How to Become a Loner

Last Updated: June 20, 2022 References

Some people prefer to be alone. They value their personal space and feel the most comfortable when no one else is around. Still, if you decide to live your life as a loner, you should find ways to occupy your time in productive ways. Don't let being a loner get in the way of enjoying the outside world. You can be a loner and still lead a happy, healthy life.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Spending Time Alone

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Find productive ways to spend time alone. Loners often spend time alone to recharge after spending a lot of time socializing. You can do whatever you want when you're alone, which is one of the great things about being a loner. However, since you'll be spending a great deal of time alone, learn to use that time wisely.^{[1]
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- Learn a new skill, or use your alone time to focus on your hobbies. Introverted people tend to be more creative when they are alone.^{[2]
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- You may also find it beneficial to meditate when you are alone. Spending time alone is all about recharging. It's okay to take a break from being productive to focus on mental clarity.^{[3]
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- Being able to be alone and happy doing your own stuff is like a superpower. This will help you work on yourself and will also improve your interpersonal relationships altogether.
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Wake up early. If you have roommates, or if you live with your parents, it can be difficult to find solitude. Try waking up 30 minutes to an hour earlier than the rest of your house. Use that time to focus on the day, or spend it doing something creative.^{[4]
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- If you work in an office that requires you to share your space with co-workers, it may help you to get to work early. Try to get to work a half hour or so before your peers. You'll be in before things get busy, and you'll feel more focused.^{[5]
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Only talk to close friends and family when you need to. Just because you're a loner doesn't mean you dislike people. You may still have a few close friends, but still, you need time alone and you need your family to understand that.^{[6]
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- Let your friends and family know that you occasionally need time alone to recharge. Remind them that you aren't upset or depressed, and that you prefer time alone to organize your thoughts and clear your head. They'll understand.^{[7]
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  Research source} If someone cannot handle your absence for a while, that's an issue that they should work themselves.
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Make sure you have a place to go when you need to get away. The best place to get away is a private room with a door, such as a bedroom. If you can't use your bedroom, try to find another private space where you can shut out the rest of the world.^{[8]
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- Outfit your space with things that you can use when you are alone. Fill it with books you've been wanting to read, or art supplies in case you get creative. Make sure the space is comfortable. You'll be spending a lot of time in your room, so make sure you enjoy it.^{[9]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Going Out Alone

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Find things to do on your own. Go see a movie, or try a new restaurant. Go to a coffee shop and read. Just because you're a loner doesn't mean you have to miss out on the outside world. You don't have to talk to anyone, just find something fun to do and do it.^{[10]
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2
Wear headphones. Being a loner doesn't mean you can lock yourself in your room for the rest of your life. At some point you'll have to go out in public. If you want to be left alone in public, put on a pair of headphones and put on your favorite song.
- If you have to ride the bus to get to school or work, carry a book with you. If you have headphones on, and you're reading a book, most people will leave you alone.
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Try to talk to people every once in a while. You may not enjoy it all the time, but studies show that everyone benefits from some form of social interaction. You can still be true to yourself and interact with people.^{[11]
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- Be polite and respond to someone who interacts with you on a regular basis. If you frequent a coffee shop in your neighborhood, get to know the barista. You don't have to exchange information, just make good conversation.^{[12]
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Know your way out. If you end up having to go to a social event, such as a friend's party, you'll want to leave before everyone else. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get home and get comfortable. Make arrangements to leave before everyone else, and be sure to let a few close friends know.^{[13]
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- Make sure you have access to a bus schedule if you don't have a car.
- Don't make a habit of lying to your friends about why you're leaving. Be honest with them about how you feel in social gatherings. Let them know that being social wears you out and that you're headed home to unwind.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Thriving as a Loner

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Find jobs that play to your strengths. You don't have to label yourself as a "team player" to get a good job. If you're a loner, you probably excel at working alone. Your ability to stay motivated is a selling point.^{[14]
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- Be wary of jobs that seem like loner jobs. You may think working in a library would offer you some peace and quiet, but the truth is you'll be talking to people all day.^{[15]
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Share your thoughts in meetings. All the time you spend reading and thinking, is time that you've spent gaining knowledge. Use that knowledge to your advantage.^{[16]
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- Don't be afraid to tell people what you're thinking. If someone says something that gives you an idea, share it. You don't have to talk over anyone, just calmly speak your mind.^{[17]
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Be upfront with people. If you do end up in a job that requires you to interact with people on a daily basis, find ways to let them know how you operate. If you prefer to communicate through email, say so.^{[18]
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- Some of your co-workers may think you are rude if you don't join them in conversation. Find ways to let them know when you are busy, and when you may have some time to talk. Let them know that you prefer to work alone, and that you aren't trying to be rude.^{[19]
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Don't miss any opportunities. Try not to let your desire to be a loner get in the way of having a successful career. If you want to do well at your job, you're going to have to be social every once in a while.^{[20]
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- Know when it's okay to skip an event, and when you need to attend. If you stand to gain something out of attending, such as meeting new clients, or impressing your boss, you should go. If you can't think of any reason you absolutely have to go, then feel free to stay home.^{[21]
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Expert Q&A

Question

Is it normal to fear loneliness?

Jennifer Butler, MSW
Love & Empowerment Coach
Jennifer Butler is a Love & Transformation Coach and the Owner of JennJoyCoaching, a life coaching business based in Miami, Florida, although Jennifer works with clients all over the world. Jennifer’s work centers around empowering women who are navigating any stage of the divorce or breakup process. She has over four years of life coaching experience. She is also the co-host of the Deep Chats Podcast along with Leah Morris and the host of season 2 “Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle” by Worthy. Her work has been featured in ESME, DivorceForce, and Divorced Girl Smiling. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from New York University. She is also a Certified Health Coach, a Communications & Life Mastery Specialist, and a Certified Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “the One” coach.

Jennifer Butler, MSW

Love & Empowerment Coach

Expert Answer

Yes, it is! Still, you have to go headlong into that fear and get curious to see what it is trying to tell you. What is it that you're really afraid of? Does it bring up inadequacy? Does it bring up a fear of being abandoned? Then, start working to heal that so you can be alone without suffering. If you learn to be your own best company, you'll become a better company for everyone else.
Question

I've had no good friends for many years. I want friends, but everyone I know seems to push me away. How can I accept this and enjoy being a loner?

Community Answer

Find your favorite hobbies and personal activities and don't bother too much with your surroundings and other people. You can stay in your room sketching or writing and work on improving your skills. Don't rule out making friends, though. Put yourself out there and try to find people you have things in common with.
Question

What are some tips for how to survive high school as a loner?

Community Answer

Just focus on school and make sure you are passing your classes, friends are a second priority. You go to school to do school, the only important thing during this time is graduating. Look forward to the things you will do after high school.