How to Be the Coolest Girl at a House Party

If you want to be the coolest girl at a house party, chances are, you won’t be. The reason for this is that you’re already too concerned with what others think of you. Instead of worrying about how you'll compare with others at the party, go there with the intention to have fun. If you’re being friendly, interesting, and looking your best, you’re sure to stand out and make a great impression.

Part 1
Part 1 of 4:

Standing Out in the Crowd

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    Ask if the host needs anything. Ask if you can bring anything to the party, and then bring it. If you become consistently known for bringing cool things to parties, people will be excited when they know you’re attending.
    • If the party involves food, consider making something delicious that will become your signature dish that people want you to bring every time you attend a party.
    • Sometimes, you might want to stand out by getting a certain person to notice you. If you want to get on the host's good side, then asking how to help out will probably make you their favorite guest super quickly.
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    Stand in the center of the room. Upon your arrival to the party, grab a few friends and make your way to the center of the room. Standing in the center of the room will make it look like you’re the center of attention, and it will draw people to you. [1]
    • If you arrive alone and don’t know anyone, move towards the center of the room and see if you can start a conversation with anyone, or join any existing conversations.
    • Also make sure to hold your head up high, maintain good posture, and look confident. People who come across as fun and sure of themselves attract a ton of people at parties.
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    Know how to join a conversation. Joining an ongoing conversation between a group of people at a party can be a bit daunting. There are a few different ways in which you can do this:[2]
    • Walk up to a group, listen in for a minute or two, and then contribute if/when it makes sense to do so. Only contribute if you have something interesting to say. If you know nothing about the topic, you can ask a question instead.
    • Introduce yourself to the group. If you do this while people are talking about something else, make it quick and then return the focus to the conversation they were having: “Hi I’m just wandering around introducing myself to people. I’m Jane. Please go on with the conversation!”
    • If you're feeling extra brave, offer a new perspective to immediately steal the show. For example, you can say, "What you said about rom-coms is so interesting! I actually believe a lot of them can be pretty thought-provoking."
    • Talk to one person in the group first. If you notice someone standing on the sidelines of a large group and not really engaging in conversation, introduce yourself to them and talk to them for a while before turning your attention to the group.
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    Know when you’re welcome. At a party it’s important to read people, particularly when you're trying to join conversations.[3] If you try to join a group conversation, it’s possible that the group won’t be receptive to you.
    • An unreceptive group may politely say hello and then return to their conversation without making space for you. If they do this, just move on to another group or person. Remember that it might not be personal. They could be having a somewhat private conversation that they don’t feel comfortable sharing with new people.[4]
    • Another thing that could happen is that the group receives you but doesn’t actively include you in the conversation. In this case they’ll likely make space for you and look at you and smile now and then. In this case, you need to make an effort to contribute.[5]
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    Dress to stand out from the crowd. If you want people to notice you, dress to get noticed. This could mean showing off your shoulders at a holiday party, where most people are wearing sweaters, or wearing a brightly colored dress in a room full of little black dresses (LBDs).[6]
    • Dress to stand out, but don’t dress outside of your comfort zone. Exploring different styles is okay, but most of all it’s important to stay true to who you are.
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    Smile, but not too much. At a party you of course want to seem friendly and approachable, but smiling all the time may make you look insincere. Instead, keep a smaller smile on your face and reserve your big smiles for greetings.
    • Smiling big when you say hi to people will make them feel special, like they’re the reason you’re smiling.[7]
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    Be a bit touchy-feely. Casually touching someone’s arm while talking to them can make them feel good, leading them to like you more. Seeing you touch that person may make others want your attention more, too.[8]
    • If you’re not a touchy-feely person, you might skip this step. It’s important to stay true to who you are. That said, you may want to try it out even if it does feel weird at first, just to see if it’s something you’re comfortable with.
    • Pay attention to who you touch. Some people do not like being touched by other people. If someone seems uncomfortable when you touch them, don’t do it again.
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    Pay attention to your posture. Good standing posture means having a straight back, squared shoulders, your chest out, your stomach in, your feet forward, and your hips and knees in a neutral position. [9]
    • A good posture shows confidence. Just be sure that you’re not overdoing it, otherwise you may look overly stiff or snobby, especially if your chin is raised too high, with your nose up in the air.
    • If you’re sitting in a chair, if possible, move one of your elbows so that it rests atop the back of the chair. This will cause you to lean back a bit and make you look more confident. A standing version of this is to lean on a counter with one arm.[10]
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    Have open, positive body language. Avoid shielding yourself by crossing your arms or holding your drink in front of you. If you’re holding a drink, holding it off to the side will show of your wrists and midsection, making you look open and confident.[11]
    • When you're talking to people, use positive, non-judgemental body language: smile; keep your chin down so that it doesn’t look like you’re turning your nose up at them; stand at a slight angle (a full frontal posture might feel dominating or insulting to some people); keep your palms up; and elevate your eyebrows while you talk.[12]
    • Avoid negative body language such as slouching, crossing your arms across your chest, furrowing your brow, or tightening your lips.[13] Playing with your hair too much will make you look nervous, and make others nervous, too.[14]
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    Circulate. Don’t get stuck in one place for too long. Unless you’re deep in conversation, aim to change where you’re standing every 10 to 15 minutes.
    • This will open you up to meeting new people and will also give any admirers the opportunity to view you from different angles.[15]
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Part 2
Part 2 of 4:

Being Likeable

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    Don’t be a flake. Don’t leave it to the last minute to confirm unless you have a real reason to do that. Leaving the host hanging for a response is inconsiderate, and if they’re planning on food or party favors, it could end up with you missing out.
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    Make people feel at ease.[16] Having a healthy, friendly posture and a small, warm smile on your face are good ways to make people feel at ease. When you seem to be at ease yourself, this will make it easier for people to be comfortable around you. Other things you can do:
    • Encourage people to talk about themselves by asking questions and actively listening. Receive what they say respectfully and without judgement, even if you disagree.
    • Acknowledge any similarities between the two of you, as this will build a common rapport. Just be careful that you’re not one-upping them — for example, if you both had the same test at school, agree that it was hard, but don’t brag about the A+ you got.
    • If you want to talk to your crush or maybe someone new, make them feel at ease by saying you’re just on your way out but you wanted to say hi. If they know you’ll be leaving soon, they won’t feel nervous about talking to you for too long, and will be more likely to engage in conversation with you.[17]
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    Be consistent. If people know that you are consistently fun and pleasant to be around, they’re more likely to approach you at a party. Your close friends are around enough to see all sides of you, but strangers won’t know you’re having an off day, so it’s important to be on at a party.
    • Have you ever stopped going to a restaurant because of the inconsistent quality of their food? When it’s good, it’s wonderful, but when it’s bad, it’s bad, and since it’s not consistent, it’s no longer worth the risk of going there. It’s the same with people and personalities.
    • The more often people see you and become familiar with you, the more warmly they'll feel about you and even work up the courage to approach you.
    • If you build a good reputation for yourself and start to become a "regular," people will start to get excited at the idea of running into you. So, keep going to house parties and eventually, you'll probably build a little fan base.
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    Be an active listener.[18] When people are talking, don’t interrupt. As you listen to what they say, nod and make short comments (e.g., “yes” or “go on”) that show you’re listening. When they’re done, repeat the gist of what they said and ask follow-up questions.[19]
    • When others are speaking, resist the urge to think about what you’re going to say next. Try to stay focused on what the person in front of you is saying instead.[20]
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    Ask for thoughts and opinions. A great way to build a bond with someone is to ask for their thoughts and opinions, and then listen non-judgementally to what they have to say. Ask follow-up questions.[21]
    • If someone says something you don’t agree with, try not to get insulted or argue right away. Instead, tell them you never thought of it that way, and ask them to explain further.[22]
    • If the person expresses an opinion that offends you, consider whether you need to let them know that. For the most part, if someone is bigoted, it will be difficult to change their mind and probably not worth your time. Just politely excuse yourself and move on.
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    Ask for advice. Appealing to another person’s expertise is a way to show your respect for them and to gain their confidence. If you know someone is experienced with something you’re interested in, ask them for advice on things.
    • Just make sure that your questions are sincere. You don’t want to seem like you’re asking just to make conversation.
    • Maybe don’t ask a doctor about an illness you have if you meet one at a party. They’re not there to work. You can, however, ask them what they do with difficult patients or about how difficult med school might have been, particularly if you want advice on scheduling your own time.
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    Drop the ego. Put your own thoughts and needs aside when you’re listening to others. Resist the urge to correct them if you think they’re wrong, and definitely don’t one-up them with your own story. It will just feel like you’re trying to compete with them, and this will look worse on you than it does on them, even if they’re wrong.[23]
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    Offer sincere compliments. [24] Maybe you like a dress someone is wearing, or you love their hair cut. Tell them! Just make sure that you’re honest about what you compliment them on.[25]
    • If you're the first one to break the ice, people will see you as bold and fun. If you compliment them right off the bat, then you'll definitely win them over.
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    Be the best version of yourself.[26] If you’re usually awkward in social situations, it may feel like you have to act like someone else in order to have fun at a party. Try not to think of it as acting as someone else; instead, think of it as acting as the best version of yourself.
    • It can feel a bit uncomfortable to practise new skills. You might even feel like you’re faking it, but this is where the saying “fake it till you make it” rings true. With time those skills will become second nature, and you’ll be happy you took the time to practise them.[27]
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Part 3
Part 3 of 4:

Being Interesting

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    Be positive. If you’re always miserable, chances are, people won’t want to talk to you. Try to be positive and friendly, especially when you’re talking to people you don’t know very well.[28]
    • Avoid complaining too much or gossiping negatively about anyone. Your listeners are more likely to associate the things you’re complaining about with you than with who/what you’re complaining about.[29]
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    Ask questions. This is related to being a good listener. You can be the center of attention without talking everyone’s ears off. Listen to people. Ask questions about what they say.[30]
    • Encouraging people to talk about themselves will make them feel special and they will likely remember the conversation as being an interesting one.
    • If you’re stuck for conversation, try asking someone about what sort of hobbies they have or what they’ve recently been up to.[31]
    • If you know anything about the subject they’re talking about, share your experience without interrupting and without trying to one-up the person. If you don’t know anything about what they’re talking about, ask questions.
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    Have a few good stories. Choose a few stories that you know entertain people, and rehearse them to ensure that you don’t bore your audience while you try to remember details or go off on tangents.[32]
    • Some experts recommend having three good stories.[33] Just make sure that you switch them up every now and then so that people don’t catch you telling the same ones over and over again.
    • Tailor your stories to the party. The stories you tell at a career-oriented party will likely be different from the ones you tell at a party full of your close friends. Stories about people are recommended.[34]
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    Be concise and straightforward. Whenever you’re talking, keep in mind that people have shorter attention spans than ever before. [35] For this reason, try to keep your comments and stories short and to the point.[36]
    • If no one is asking questions about what you’re saying, you might be boring them.[37]
    • If you’re generally a bit of a rambler, and you realize you’re doing it at a party, stop and check in with your audience to make sure they’re still following you.
    • If your listener begins to look restless or bored (checking their watch or phone, or looking around the room), stop yourself and apologize for being too chatty, and ask them something about themselves.
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    Be a charismatic speaker. Studies have shown that body language, emotion and voice count for far more than the words you say.[38] For this reason it’s important to hone your public speaking skills and body language.
    • When you speak, be passionate. This doesn’t mean shouting or speaking loudly. It means, emphasizing your words with gestures and by changing the tone of your voice.[39]
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    Gather interesting life experiences. To be interesting, do interesting things. Follow your passions, take up a hobby, involve yourself with people who excite and inspire you.[40]
    • It makes it a lot easier to make a lot of friends quickly if you chat about your hobbies. Plus, once you all find out that you love the same activities, you can make time to meet up at a group later. People will love that you brought everyone together.
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Part 4
Part 4 of 4:

Looking Your Best

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    Have good hygiene. Bathe, wash your hair, brush your teeth, clip and file your nails, and wear deodorant. Unless you struggle with a medical condition, having good hygiene will keep you smelling nice.
    • Some medical conditions can cause people to smell bad even when they have good hygiene. If you think you might suffer from such a condition, see your doctor.
    • You might consider using a whitening toothpaste while brushing your teeth. People with straight, white teeth are often thought to be more attractive than those without.[41]
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    Maintain a healthy diet. When you drink enough water and eat healthy, unprocessed foods, it shows in your appearance. Unless you have underlying health conditions, a healthy diet should keep your skin, hair, and body looking good.
    • Note that there are a range of healthy body types. Having a healthy diet won’t necessarily make you thin if you are naturally a bit larger, but it will keep you feeling healthy and energized, and able to do things to keep your body as lean and toned as possible.
    • It may be tempting to stop eating or purge in order to lose weight, but please be kind to yourself and resist doing these things. They are not only extremely dangerous for your body; they are also emotionally stressful.
    • If you think you may have an eating disorder, there are many resources available for you to get help. Look online or consult your doctor to learn more about resources in your area.
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    Style your hair. Find a style for your hair that complements your face and your outfit. If you’re wearing casual clothes, keep your hair more casual; if you’re going more formal, a more formal hair style will be nice.
    • Ultimately how you style your hair depends on your own tastes. Sporting a new style is a great way to get noticed at a party, especially if it’s very different from what you’d normally do with your hair.
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    Do your makeup. It’s not necessary to wear makeup to look good, but it can be fun to add a little boost to your natural look. If you want to keep it low-key, try just giving your skin a creamy glow and topping it with some mascara and a nude lip color.
    • If you want to go more dramatic — for example, with a smokey eye or vibrant red lipstick — make sure that you makeup matches your outfit. You probably don’t want to look like Morticia Addams in blue jeans and a white T-shirt (although that could be funny).
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    Have smooth, healthy-looking lips. A study has found that women’s lips are the most attractive part of their body, particularly when they’re painted red.[42]
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    Dress in clothes that complement your body type. Which clothes look best on you will depend on your body type — for example, if you’re smaller on top and larger on the bottom (a “pear-shaped body”), wearing tops that accentuate your shoulders will help your body look more balanced.[43]
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    Accessorize. Accessorizing is a great way to add interest to your outfit, particularly if you can’t afford to buy new clothes all the time. It can also help you look more polished.
    • As an example, you can spice up a little black dress with colorful earrings and a bracelet, and maybe draw those colors out by wearing shoes that match.
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Expert Q&A

  • Question
    What if I barely know anyone at the party? What should I do?
    Kevin Wang
    Kevin Wang
    Social Events Specialist
    Kevin Wang is a Social Events Specialist and the Founder and CEO of Amiccio, a New York City social app and social events platform that helps people make new connections. Kevin’s work focuses on connecting singles and new friends by hosting socials, dance classes, and speed dating events. He holds a BS in Economics from Duke University.
    Kevin Wang
    Kevin Wang
    Social Events Specialist
    Expert Answer
    If everyone's new to you, it's a perfect opportunity to show how confident and bold you are. Win all these strangers over as friends by walking up to them, introducing yourself, and giving them a sincere compliment. For example, you can make a comment like, "This is a really fascinating conversation! I'm already hooked." Then, let them know that you're new to this social environment. For example, say, "I'm actually new to the area. Do you have any recommendations for a great dance club?" You'll immediately give people the chance to connect with you.
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Warnings

  • Do not accept drinks from people you don’t know, and do not leave your drinks unattended. This goes for any drink — whether it’s alcohol or even just a glass of water. People may put drugs in your drink which could cause you harm, so it’s important to always keep an eye on your drink.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
  • If you’re of a drinking age, be careful that you don’t overindulge. Getting wasted and misbehaving are not going to make you look cool to others.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
  • If you use a whitening toothpaste to whiten your teeth, be aware that it can damage your enamel. If you’re unsure of whether a whitening toothpaste is right for you, ask your dentist.[44]
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
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References

  1. ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.com/food-cocktails/a3084/life-of-the-party/
  2. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/joinconversations
  3. ↑ http://theweek.com/articles/447408/4-secrets-reading-body-language-like-expert
  4. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/joinconversations
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  7. ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.com/food-cocktails/a3084/life-of-the-party/
  8. ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.com/food-cocktails/a3084/life-of-the-party/
  9. ↑ https://www.wikihow.com/Improve-Your-Posture
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  2. ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.com/food-cocktails/a3084/life-of-the-party/
  3. ↑ http://theweek.com/articles/566205/7-ways-make-people-like-courtesy-fbi-behavior-expert
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  10. ↑ http://theweek.com/articles/566205/7-ways-make-people-like-courtesy-fbi-behavior-expert
  11. ↑ http://theweek.com/articles/566205/7-ways-make-people-like-courtesy-fbi-behavior-expert
  12. ↑ http://theweek.com/articles/566205/7-ways-make-people-like-courtesy-fbi-behavior-expert
  13. ↑ http://theweek.com/articles/566205/7-ways-make-people-like-courtesy-fbi-behavior-expert
  14. ↑ http://theweek.com/articles/566205/7-ways-make-people-like-courtesy-fbi-behavior-expert
  15. ↑ http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/07/conversation-skills/
  16. ↑ http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/09/what-two-things-can-help-you-win-over-someone/
  17. ↑ http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/07/conversation-skills/
  18. ↑ http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/07/conversation-skills/
  19. ↑ http://time.com/68212/7-things-the-most-interesting-people-all-have-in-common/
  20. ↑ http://theweek.com/articles/455043/how-make-people-like-6-sciencebased-conversation-hacks
  21. ↑ http://time.com/68212/7-things-the-most-interesting-people-all-have-in-common/
  22. ↑ http://time.com/68212/7-things-the-most-interesting-people-all-have-in-common/
  23. ↑ http://time.com/68212/7-things-the-most-interesting-people-all-have-in-common/
  24. ↑ http://time.com/68212/7-things-the-most-interesting-people-all-have-in-common/
  25. ↑ http://time.com/68212/7-things-the-most-interesting-people-all-have-in-common/
  26. ↑ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/11607315/Humans-have-shorter-attention-span-than-goldfish-thanks-to-smartphones.html
  27. ↑ http://time.com/68212/7-things-the-most-interesting-people-all-have-in-common/
  28. ↑ http://time.com/68212/7-things-the-most-interesting-people-all-have-in-common/
  29. ↑ http://time.com/68212/7-things-the-most-interesting-people-all-have-in-common/
  30. ↑ http://time.com/68212/7-things-the-most-interesting-people-all-have-in-common/
  31. ↑ http://time.com/68212/7-things-the-most-interesting-people-all-have-in-common/
  32. ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-attract-the-opposite-sex-2013-7?op=1&IR=T
  33. ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-attract-the-opposite-sex-2013-7?op=1&IR=T
  34. ↑ https://www.wikihow.com/Dress-for-Your-Body-Type
  35. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/expert-answers/whitening-toothpaste/faq-20058411

About This Article

Kevin Wang
Co-authored by:
Kevin Wang
Social Events Specialist
This article was co-authored by Kevin Wang. Kevin Wang is a Social Events Specialist and the Founder and CEO of Amiccio, a New York City social app and social events platform that helps people make new connections. Kevin’s work focuses on connecting singles and new friends by hosting socials, dance classes, and speed dating events. He holds a BS in Economics from Duke University. This article has been viewed 180,580 times.
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Co-authors: 20
Updated: November 26, 2022
Views: 180,580
Categories: Parties | Charisma and Charm
Article SummaryX

To be the coolest girl at a party, first go in with a smile and a positive attitude, since people usually don’t flock to someone who looks miserable. Next, try moving around every 10 to 15 minutes so you can talk to different people and show you’re friendly and approachable, especially if you don’t know many people there. It’s also not a bad idea to have a few good stories that you can change up and tailor to the environment, since this will make you seem more entertaining and interesting. For more tips, like how to make people feel at ease around you, read on!

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