How to Caress

Co-authored by Stefanie Safran and Caroline Heiderscheit

Last Updated: July 29, 2022 References

Caresses can be an amazing way to bond, experience pleasure, or enjoy some foreplay. You may have already heard that sensual caressing feels great, but maybe you're stressing out over other unanswered questions. Like, for instance, how should you initiate a caress? Or, how exactly are you supposed to touch them? Don't stress. We've got you covered! For everything you need to know on how to caress, read on.

1

Move your fingers slowly at first.

A quick tempo can make caressing more distracting than pleasurable. In the beginning, you should caress at a soft, gentle speed, because the both of you are still getting comfortable. If you’re worried about going too fast, play it safe. Down the line, you can start experimenting with your caress's pace. ^{[1]
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- Try outlining a large circular shape with your fingers at a slower rate.
- Or, caress in a smaller pattern and pick up your speed.
- This is a process of mutual exploration. As long you're both enjoying yourselves and communicating consent, that's what matters most.

2

Touch the other person softly at the beginning.

Most people enjoy gentle, light caresses using the fingertips. Before the two of you start communicating what you like and don't like, it’s best to start with a crowd-pleaser. Soft, sensual caresses are generally appreciated across the board. Be mindful of your fingernails, though. It's easy to accidentally scratch when you're not paying close attention.^{[2]
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- Avoid grabbing at the other person’s body. Instead, use your fingertips or an open palm to lightly feel around.
- If you’re feeling stuck, try softly moving your fingertips in small, circular shapes, figure eights, or simply back and forth.

3

Continue caressing if you notice positive responses.

Nonverbal cues can signal how different caresses feel for the other person. Facial expressions, physical cues, and body motions can send important messages. For instance, positive body language can tell you that this person absolutely loves the way you're touching them. Just remember that no matter what signs you’re seeing in their physicality, it’s much more important to listen to what they tell you.^{[3]
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- Closed eyes, pleasant expressions, and heavy breathing are all great signs. In this case, keep your sensual caresses exactly the same.
- Watch out for head nods and eye contact. This is another signal that your caress is working magic.
- With platonic caresses, a simple smile should tell you everything you need to know. It’s also more likely that your friend would simply tell you.

4

Ask if they like what you’re doing.

Communication leads to a better physical experience almost every time. It may feel daunting to ask for feedback, but trust that it’s worth it. Naturally, it's so much easier to give someone what they want when you're sure about what that is. Plus, you'll notice that when the other person feels great, you'll start to have more fun, too. You can ask generally or for some specifics:^{[4]
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- “Do you like this? Is there anything I can do differently?”
- “How does it feel when I move my fingers like this?”
- “Do you like it when I move my fingers this slow?”

5

Adjust your caresses based on their feedback.

Verbal cues can help you find the perfect speed, location, and intensity to caress. If the other person is responding positively, keep doing what you're doing. Sometimes, when you ask what someone likes, they may be happy to “coach” you through your caressing. Other people may offer commentary here and there but with fewer specifics. Listen carefully, don't take feedback personally, and do your best to adjust.^{[5]
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- Someone may respond with a phrase like, "That's great. Just like that." When you get a positive response, try to keep your movements exactly as they are.
- Other times, someone might ask you to adjust your sensual caressing. They might ask you to touch them lighter, harder, in a new place, or in a new way.
- Listen and adjust to their preferences. This way, you can fine-tune your caresses to exactly what the other person likes best.

6

Continue to explore together.

In nearly every area of the body, a positive caressing experience is possible. Stay communicative, get consent, and enjoy a fun, intimate experience connecting through physical touch. The two of you can decide together where you want your caressing to take you. But if you need some ideas, there are so many spots that are great for pleasure and comfort:^{[6]
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- For pleasure, try caressing the chest, inner and upper thighs, navel, buttocks, and finally, the groin.
- For platonic comfort, go with the back, knees, face, hair, and even feet.

7

Maintain eye contact.

Holding someone's gaze can help you signal interest and connect. When you lock eyes with someone, both your bodies experience arousal, which may help increase sexual tension. Eye contact can also be a great way to bond. That's great news for you! Feeling connected to someone can make sensual caressing feel even more powerful and exciting. Plus, holding long eye contact can be a great way to send a subtle message: I’m interested in getting physical.^{[7]
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- If you’re interested in friendly, non-sexual caressing, eye contact can still foster a connection.

8

Caress the person's face and hair.

You may want to start with casual, romantic caresses. Touching the face and hair is a perfect way to set a romantic tone, raise the sexual tension, and create a connection between you two. Try softly brushing hair behind the ears, holding the face gently, and lightly using your thumb to brush affectionately over the jaw and cheek. These gestures can feel so sweet and comforting; the other person may ask you to never stop!^{[8]
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- If creating sexual excitement is your goal, focus on the ears as well. While you're playing with the hair, lightly brush your fingertips over them.
- If you’re just friends, this can also be a sweet way to bond. Focus on the same gentle movements as mentioned above and consider stroking their hair as well.

9

Feel their lower back and neck.

Light strokes over the neck and back can arouse someone subtly. These are two areas that, again, can be a major source for butterflies. The added benefit to caressing this sexy spot is that you can do it anywhere. Sitting in a restaurant booth with a fabulous date, for example, can be a great place for a sensual caress along the neck and back.^{[9]
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- By lightly brushing your fingertips along the middle of the back, you can go for a platonic, comforting caress instead.

10

Touch their hips, sides, and navel.

Caressing the lower body can give a major boost to sexual pleasure. Once you’ve asked for consent, gently move your hands to the lower abdomen. Lightly hold their hips, brush your fingers over their side, and let your hand move over to their navel occasionally.^{[10]
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- To connect with someone platonically, stick to an arm around the hip. Or, brush your fingers along their sides.
- With friends, definitely avoid touching the navel area. This could read as a sexual touch.

11

Caress their upper and inner thighs.

The thighs are an erogenous zone, so they're extra sensitive to touch. This means that here, your sensual caresses can actually inspire pleasure and sexual arousal in other another person. In less scientific terms, when you lightly brush your hands back and forth over someone's inner thighs, they're sure to feel darn good.^{[11]
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- Just remember, the area you're caressing is very sensitive, so be gentle—unless they ask you not to be.

12

Get consent.

Whether it’s platonic or sexual, a friend or a partner, you need consent. Getting consent doesn’t just mean giving another person the respect they’re entitled to. It’s also a way to ensure both of you are going to have a great time getting physical, because that’s the goal, after all! Here are some examples of ongoing consent:^{[12]
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- “Hey, can I caress you here?”
- “Let me know if you want me to stop.”
- “Can I move my hand over here?”

Expert Q&A
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Question

How do I touch my boyfriend?

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Stefanie Safran

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

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This depends on where your boyfriend likes to be touched. However, if you're on a first date with a guy that you aren't an item with yet, a quick hug at the end of the date is usually considered appropriate.
Question

This boy and I like each other, but we just met last week. So, we're going to be friends for now. But he told me he caressed my hip and I didn't notice. What does it mean if he does? that?

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This means that he softly touched your hip with his hands or fingertips. Caresses can be friendly or romantic, so you may need to ask him about his intentions.
Question

What if my friend hugs and caresses the side of my breast?

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If it's unintentional, you can simply let them know that it's happening. If you're worried that it might be intentional, consider having a conversation with them about the importance of consent.