How to Become Friends With Popular People Who Are Older Than You

Co-authored by Katie Styzek

Last Updated: July 22, 2022 References

If you're like most kids and teenagers, you like the idea of being cool and popular. You might look up to some older kids you've seen around who have a trendy style and a lot of friends. The idea of becoming friends with those older, more popular people could be an exciting one--being friends with them could make you more popular, and could give you a chance to learn from their experiences. Not every older, popular person will want to be friends with you. Some will probably think they are "too cool" for that, but with some style, a good attitude, and a friendly personality, you can probably make friends with some of them.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Fitting in with Popular Kids

1
Dress the part. Popular kids are usually well dressed,^{[1]
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Research source} so your chances of befriending popular kids will increase if you look cool yourself. Spend some time online, with magazines, and making observations in day-to-day life to see what the popular kids are wearing, and try your best to dress similarly.
- Keep in mind that trendy clothes or devices alone will not win you friends or bring you long-term happiness.^{[2]
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  Research source} Pick cool styles that express who you are rather than trying to wear all the latest high-priced fashions to look just like someone else.
- If you don't have money for a whole new wardrobe, don't worry. At vintage stores and thrift stores, you can often find cool clothes at a fraction of the price of buying them new. This can also help you develop a style of your own that is unique, but still hip and appealing.
2
Play a sport. It's a cliche, but it's true: a lot of popular people are athletes.^{[3]
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Research source} If you are at all athletic, consider trying out for a sport you like. This will help you fit in better with the popular kids, both your age and older.

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3
Succeed in school. Research shows that there are two kinds of popular kids--those that are friendly and do well in school, and those that are mean and do poorly. The research also shows that the "bad" popular kids don't stay popular as they get older (i.e. in high school).^{[4]
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- If you want to hang out with older, popular kids who actually STAY popular, you want to fit in with the successful ones. So, try your best in school so you can fit in with the people who will have lasting popularity.
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Learn about the trends that older kids are into. Spend some time learning what the older, popular kids are into, outside of fashion. Pick up some magazines and look online to find out what the hottest trends are. For example:^{[5]
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- What music are they listening to?
- What TV shows or movies are they watching?
- What apps or social media sites are new and popular?

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Developing Social Skills that Popular People Have

1
Be friendly. As mentioned before, there are two kinds of popular kids. Some are nice to everyone and good at getting along with others, and some are aggressive and more likely to get in trouble.^{[7]
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- Researchers call the nice popular kids "prosocial" and the aggressive ones "antisocial." The antisocial kids tend to become unpopular as time goes by because they alienate other people.
- Having a friendly, outgoing personality can help you make friends with all kinds of people, and achieve lasting popularity.
2
Learn to "read minds." Something else that research shows is that popular kids have a way of "reading minds." They can't literally read other people's thoughts, but they are sensitive to other people's desires and needs.^{[8]
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- Pay close attention to how other people react to different social situations, and try to understand their perspectives. Being able to understand and relate to others can make you more likable.
- For example, if you are hanging out with a couple friends playing a game, take note of whether everyone looks like they're having fun. If one person looks bored or unhappy, you might want to suggest a different activity that you think everyone will enjoy.
3
Be entertaining. When asked what makes popular kids different, many people say that they are "not boring." So, to be more like the older, popular kids you want to befriend, work on being entertaining in social situations.^{[9]
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- Don't make a fool of yourself, but try to be funny. Learn some jokes.^{[10]
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- Make an effort to have a good time in social situations, and try to help others have fun, too. Introduce people to new activities, and encourage others to cut loose and enjoy themselves.
- Think about other ways you can make yourself stand out socially. Maybe you could learn a magic trick or two, or develop some other skill that will be entertaining to others.
4
Act confident. People are more attracted to other people who appear confident. It will be easier to make friends with anyone if you behave more confidently. It is probably necessary to do so in order to befriend older, more popular kids. Here are some simple things you can do:^{[11]
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- Stand up straight--slouching makes you look unsure of yourself.
- Smile and make eye contact when you talk to others.
- Try not to over analyze social situations. If you want to meet someone, just introduce yourself, don't give yourself time to be nervous over "what ifs."
- Know that you're not alone! If you're struggling with your confidence, make a list of positive and helpful qualities that you bring to the school and to your classmates.
- Do your best to try and strike up a conversation with someone new to build your confidence up. Each day on your way to school, remind yourself of your positive qualities and reinforce your confidence.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Befriending Older, Popular Kids

1
Introduce yourself. Once you've worked on your appearance and social skills, it's time to actually try to make friends. The first step is just to introduce yourself to some of the older kids you'd like to be friends with.^{[12]
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- Just walk up and say "hi" and tell them your name. Don't forget to smile and maintain eye contact.
- Keep it brief. Don't try to have a long conversation the first time you meet them.^{[13]
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- Ask people you meet a question about themselves to get them talking, rather than talking about yourself. For example, you could say: "Are you guys going to the game on Friday?" or "Have you heard the new song by Unreliable Narrator?" Keep it casual, and don't ask questions that have obvious answers you already know.
2
Treat people like they're already your friends. A good way to win the friendship of anyone is to act like they're your friends already. Once you've introduced yourself and know people's names, make sure to say hello to them in the hall from then on, greeting them by name.^{[14]
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- Give people compliments that you'd be happy to receive yourself. If someone has a particularly cool outfit on that day, tell them you like it. Don't do this all the time or be overly fawning--remember, you want act like they are your friends, not your idols.^{[15]
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- When they talk to you, listen with sincerity. Learn about things they like and dislike, and talk to them about those things as if you were friends already.
3
Show up and help out. If things go well, eventually you'll probably be invited to some event by your new would-be friends. Maybe it's a party, a sporting event, or just to hang out downtown. Whenever you are invited, do your best to show up.^{[16]
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- You can't make friends with people you don't spend time with. Spend as much time as possible with the people you are trying to befriend, without inserting yourself into situations you haven't been invited to.
- When you are invited to gatherings, look for opportunities to be helpful. Were you invited to a party? Ask if there's something you can bring. Stay around afterward and help clean up if you can. Helpful people are often popular people
4
Don't be overeager. At the same time, you don't want to appear overeager. This can be off-putting to some people. So, when you get a chance to spend some time with the older kids you are trying to befriend, play it cool.^{[17]
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- When you are invited to something, say "thanks for the invite," but don't gush on and on about how grateful you are and how cool it is that they invited you.
- Don't show up late to things, but don't necessarily always be the first one there either.
- If you want to invite them to something, feel free, but don't constantly ask them to join you for lunch, invite them over to your house, or send them texts or social networking messages. Don't learn their routines and follow them around.
- If someone gives you a clear signal that they don't want to be your friend, let it go, don't keep trying. If that person has a change of heart, he or she will come to you.

Community Q&A

Question

There are two girls in my school who are in a higher grade than I am. I haven't had a real conversation with them, but their friends in my grade say that they hate me. What should I do?

Community Answer

You should approach them and just casually ask if the rumors are true. If they say they are, ask them why they dislike you. If they say they're not true, confront the people who started the rumors. If they're rude to you, just ignore them. Sometimes people will dislike you or act like a jerk for no reason and there's nothing you can do about it.
Question

There is a girl in my school who is one of the only students that is kind and gentle. I want to befriend her, but am fearful she will reject me. What should I do?

violetcake58

Community Answer

Just be nice to her, you'll become friends with her the more you talk. She might not even know it, but sooner or later you might be best friends.
Question

I hang out with this high schooler a lot, and I'm a few grades below her, is that weird?

Community Answer

No, there is no problem with hanging out with older people, as long as she is a good person and doesn't try to make you do anything you know is wrong or anything that makes you uncomfortable.

Warnings

Stay true to yourself. If you aren't loyal to who you are in an effort to get others to like you, they won't ever get to know and like the real you.

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Don't do dangerous or illegal things to gain the approval of others. It's not smart and can get you into a lot of trouble.

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