you act and your real personality.
- Start by examining your beliefs and values. It can be hard to change your beliefs and the behaviors that stem from them until you know what those beliefs are. Look at how you act, and think about how those actions relate to your personal values.
3
Decide what matters to you. Remember, it’s a lot harder to find out what matters to you if you aren’t even sure who you really are yet. Don’t choose the things that matter to you just because other people told you they were important. Find out where your true heart lies.
- Maybe you’ve always liked playing soccer because your dad really likes soccer. Or maybe you have always supported a certain political party because your friends support that party. Try to figure out the way you really feel.
4
Develop hobbies. Having hobbies is a big part of having a good personality. You want to be a well-rounded person, not a cliché. Try to throw yourself into the things that you enjoy doing. You don’t even need to be good at them – just passionate.^{[12]
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5
Have an opinion. Having opinions is an important part of having a good personality. You don’t want to be just a nodding automaton. You naturally should have opinions anyways, but sometimes people suppress their opinions to avoid conflict. Don’t be obnoxious about your opinions; just be well-informed and willing to change your mind. Don’t be afraid to ask others their views and share your own.^{[13]
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6
Spend time doing the things that matter to you. Whether it’s playing the guitar, reading the news, or learning how to fly a plane, if you enjoy it, then it’s worth spending time doing. The more time you spend doing things, the more knowledgeable you’ll become. Do this for yourself, not so that other people think it is cool that you play the guitar.^{[14]
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Expert Source

Jessica Elliott, ACC, CEC
Certified Executive Coach
Expert Interview. 12 February 2020.}

Expert Q&A
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Question

How can I improve my personality?

Jessica Elliott, ACC, CEC
Certified Executive Coach
Jessica Elliott is a Certified Executive Coach and multi-passionate entrepreneur. She's the founder of LIFETOX, where she hosts mindful experiences and retreats, and J Elliott Coaching, which she provides executive consulting for professionals, teams, and organizations. Jessica has had over fifteen years experience as an entrepreneur and over five years of executive coaching experience. She received her ACC (Associate Certified Coach) accreditation through the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and her CEC (Certified Executive Coach) accreditation through Royal Roads University.

Jessica Elliott, ACC, CEC

Certified Executive Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Be open to a lot of different experiences so you can find things that are enriching and support your own personal growth.
Question

Is mental development necessary for developing a good personality?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Yes, beliefs are a big part of personality and need to be addressed if one is to alter their personality.
Question

How can I avoid becoming sad?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Examine the beliefs that are making you sad. Sometimes these beliefs are not accurate, and sometimes they are. If accurate, then try to change them by yourself or with the help of a professional. Also, find things that make you feel happy or content and focus on those more.