How to Comfort a Depressed Friend over Text

Co-authored by Jessica George, MA, CHt and Madeleine Criglow

Last Updated: September 7, 2022 References

If you have a friend that's dealing with depression, you likely really want to help them out. Texting someone is one way to show your support, and it's proven to make a difference. One study found that receiving frequent supportive texts elevated the moods of depressed people and provided meaningful support.^{[1]
X
Research source} If you're looking for texts you can send to a depressed friend, this article has a list of things you can say to let them know that you're there for them.

1

"I'm here if you need me."

This might make your friend feel more comfortable reaching out.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Jessica George, MA, CHt
Certified Professional Master Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.} People experiencing depression often feel isolated from their friends and family and may struggle to seek the support they need. Text your friend that you're always there for them so that they feel less alone and know they can go to you when they're struggling.^{[3]
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Research source}
- Alternatively, you might say, "I'm here for you no matter what" or "You've always got me 😊"^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Jessica George, MA, CHt
  Certified Professional Master Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.}

2

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Your friend might be afraid to ask for help, even when they need it. Ask them directly so that they don't have to ask themselves.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Jessica George, MA, CHt
Certified Professional Master Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.} This gesture will mean a lot to your friend, even if there's nothing you can do right now.^{[6]
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- Your friend might need help getting up in the morning for work or making appointments with a therapist. To help, you might send them a good morning text each day or sit next to them when they call to schedule appointments on the phone.^{[7]
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3

"We don't have to talk about it, but I'm here if you change your mind."

Your friend might not be ready to talk about their feelings. Putting pressure on them might make them feel anxious, so let them know they don't have to just yet.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Jessica George, MA, CHt
Certified Professional Master Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.} Hearing that you'll be there when they're ready will make them feel a lot more comfortable and understood.^{[9]
X
Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- You can also try, "No pressure to respond, but I'm always here if you want someone to talk to."
- Your friend will really appreciate knowing that they have someone who will listen to them when they're ready.

4

"Look at this picture I found! This was such a fun day."

Text your friend a picture of the two of you having a great time. If your friend is struggling with depression, they might have a hard time remembering the good times they've had. They might also feel convinced that their friends don't enjoy their company anymore, even when that's not true at all. Show them how much you appreciate the times you've had by sharing a happy memory like this.
- You might try a picture of the two of you on a fun hiking trip or an old photobooth picture from a great time out on the town.
- You could even add something like, "Can't wait to do this again!" This will let them know that you're excited to keep making plans and hang out more in the future.

5

"My favorite thing about you is..."

Let your friend know what you love about them. Depression can trigger a lot of self-doubts. Your friend might be struggling with their self-esteem or worrying that you don't like them anymore. Make sure that they know how much you love them with a reassuring compliment. It'll bring a smile to your friend's face and make them feel appreciated.^{[10]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- You might text, "You've got the best sense of humor. I'm still laughing about what you said at work the other day lol" or "You're such a talented artist! Seeing your paintings makes my day."

6

"I thought you would think this is funny."

Send over a meme, a cute animal picture, or a humorous GIF. Your friend might just need a break to laugh and be a little silly with you. Even if they're struggling, they'll appreciate your effort to make them smile.^{[11]
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- You might try a funny meme that appeals to your friend's sense of humor, a picture of a cute animal (the internet is brimming with cute puppy and kitten pictures), or a GIF from their favorite TV show.
- Whatever you decide to send, keep the humor lighthearted and positive.

7

"I just want you to know that I love and appreciate you."

Remind your friend that no matter what, you really care about them.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Jessica George, MA, CHt
Certified Professional Master Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.} It can be super hard to remember that there are people out there that love you when you're in the throes of depression. Send frequent reminders to your friend so that it's impossible for them to forget.^{[13]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- You might also try simply, "I love you!" or "You are the best. Never forget that!"

8

"You're such an amazing friend."

Your friend might worry that their depression is affecting your friendship. When you're dealing with depression, it can be pretty hard to reach out and make plans with your friends.^{[14]
X
Trustworthy Source
Cleveland Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source} Make your friend's doubts subside by letting them know that you cherish their friendship, even if you haven't been able to see each other as much lately.
- You might also try, "You've always been there for me. You are a true friend" or "I've never had a friend like you before. I'm so lucky!"

9

"There's food on the way!"

What's a better way to comfort someone than comfort food? If you're able, send over takeout from your friend's favorite restaurant. This is a great way to be there for your friend if they're not up for hanging out right now. They'll appreciate the gesture and the scrumptious, comfort food will likely really lift their spirits.^{[15]
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- Add another message like, "Just wanted to show you how much I care about you" or "Anything for my BFF!"
- To make sure this works according to plan, make sure they're home to pick up the food.

10

"I know this is hard right now, but there are resources out there that can help."

Your friend might need encouragement to seek professional help. To work through serious depression, people often need to talk to a mental health professional like a therapist or a counselor. Gently remind your friend that there are resources out there to help them through the worst of their depression and get on the other side. ^{[16]
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- Try this option if you notice your friend's depression is worsening. This might look like isolating themselves from your friend group, a loss of interest in things that used to make them happy, and thoughts of suicide.^{[17]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Cleveland Clinic
  Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
  Go to source}
- To make things easier, you might offer to help them search online for a mental health professional or drive them to their first appointment.^{[18]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  Go to source}
- Remember to ask if they want to make things better. Some people do, and some just want to wait until the fog clears. It is important to make sure that people are ready to hear what you have to offer them in a non-judgemental way.^{[19]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Jessica George, MA, CHt
  Certified Professional Master Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 11 February 2022.}

11

"Can I call you?"

Your friend might need a listening ear on the other line. If they seem pretty down or in need of some comfort, text them that you'd be happy to talk on the phone. Even if they would rather not, they'll appreciate the offer and will likely feel less alone.^{[20]
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- Alternatively, ask if they would like to do a video call. You might say something like, "I'm free tonight if you want to FaceTime and watch a movie together or something 😊"

12

"You think I can come over?"

Show your friend that you're always happy to be by their side. Depression can make people have a hard time making plans, even when they want nothing more than to spend time with their friends. Make this easier for your friend by offering to come over and hang out. Your friend may not be up for it, but it'll make them feel better to know that you're willing to show up for them like this.^{[21]
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- You might say something like, "We don't have to talk about anything serious if you don't want to. I'd be down to just watch a silly movie or something!"

Expert Q&A

Question

What makes a caring friend?

Jessica George, MA, CHt
Certified Professional Master Life Coach
Jessica George is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Professional Master Life Coach, and Co-Founder of Evolve Therapy Coaching based in Glendale, California. With more than 20 years of experience, she specializes in hybrid therapy and coaching services, couples counseling, and clinical hypnotherapy. Jessica holds a Bachelor’s degree from The University of California, Santa Barbara and an MA in Counseling Psychology and Talk Therapy from Ryokan College. Jessica is trained in the Imago technique and the Gottman method for couples therapy. She also earned a Professional Life-Coach Certification from The Fowler Academy and an Infinite Possibilities Relationship Certification. She is a member of the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners (IBCP).

Jessica George, MA, CHt

Certified Professional Master Life Coach

Expert Answer

Caring friends provide a safe space for their friends to be helped and heard. They're able gauge if their friends need advice, or if they just need a shoulder to cry on.

Warnings

If your friend is in crisis or is expressing thoughts of suicide, call a crisis line to get them the help that they need. To reach the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, call or text 988. Tell a friend or family member that you trust about the situation, too.^{[22]
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No matter how much you want to help your friend, it's important for you to set boundaries. Practice self-care and don't be too hard on yourself if you don't always know what to say or need some space sometimes.^{[23]
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