How to Increase Charisma

Co-authored by Annie Lin, MBA

Last Updated: October 21, 2020 References Approved

Charisma immensely helps in making you a likable, magnetic, and genuine person. For those who lack natural charisma, it is possible to learn the skills needed to become charismatic. Many believe you must be extroverted to have charisma, but this is simply untrue. All you need is a set of skills that you practice until it becomes a habit. Charisma will improve your relationship building, leadership skills, and overall confidence.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Focusing on Positivity

1
Exercise. Exercising will make you fit, subsequently making yourself look and feel better. Exercising also releases endorphin, the “feel good” hormone, which gives you more energy and joy.
- The short and long term benefits of exercise are most effective when done 3 to 4 times per week. ^{[1]
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  Trustworthy Source
  PubMed Central
  Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
  Go to source}
2
Have optimistic thoughts. Think about all the good sides in your life such as your family, friends, your job, an others. Tell yourself that you did a great job at work today and that you have great friends. Try to spin any bad thoughts into good ones. For example, if you find this task too hard to finish for you, tell yourself instead that you'll approach it from a different perspective. ^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- Practice positive thinking on a daily basis to increase effectiveness.
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3
Start a gratitude journal.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Annie Lin, MBA
Life & Career Coach
Expert Interview. 25 November 2019.} Every evening, write down three things you're grateful for. They can be good things that happened today, good things that happened in the past, or just good things in general. A grateful attitude improves your mood, making you more pleasant to be around.
4
Make time for things that you enjoy. It's hard to be charismatic if you're worn down from the toils of everyday life. Spend some time on your favorite activities and let yourself enjoy them wholeheartedly. It's good for you.
- Make time to enjoy at least one thing every day. Even on a busy day, perhaps you can enjoy a cup of coffee or a nice warm shower.
- Treat yourself to nice things (bubble baths, hot chocolate, time playing your favorite game, or something else) on a regular basis.
5
Stop comparing yourself to others. It's just a waste of time. You cannot compare yourself to anyone because you have your own set of life experiences and skills that nobody else has. Self-esteem can suffer when you constantly feel inferior to others, so realize that you are a unique individual who is incomparable. ^{[4]
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6
Dress nicely. Every morning, find an appropriate and presentable outfit that you feel physically and emotionally confident wearing. Dressing well will make your exterior feel good, resulting in a distinctive improvement in self confidence.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Annie Lin, MBA
Life & Career Coach
Expert Interview. 25 November 2019.} Be mindful of what outfit you choose based on the interactions you will have in a given day. For example, you wouldn’t wear a professional suit or dress to a brunch with friends, as well as you certainly wouldn't wear jeans and a shirt to a business meeting. ^{[6]
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- Be mindful of the color palate you are wearing. For example, blues typically induces tranquility and creativity, whereas green inspires freshness.^{[7]
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  Research source
  Lapp, ME. 2011. The Color of Success. GAG Publishing}
7
Experience tough emotions, deal with them, and let them fade. Being a positive person doesn't mean hiding from the negatives. Instead, take a moment to acknowledge your feeling and then think about what could help you feel better.
- It's okay to approach someone if you need practical help or just a listening ear. Try saying "I'm going through something right now. Is now a good time to talk about it with you?"
- Let out tough feelings (in a safe and respectful way, of course) and then ask yourself what would help you feel better right now.
- Remember, difficult feelings are a way of alerting us to problems that we need to resolve. They can show us opportunities for improvement. Investigating and working through these feelings can lead to very positive results.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Being Fully Present in Social Situations

1
Silence and put away all electronic devices. If you are in a social situation, put away your phone, tablet, PC, and any other distracting electronic device. You cannot connect with others if you are constantly emerged in your devices. At a social engagement, give you full and undivided attention to the situation and people in front of you.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Annie Lin, MBA
Life & Career Coach
Expert Interview. 25 November 2019.} You can connect with other people at a later time. ^{[9]
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- If you are an IPhone user, you can turn on the “Do Not Disturb function to prevent calls and text messages coming through until the function is turned off. This will prevent the temptation to check your phone. ^{[10]
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2
Make yourself physically comfortable. It is difficult to be present in a situation if you keep thinking about how excited you are to get out of your tight jeans or itchy dress. Wear clothing that is appropriate and comfortable, so you can focus on the present situation.
3
Wait at least two seconds before responding in a conversation. When you are engaged in a conversation, do not think about how you will respond while someone is speaking. Instead, focus on what they are saying, and when it is your turn to respond, take two seconds before you're answering. ^{[11]
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- For example, if someone is telling a story about hiking with their dog, do not think of a story of you hiking with your own doggie as they are speaking. Fully engage in their story, then share your own.
- Empathize with the person’s story and share the same feelings with them. Say, for example, that you are as impressed as her, because this reminds you a similar event.
4
Focus on hearing the other person, not on formulating your own response. If you're too busy determining what you think, you might miss out on important parts of what the other person is trying to say. Instead, focus on thinking about and understanding what the other person is saying.
- Ask questions if you're not sure you're understanding correctly.
- It's okay if you need to pause afterwards to formulate your own thoughts.
5
Practice presence exercises at home. To become present in situations, try being present with yourself. Try meditating by going to a quiet place, making yourself comfortable and focusing on deep breathing. Focus on how your body feels as you inhale and exhale. Repeat a single word or mantra or listen to repetitive music that calms you and clears your mind. ^{[12]
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- Spend at least five minutes each day doing nothing and being at peace with that.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Mastering Verbal Communication

1
Ask open-ended questions. When you are engaged in a conversation, ask questions that require an expanded response, instead of a one-word response. Make the question applicable to the ongoing conversation. For example, ask someone about a movie, when she found time to travel or what did actually happen in the situation.
- Open ended questions force people to extensively speak, which carries the conversation further.
- Ask questions about the person you are talking to. Everyone likes to talk about themselves, and the easiest way to become charismatic, is to be the person to which others can boast about themselves with. If you are meeting someone for the first time, ask them about their goals, their journey to their career choice or their significant other. If you know a person well enough to avoid those “ice-breaker” questions, ask about the trip they recently took or how their significant other is feeling.
2
Validate people's feelings. Many times, when people talk about things, they want to feel heard and understood. Validating and reflecting back their feelings helps them feel like you're paying attention and caring about what they have to say. Instead of imposing your own feelings or view, make room for how they feel and let them know you're hearing them.
- If someone comes to you with a problem, focus on listening and validating before you try to offer solutions. This helps them feel that you understand what they're going through.
- Don't try to tell someone how to feel, such as saying "cheer up!" or "calm down!" This can have the opposite effect, since people may feel like they aren't being heard. Instead, listen and validate first. This can help them process their feelings and begin to move forward.^{[13]
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3
Paraphrase parts of a conversation to show you are listening. People like to know they are being listened to. During your conversation, restate in your own words, what you have been talking about. For example, after someone told you about their family troubles, answer by admitting that this person felt misunderstood by her family. ^{[14]
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Trustworthy Source
Michigan State University Extension
Extension program of Michigan State University focused on community outreach, education, and engagement
Go to source}
- In response, the person will likely expand by admitting that it is true or by expressing other feelings. By reflectively paraphrasing, you are showing that you are listening and furthering the conversation.
4
Include everyone in the room. Some people are more outgoing then others. Be aware of this and include everyone in the conversation. If you see a person not participating, try asking a question and going around in a circle to give everyone the opportunity to speak.
- Cue into nonverbal communication such as looking down or crossing of arms to gauge how much attention a person is comfortable with.
- Stay away from controversial or uncomfortable topics, such as political views or dating life, which can embarrass some people.
5
Give a sincere compliment or two. When you notice something positive about someone or like one of their ideas, try saying that out loud. It helps them feel good and they're more likely to think positively about how the conversation went afterwards.
- You can also compliment people behind their backs. That can end up having unexpected and lovely consequences.
- If you give someone a lot of compliments in a short time, the person might think that you're being insincere or flirting with them.
6
Share personal stories with others.^{[15]
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Expert Source

Annie Lin, MBA
Life & Career Coach
Expert Interview. 25 November 2019.} Sharing a story about your childhood struggles or how you overcame an obstacle in your career will help people connect with you. It will let your audience better understand where you are coming from, and portray you as a leader worth following. ^{[16]
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7
Ask about and share in other people's interests. Making friends is less about being interesting and more about being interested. Find out what the person loves to talk about and then ask questions about it. This can help them enjoy talking with you.
8
Keep a confident air of humility. Others might wish to congratulate you on a recent achievement. Accept their praises modestly by thanking them but also by giving credit to others. For example, you could thank someone for noticing your hard work and add that this work project couldn't have been done without the help of your colleagues. This kind of response shows that you are proud of your work, but not boastful.
- Walk the line between excessive humility and too little of it. Your goal should be to tell the truth respectfully. Don't pretend that you didn't contribute anything meaningful when you did, and don't oversell your work or ignore others' contributions.^{[17]
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- By having appropriately humble responses and giving credit where credit is due, you begin to show and your character as a gracious and appreciate person.
9
Refuse to stereotype or denigrate people of different demographics. Stereotypes, especially negative ones, can make people uncomfortable around you. Treat people with equal respect and don't make assumptions based on how they look, how/whether they worship, and what their exact (dis)abilities are.
- Let go of prejudices and stereotypes based on gender, race, religion, LGBTQ+ identity, disability, income, age, body size/shape, and other demographic traits.
- Instead of pretending to be "color-blind" or oblivious to differences, respect the differences.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Mastering Non-Verbal Communication

1
Make meaningful eye contact.^{[18]
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Expert Source

Annie Lin, MBA
Life & Career Coach
Expert Interview. 25 November 2019.} Always make direct and meaningful eye contact with the person you are talking to. Eye contact shows the other person that you are attentive to what they are saying. It is also important to keep eye contact when you are speaking to others. Keep strong and steady eye contact to exude confidence.
- Strong eye contact has also been suggested to help in recalling information. ^{[19]
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- If you have a disability that makes eye contact difficult, try looking at people's noses or mouths instead. They typically can't tell the difference.
2
Lean into the conversation a little. Lean your body towards the person you are speaking with to subtly show that you are engaged in the conversation. Let your body also be reactive to the conversation. For example, if something surprising is said, quickly lean back to show your shock! ^{[20]
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Research source
Bull, P.E. (1987). Posture and gesture. Oxford: Pergamon Press}
- Leaning away for long typically communicates disinterest. While this may be useful if a creepy person is hitting on you, it's usually bad if you want to get people to think you're listening.
3
Nod to show you are listening. As someone is speaking, nod your head along to make your counterpart feel heard. A head nod makes people feel like you are engaged and want to hear more. Don’t constantly nod your head for no good reason; instead, ensure you are nodding at appropriate times.
4
Make yourself bigger by standing with your legs shoulder-length apart, and your hands on your hips. Making yourself appear larger will make you seem more confident. It also makes you seem open to the other person. Standing with your hands on your hips, instead of crossing them on your chest, makes you appear open and warm ^{[21]
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- Standing in this position will make yourself feel more confident, which will exude when you are talking.
- Confidence and warmth draw people to you and make you more charismatic.
5
Animate your body language. Make an effort to make more exaggerated gestures. Animated body language will draw people towards you because it demonstrates a level of passion. It also makes you more memorable, because people will associate the words you say with the actions you make. ^{[22]
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Expert Q&A
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Question

How can I be more charismatic and positive?

Annie Lin, MBA
Life & Career Coach
Annie Lin is the founder of New York Life Coaching, a life and career coaching service based in Manhattan. Her holistic approach, combining elements from both Eastern and Western wisdom traditions, has made her a highly sought-after personal coach. Annie’s work has been featured in Elle Magazine, NBC News, New York Magazine, and BBC World News. She holds an MBA degree from Oxford Brookes University. Annie is also the founder of the New York Life Coaching Institute which offers a comprehensive life coach certification program. Learn more: https://newyorklifecoaching.com

Annie Lin, MBA

Life & Career Coach

Expert Answer

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Try writing down the things you're grateful for every night so you can recognize the good things in your life.