How to Become a True Alpha Male: Leading with Confidence

Last Updated: December 22, 2022 References

You know of the "alpha male" as the leader of the pack, the guy everyone looks up to. A lot of people think these alpha qualities are innate, but the reality is that anyone can become alpha with the right mix of confidence, discipline, positivity, and empathy. Read on to learn everything you need to know to become a strong, independent alpha who everyone looks up to.

Things You Should Know

Commit to core values and stand up for what you believe is right.
Reach for goals that push you out of your comfort zone and help you grow as a person.
Take care of yourself so people believe you're capable of taking care of others.
Look inward to find happiness and fulfillment.

1

Build your strength and physical wellness.

Treat your body well so it will always perform like you need it to. Focus on being able to do things, rather than looking a certain way.^{[1]
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Trustworthy Source
National Institutes of Health
U.S. government agency for biomedical and public health research
Go to source} Being an alpha isn't about having a muscular physique or being able to benchpress a certain amount of weight—it's about being strong and healthy.
- For example, if you're physically fit, you can help a friend pack up and move without having to take multiple extensive breaks to recover.
- Physical wellness extends to substance use as well. A true alpha doesn't go out binge drinking every weekend and come into work late on Monday morning nursing a hangover.
- If you take care of yourself, others will be more likely to believe you're capable of taking care of others—and taking care of others is one of the main things a real leader does.

2

Express your feelings to a romantic interest openly.

Approach romantic interests with confidence and respect. Assertiveness comes from a place of mutual respect. Because you respect yourself and your romantic interest, you're not going to play games or keep them guessing.^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source} Instead, you're going to tell them how you feel and let them choose what to do with that information.
- If they say "no" or otherwise indicate that they're not interested, a true alpha knows to leave them alone rather than push. You know that rejection is a part of life and you take it in stride.
- If they say "yes," on the other hand, you've set the stage for a potentially healthy and respectful relationship to develop.

3

Identify and live by your core values.

Act according to your core values to enhance your reliability and predictability. An alpha has strong core values. If you haven't figured yours out yet, do some soul searching and make a list of the things that are most important to you. Focus on active values to guide your behavior, such as honesty and responsibility (which are also core alpha traits).^{[3]
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Research source}
- Choose 2 or 3 values that you're going to hold as the most important. With every action you take and every decision you make, ask yourself first if it advances your core values.
- For example, if you choose "honesty" as one of your core values, you would strive to always behave honestly. You would avoid cutting corners and acting dishonestly, even if it made things harder for you in the short run.
- Always stand up and defend your core values. For example, if one of your core values is "equality," you might speak out when someone makes a sexist or misogynist remark.

4

Cultivate an optimistic outlook.

When you believe in yourself you can better adapt to challenges. Being optimistic doesn't mean you bury your head in the sand and ignore the harsh realities of the world around you. It simply means that you believe that no matter what happens, everything will ultimately be okay. People know they can count on an alpha to confront challenges straight-on and look for solutions rather than getting caught up in negative thinking.^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source
Penn State Extension
Educational organization dedicated to delivering science-based information to people, businesses, and communities
Go to source}
- For example, suppose your work team has just found out about a shipment delay. Some might panic, but an alpha would see an opportunity to transition to something else until the shipment arrived.
- Being optimistic also means encouraging others to find a way over the various hurdles and stumbling blocks that appear in their paths.

5

Project confidence through your body language.

Maintain good posture and don't be afraid to take up space. Practice standing and walking with good posture—keep your chest out and your shoulders back. Keep your arms to your side or behind you and gesture as you speak. This isn't about adopting specific hand gestures, but moving your hands in a way that feels natural and authentic to you.^{[5]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source}
- If you unapologetically own the space where you're sitting or standing, you give off the impression that you're confident and comfortable in your own skin—even if you're not.
- If you're working to become an alpha, this is one area where you can "fake it till you make it." If you walk, sit, stand, and speak with confidence, that's what people will see.

6

Treat everyone with dignity and respect.

Connect with people's humanity even if they can't do anything for you. A true alpha is secure in who they are and knows they don't have to put other people down to build themselves up. Everyone is worthy of the same respect you expect people to pay to you.^{[6]
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Research source}
- Encourage others to improve and succeed and celebrate their victories with them. They'll appreciate your support.
- The key here is to be respectful even if you don't stand to gain anything from the interaction. Too many people are only nice when they want something, or believe a person can help them in some way—those people aren't alphas.

7

Express curiosity and empathy toward others.

Seek to learn as much as you can about the lives and experiences of others.^{[7]
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Research source} The more you understand about other people, the better you'll be able to lead them. Listen to people's stories and find ways you can relate to them personally.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 11 March 2021.}
- As you listen, validate the person's feelings so they feel heard and believe they were right to speak to you.

8

Work to improve the world around you.

Do what you can to make your community a better place. What you specifically do depends on your core values and your skills, but anyone can help improve the place where they live. This might mean getting active in politics, volunteering at a local charity, or mentoring young people in your neighborhood.^{[9]
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Research source}
- If you open your eyes and ears, you'll quickly notice things you can do to help. A true alpha doesn't wait for someone else to start something, they start it themselves!
- For example, if the local park is always trashy, you might start trash pickup days once a week. At first, you might be the only one—but once people notice your commitment and consistency, they'll show up.

9

Set achievable and realistic goals for yourself.

Work toward SMART goals for constant self-improvement. Set "SMART" goals that are specific, measurable, achievable (or attainable), relevant, and time-bound.^{[10]
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Research source} Alphas tend to be goal-oriented, which means they take an active role in the direction of their life rather than simply coasting through it. Here's what a SMART goal might look like for you if you want to improve your physical fitness through running:
- Specific: run in and complete a 5k race
- Measurable: you'll sign up for a local 5k and participate in it; you can also use fitness apps to measure and monitor your progress toward your goal
- Achievable: you'll do a "couch to 5k" program to help get in shape before the race
- Relevant: running a 5k gives you a goal and helps improve your overall fitness, especially your cardiovascular fitness
- Time-bound: sign up for a local 5k in a couple of months

10

Push yourself out of your comfort zone.

Expand your horizons by trying new things and taking on risks. It's easy to sit back and be content with what you have rather than striving for more—but alphas don't take the easy way out. Challenging yourself to do things that don't come easily helps you grow as a person and build your confidence and self-esteem.^{[11]
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Research source}
- This also means facing your own fears. For example, if you have a fear of public speaking, you might sign up to present projects in front of smaller groups so that you become more comfortable speaking in front of others.
- At the same time, this doesn't mean that you never do things that are relaxing or enjoyable. It just means that you know when to push yourself.

11

Practice discipline and self-control.

Focus on what you want to achieve and act in your own best interests. Part of being an alpha means not allowing compulsions, fixations, or substances to control your thoughts and actions. As an alpha, you try to be in control of yourself as much as you can, which means avoiding vices except rarely and in moderation. You're also able to resist the call of a temptation that will only provide short-term happiness (at best) because you know you'll get more satisfaction from achieving your long-term goals.^{[12]
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Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
- For example, you might be tempted to splurge on a new shirt, but you're able to resist because you know that you'll get much more satisfaction out of sticking to your budget.
- Don't be afraid to seek professional help if you have a problem controlling substance use or other compulsions on your own. A true alpha recognizes when they need help to get where they want to be in life.

12

Look after your mental health.

Conduct a mental inventory regularly and practice mindfulness.^{[13]
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Trustworthy Source
National Institute of Mental Health
Informational website from U.S. government focused on the understanding and treatment of mental illness.
Go to source} You've likely heard the phrase "put your own oxygen mask on first." Borrowed from emergency instructions on airplanes, this phrase communicates the value of self-care. As a leader, an alpha is likely responsible for other people—but you can't adequately lead other people unless you can take care of yourself first.
- Try journaling if you find that you have a hard time expressing your emotions. It can do wonders to help you better understand how experiences make you feel.
- Don't fall prey to the toxic, outdated idea that to be an alpha you have to be "emotionless." A true alpha is in touch with their emotions and listens to them.
- If you ever feel like you're struggling mentally or emotionally, don't hesitate to get professional help. A true alpha knows when they need help from others to accomplish their goals.

13

Find comfort and fulfillment in yourself.

Hold yourself responsible for your own happiness. A real alpha doesn't rely on others to make them happy or prop up their self-esteem. In fact, in many ways, you might say that an alpha doesn't need other people at all. While they absolutely enjoy the company of others, they are a whole and complete person all by themselves.^{[14]
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Research source}
- An alpha also isn't worried about what others think about them. Being an alpha isn't about other people thinking you're an alpha—it's about what you think about yourself.
- If you believe in yourself and are confident in your abilities, other people will believe in you too.

14

Respect your romantic partner's boundaries.

Explore what your partner needs to feel safe and loved. Use open communication to establish boundaries and take responsibility for your actions if you violate them.^{[15]
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Research source}Being an alpha doesn't mean you're always in charge and your romantic partner should bend to your will. On the contrary, understanding and adapting to your partner's needs is a very alpha thing to do!
- For example, one of your partner's boundaries might be "no yelling." If your emotions get too heated and you raise your voice, stop. Immediately apologize and take a few minutes to calm down.

Community Q&A

Question

Do you need to be better at everything than other people to be an alpha male?

wikiHow Staff Editor
Staff Answer
This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

Not at all! No one can be the best at everything. Part of being an alpha is understanding your own strengths and weaknesses. You know when to delegate something to someone else or let them take over because they're better at it than you are. On top of that, a true alpha is always seeking to learn and better themselves—you can't do that if you already think you're better at everything. No matter how much you know, there's always room to learn something.
Question

Should an alpha male keep facial hair, or smooth shave?

Community Answer

It depends on the man and the type of face you have. Experiment with both and keenly view other people's reactions and how they view you. If you do keep facial hair, keep it neat and trimmed. The "right look" varies with the era and local preferences, so bear that in mind too.
Question

Does an alpha male say "thank you" or "bless you"?

Community Answer

Yes, they do. Being an alpha male doesn't have to mean being rude.